Husband sedevecantist problem
#21
(07-25-2017, 05:36 PM)Melissa9 Wrote: I would like to emphasize that it is not traumatic and he does not abuse me so to speak and if I wasn't feeling well he would not force me. My husband does in fact love and cherish me he just forces the baby issue if it IS in fact about avoiding conceiving and he knows that I know when I ovulate. I know that it's a bit confusing but it's not quite as disturbing as it sounds.

Along the lines of what the post above me says: 

Traumatic or not, coerced sex of whatever kind is abusive. I would definitely try to talk to a priest,  but also you need to make it clear that his attitude towards sex and babies is not ok. If he won't listen or forces himself physically on you anyway,  you may want to see if you can stay with someone else for awhile--not advocating any kind of permanent separation, just like,  a trip to visit your parents or a sister or something, to keep you safe and give him some space to reflect and pray. 

It is not only in your best interest to communicate to him how wrong his attitude is,  but also in his. Our duty as spouses is to support our partner in their journey to heaven. Enabling his abusive behavior is counterproductive with that in mind. 
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#22
What do you suggest I do about it though? It's all very well and nice to inform me that it is rape but that doesn't help me out. I can't get divorced because that is morally wrong and he thinks marriage counseling is ridiculous so where do I go from here. I'm not sure how a confessor would help me? It all seems rather hopeless because I really do not want to risk my soul over this with a doubtful annulment that I'm sure will not be valid but very easy to get
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#23
Oh I read your reply as well - that was helpful
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#24
(07-25-2017, 06:33 PM)Melissa9 Wrote: Oh I read your reply as well - that was helpful

I'm not sure if either of your new posts were directed to me but :)

Of course,  divorce is not on the table. However, think of someone being beaten by their husband. Do they have to stay with him? No. They can't remarry, date,  etc, but you aren't obliged to stay with someone abusive. This is where a confessor might be able to help you determine what your safety and the spiritual good for your marriage right now might be. 

If he does care about you as much as you say,  and is relatively kind and "gentle" with you,  then he should be open to having a frank conversation with you about his behavior--if he isn't, then again,  that's where I'd be staying with someone else for a break and/or until hes willing to talk with a counselor or priest. And, again just if it were me,  I'd definitely try to keep it clear that I'm coming from a place of charity and concern for him and for your marriage, not a place of attack (although you're perfectly justified in condemning his attitude).
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#25
(07-25-2017, 06:38 PM)CelticKnott Wrote:
(07-25-2017, 06:33 PM)Melissa9 Wrote: Oh I read your reply as well - that was helpful

I'm not sure if either of your new posts were directed to me but :)

Of course,  divorce is not on the table. However, think of someone being beaten by their husband. Do they have to stay with him? No. They can't remarry, date,  etc, but you aren't obliged to stay with someone abusive. This is where a confessor might be able to help you determine what your safety and the spiritual good for your marriage right now might be. 

If he does care about you as much as you say,  and is relatively kind and "gentle" with you,  then he should be open to having a frank conversation with you about his behavior--if he isn't, then again,  that's where I'd be staying with someone else for a break and/or until hes willing to talk with a counselor or priest. And, again just if it were me,  I'd definitely try to keep it clear that I'm coming from a place of charity and concern for him and for your marriage, not a place of attack (although you're perfectly justified in condemning his attitude).
Oh I think he'll listen - I just think I'm going to get the silent treatment for a week. Thank you for the advice
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#26
(07-25-2017, 02:19 PM)Melissa9 Wrote: He I'm having a major problem with my traditional almost sedevecantist husband. We have one baby right now and he wants another one before this one is 1 year old. For many reasons, we simply cannot afford another one right now and are even relying on his parents for money at times. This really kills me as I feel so ashamed. 
        He thinks nfp is evil and even when I suggested complete abstinence he refused saying we should be an example to the world tgat children are a blessing. Now children are a blessing but this is totally unreasonable. He basically wants as many children as possible to stick it to society.
       If we even waited three months we would be in a way better position than now. If I would refuse to have sex with him, he would call me a modernist And lube me up (hope that's not too crude) and have his way with me basically because he doesn't believe in rape in marriage. He probably doesn't take me seriously because I have a very high sex drive  and I do enjoy it physically if not mentally. ( I did not know he was this extreme when I married him although there were probably signs) What would you do? How do i convince him in traditional terms?

That's a very serious problem, and one that cannot be solved by way of an internet forum.  It could simply be a matter of miscommunication, or there could be some issues that are much deeper and darker.  There simply are too many details we don't know.  Talk to a priest.  It is sinful to refuse sex to one's spouse unless there is a good reason, but the act should always be consensual.
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#27
(07-25-2017, 02:19 PM)Melissa9 Wrote: He I'm having a major problem with my traditional almost sedevecantist husband. We have one baby right now and he wants another one before this one is 1 year old. For many reasons, we simply cannot afford another one right now and are even relying on his parents for money at times. This really kills me as I feel so ashamed. 
        He thinks nfp is evil and even when I suggested complete abstinence he refused saying we should be an example to the world tgat children are a blessing. Now children are a blessing but this is totally unreasonable. He basically wants as many children as possible to stick it to society.
       If we even waited three months we would be in a way better position than now. If I would refuse to have sex with him, he would call me a modernist And lube me up (hope that's not too crude) and have his way with me basically because he doesn't believe in rape in marriage. He probably doesn't take me seriously because I have a very high sex drive  and I do enjoy it physically if not mentally. ( I did not know he was this extreme when I married him although there were probably signs) What would you do? How do i convince him in traditional terms?

Forgive me if this sounds provocative, but if he has gone far enough down the rabbit hole to become a Sedevacantist, why don't the two of you look into attending a Byzantine Rite Catholic Church or even go full Eastern Orthodox? I know this is a Catholic forum, but EO seems like a more 'logical' option to Sedevacantism. I have been struggling with radical traditionalist criticisms of the modern Catholic church since before my baptism into the Catholic faith and this seems to me to be the only clear way to resolve the contradictions.
If you will it, you can become all flame.
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#28
To be frank your husband sounds mentally ill.  Do you have parents nearby? Or a sister/friend you trust?  I think you need to reach out to someone who can help you.  You need to tell someone you love/trust what is happening in your marriage.  This situation sounds awful.  Please reach out to family/friends ASAP.
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#29
(07-26-2017, 10:00 AM)StMichael929 Wrote: To be frank your husband sounds mentally ill.  Do you have parents nearby? Or a sister/friend you trust?  I think you need to reach out to someone who can help you.  You need to tell someone you love/trust what is happening in your marriage.  This situation sounds awful.  Please reach out to family/friends ASAP.

Well, to follow up with all of you good people so that you don't get too worried- I talked to him and he says that he's sorry for making me feel that way. He's even taking the day off from work because he's worried that I look depressed and is going to watch the baby while I rest. So, no I don't really think he is mentally ill. Maybe I just haven't been serious enough about it and now he realizes. I don't know
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#30
(07-27-2017, 01:50 PM)Melissa9 Wrote:
(07-26-2017, 10:00 AM)StMichael929 Wrote: To be frank your husband sounds mentally ill.  Do you have parents nearby? Or a sister/friend you trust?  I think you need to reach out to someone who can help you.  You need to tell someone you love/trust what is happening in your marriage.  This situation sounds awful.  Please reach out to family/friends ASAP.

Well, to follow up with all of you good people so that you don't get too worried- I talked to him and he says that he's sorry for making me feel that way. He's even taking the day off from work because he's worried that I look depressed and is going to watch the baby while I rest. So, no I don't really think he is mentally ill. Maybe I just haven't been serious enough about it and now he realizes. I don't know

That is good to hear! I'll keep you in my prayers. :)
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