Grand funk
#1
Rather than asking for advice, I am going to ask for prayers. I'm not sure if I am in a deep depression, grieving, or both, but I am struggling with a lot in my life now...my father's death, problems at work, boredom, low self-esteem, vocation, loneliness, despair, etc.

I am especially struggling with my faith-notably hopelessness/despair and constant (unrighteous?) anger. Anger especially, because I can't stand the complete damage done to the liturgy in the Latin-rite. Maybe I am just a bitter individual with a romanticized (and therefore fantasized) view of the faith, but I can't help but wonder how much has been architecturally and masterminded-ly (sic?) deconstructed. I was reminded of this when I went to the O.F. Mass at my old parish last weekend. I was probably the most bizarre individual at Mass that morning, because I was the only woman in hundreds of people wearing a dark blue
Mantilla. I hate to say it but it almost made me ashamed to be Catholic. It's embarrassing-whether for me or the state of our society, I can't answer.

I am starting to think that this "grand funk" I am in is going to last a long time. Not even my spiders alone can get me out of this one. Though oddly enough, I decided to stop thinking "woe is me" today and signed up for some violin lessons. I was a lazy teenager and didn't like orchestra, but the past few years I have had a strong urge to get back into it. Since I can't afford to go back to school or even take a French class, I figured this would be the next best thing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply
#2
I have just finished offering some prayers for you. I am sorry to hear your situation. It is shared in detail by myself. Thank you for trying despite the difficulty. Just to share some things of interest. If you make use of "video screen based" entertainment for more than 2 hours / day, this has been shown to lead to depression in a variety of studies. exercise and reading are always good mood enhancers. I have found that socializing at least 2 times per week is essential to keep my spirits up. All the best, I hope your violin lessons bring music into people's lives.
Reply
#3
:pray: :pray: Prayers for you both!
Reply
#4
Yeah it's a stinky time to have to live out the faith. Keep your chin up and getting back into the violin sounds like a great idea. Check out some French lessons on youtube. Check out "French in Action", I love that series....

Do you have a good traditional church nearby, or are you on your own?
"Not only are we all in the same boat, but we are all seasick.” --G.K. Chesterton
Reply
#5
Prayers sent and here is an interesting perspective from the following article Hope in a Time of Darkness and Despair

"Christian hope is the hope you have when there is no hope. In East Coker, T. S. Eliot bids his soul to:

Quote:. . .be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.

When the present is dark and the future darker, as it was for the prophets whose words of hope and joy we read in this season of Advent, it is at these times especially when we are called to walk by faith, not by sight – faith: the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen."
"There are in truth three states of the converted: the beginning,  the middle and the perfection. In the beginning, they experience the charms of sweetness; in the middle, the contests of temptation; and in the end, the fullness of perfection."
-- Pope St. Gregory

Cor Jesu Eucharistic Miserere Nobis 

Salus animarum suprema lex
Reply
#6
Sequentia,

You are not alone...
Reply
#7
Dearest Sequentia~

You are in my thoughts and my prayers.  I understand the battle with depression and grieving all too well.  I was just released from the hospital after yet ANOTHER 72 hour hold.  Without my good Lord and my church, I don't know that I could continue the struggle every day.

Please know that you are in my prayers!
The Least of These

:pray2:

1 PETER 2:21:
For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps.
Reply
#8
I think the worst part of dealing with all this is way people have begun to treat me because of it. If something goes wrong, then I get a question that is steeped in false compassion or false sympathy/empathy ("are you sure you are doing okay?"). I suffered with (and through) my father's ordeal and that is something that pretty much every non-family member or non-best friend does not understand or comprehend.

It's only been 50+ days and a few select individuals truly think that this is "something I should be over with" by now. As if? Why am I not allowed to go through grief? I'm just supposed to magically think that none of this happened? It has alienated me from the rest of my peers. It is very hard for me to embrace this suffering with love, because my natural inclination is to be a smart ass...it is very hard for me to bite my tongue in response to ignorant (and dare I say, some arrogant) individuals.

I am trying to take a lesson from my spiders and isopods about perseverance, but even this is hard for me. One of my dwarf species of tarantula, Lucy, lost all 4 limbs on one side due to a bad molt, but that didn't stop Lucy from being a spider...still moved, still webbed, still ate. Two molts later, and Lucy is back to "normal." I want that sense of tranquility and resilience. I am jealous of our invertebrate friends.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply
#9
I'm offering up a Chaplet of Divine Mercy for you and your father's soul.

How are you doing right now? Has there been some improvement?
[Image: Blessed_Virgin_Mary_Holding_Jesus_with_S...abriel.jpg]
Glory to God
and
Hail Mary!
Reply
#10
I'm at a very low point in my life right now. Everything I have worked hard for the last couple years is going to be taken away from me. And the things that were beginning to give me joy-notably learning to play my instrument again and caring for my invertebrates-are being overshadowed by the way I am being treated by people right now.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)