Advice on Being a Husband, Advice on Being a Father
#1
As many of you know, I am getting married soon, about a year from now.  If anyone, especially some of the men who have been married for a while now, could give me some solid advice about how to prepare for being a good husband, and some advice on how to be a good father.

I have been thinking more about this, and I would really appreciate any help (and prayers, as always!)
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#2
(06-20-2017, 11:43 PM)Justin Alphonsus Wrote: As many of you know, I am getting married soon, about a year from now.  If anyone, especially some of the men who have been married for a while now, could give me some solid advice about how to prepare for being a good husband, and some advice on how to be a good father.

I have been thinking more about this, and I would really appreciate any help (and prayers, as always!)
Subscribing. I have no advice to offer, since I screwed up royally in both roles. However, since my wife and children are giving me a second chance, I'm open to any and all advice.
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#3
One thing I do know - if only one - is to LISTEN, listen as deeply and imaginatively as you can. By the latter, I mean to really try to imagine your wife (and children's) world as vividly as possibly. Particularly when that world is hard to understand or relate to, try to imagine it as vividly as possible what you are hearing.
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#4
Wow!  Oceans of ink have been spilled about this.  Yes, listen, as Roger says.  Listen, listen, listen, as if your wife is the only other person on the planet. 

Also:
1. Remember to tell her you love her--often.  And mean it!
2. When you are wrong, which will probably be most of the time ( :grin: ), remember to say "I'm sorry" and/or "please forgive me".
3. When in doubt, "Yes, dear" goes a loooooonnnnnng way.

As for kids, well......I too screwed up royally on that one.  Just remember that you're human.

Be patient.  Continue to be patient.  Be even more patient.  Be as close to infinitely patient as you possibly can be.

And this, for closing:  You're a man.  You will never, ever  truly understand that creature which we call woman.  But you must, however, try.

Other than that....well....GOOD LUCK!!
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#5
(06-21-2017, 03:03 PM)Roger Buck Wrote: One thing I do know - if only one - is to LISTEN, listen as deeply and imaginatively as you can. By the latter, I mean to really try to imagine your wife (and children's) world as vividly as possibly. Particularly when that world is hard to understand or relate to, try to imagine it as vividly as possible what you are hearing.
This is so important.

I'm not married, but another suggestion I would make is always take the time to be with your wife and future children. One beautiful aspect of my boyfriend is the fact that no matter how busy he is, he always makes time for me every day. He could be swamped with work with a very energetic child to care for, and he will still check in with me throughout the day and make kind gestures that show he cares. 
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#6
I help run the marriage prep day at my parish. While I can't give you specific advice on being a good husband/father, here are the points I make on my talk called "what to expect of your wedding day and first few years of marriage".

What to expect of your wedding day:
1. Jitters and insecurity.
2. Not everything will go to plan. Families at weddings are like zoos without cages.
3. Don't be scared of having a Catholic wedding. My atheist friends commented on how lovely and special the ceremony was.
4. Stay chill and enjoy the day.
5. Don't expect sexy time on your wedding night. You might be drunk… you will be tired.

What to expect of the first few years of marriage.
1. You will have to make sacrifices. Sometimes really big ones. I had to leave my job and start a business for my marriage.
2. Whatever you guys struggle with, deal with it promptly. In our case, it was money. (See point 2.)
3. Don't expect to be on the same level spiritually. Do pursue God as an individual. Don't expect your spouse will be into saying night prayer/rosary etc with you.
4. As someone who is pregnant… go above and beyond to make your wife feel cared for throughout the pregnancy. She's probably not feeling 100% even if she says she is fine. Give her treats when she's suffering from morning sickness, headaches etc. Cook, clean, just try to give her an easy time. She is hormonal, at risk of fainting or puking all the time. You cannot do enough to help your wife.
5. Do pursue NFP. Don't be put off by the people who write about it online because they have 15 kids and counting… it does work.
6. Do have fun together. Go on adventures. Take dates. Make sure you know how to have cheap/free dates as well as fancier ones.
7. If you're wanting to put off having children, some people might inquire about when it's happening. This will always hurt. So have an answer prepared. Mine is "we'll have kids the day we can afford them" but I've really desired to say "we have been accidentally doing it wrong, which is why we don't have any kids yet".

Have a fun wedding day! God will bless you!
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#7
Bump!
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#8
Things I appreciate about my husband that might be worth knowing about:
  • He doesn't come home expecting the house to be perfect and the kids washed and ready for bed.  He is willing to help out, especially when I've been up all night with the baby.
  • He calls me at least twice a day just to check in.
  • We have coffee and devotional reading time together every morning (well most mornings...).
  • Even with 5 kids at home, we make time for date nights - even if we put the kids to bed early and make dinner at home.
  • We make a point to work through issues and never go to bed angry.
Hope this helps!
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#9
Good thread that I've somehow missed until now.  First off, congratulations on the pending marriage.

Now, my thoughts:

1) keep God in your marriage early on by starting a prayer routine together, morning or evening, or both.
2) listen to her/each other.
3) don't go to bed angry.  Seriously. :rolleyes:
4) when kids come, if she's going to be a stay home mother, jump in and help.  My wife's a stay home mom, so when I get home I normally cook dinner.  It gives her a break from the kids and their homework so she can rest, and since I work in an office, it gives me a chance to not sit, move around, and do something I enjoy.  Plus the kids like daddy's cooking better, lol.
5) make time to spend together.  This is important.
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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#10
(06-21-2017, 03:03 PM)Roger Buck Wrote: One thing I do know - if only one - is to LISTEN, listen as deeply and imaginatively as you can. By the latter, I mean to really try to imagine your wife (and children's) world as vividly as possibly. Particularly when that world is hard to understand or relate to, try to imagine it as vividly as possible what you are hearing.

This is both the most extraordinarily useful and beautiful advice I've read.
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