Prayer Request and Advice Needed
#1
Some background:
For a while now, we have been dealing with some not so fun behaviors from our children.  It's nothing out of this world awful, but every time the kids go to Pilgrim's parents' house, they come back and are horrible for 2-3 days.  We are talking pooping pants, peeing on the floor, screaming fits, not sleeping -- downright weird behavior.  So, today Pilgrim asked his father to please change the format of the visit and we would all come over each week so that they would continue to see the kids but so that we could also work with the kids on whatever is going on.  The request was met with a diatribe over every decision we have made in the last year and a half.  I'm not kidding when I say that my husband is fed up.  He sat there and let his father rip into him for an hour or so and was flat out shocked by the response.  Pilgrim was blamed for his mother being unhappy in Colorado, the fact that we moved 20 minutes away, just about everything that's wrong in his parents' life.

Every activity - even things not involving the grandparents - involves upheaval, just not usually this much.  I don't think we are in the wrong for wanting to make this change.  Something is off and I don't know what.

So . . .  do you think we were wrong?  How might we have handled it better?

Also, please pray for all of us, most especially Pilgrim and the kids.  This is bound to blow up into something terrible and I know they are going to get hurt in the process. I just can't think of how to fix it aside from letting the in-laws have their way; that's not possible right now.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
Reply
#2
Wow. It sounds eerily familiar to what we dealt with when the kids used to stay my mother mom in law, except they were flat out defiant when the came home. Turns out she let them do whatever they wanted. My initial advice is to not let them have their way; y'all are the parents, are in charge of the kids' formation, and have to deal with their behavior. If the inlaws won't honor his request to see you two with the kids to figure out what's happening, perhaps some time not being allowed to see the grand kids is in order. Not trying to sound harsh, just offering what worked for us.
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
Reply
#3
Problem is that Pilgrim is so mad that he's half hoping that they will move back to the East Coast again.  I have always said that his parents would one day push too far and that it could destroy their relationship.  I've kept my mouth shut, not picked fights, tried to encourage peace and amity.  But one day, I knew poop would fly.  I really don't want it to happen though.  Poor Pilgrim!  If I tell my mom and dad to stop the over indulgence, it works.  I don't understand why this has to be a battle.  It really shouldn't be.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
Reply
#4
That seems to support my theory of keeping the grandparents away for awhile. He calms down, they realize y'all are serious, the kids come back under control.
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
Reply
#5
That may be the best possible outcome Jeeter.  I shared your comments with Pilgrim.  He's mad enough that he asked me to turn off the phones in the house.  He doesn't want to talk to his parents at all right now.  

It turns out his father criticized Pilgrim's choice of profession and told him to get a real job (basically).  He told him he had too many kids too. That's what's got Pilgrim so mad.  I don't blame him really . . .
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
Reply
#6
I also have controlling parents, so I understand where Pilgrim is coming from. Ultimately, you are both adults and not required to submit to his parents anymore. Your children are yours first and foremost and it is your right as parents to do whatever you see fit with them. His parents have to understand that they have no right to control you or tell you what to do. You live in separate places (I assume?) and do not owe his parents anything. You can certainly politely but firmly inform them of this fact.

If you need to break off all communication with them for a while to reclaim your peace, do so. Hopefully his parents will come around and see that they are acting irrationally. They should also want what is best for their grandchildren. Praying for you all. Good luck with your children--I have not had any yet but I know they can be a blessed handful!


St. Mary of Egypt, Ora Pro Nobis!







Reply
#7
Thank you.  Yes, we live separately.  They moved out here because of the children though.  Just this last year, we elected to move in with my parents - which I am sure is part of the reason they are discontented.  For all I know, they are trying to over compensate for it with a great deal of indulgence.  But I don't know that for certain and I doubt it is deliberate.  The truth is this: they have a playroom for the children in the basement.  But the adults are rarely down there.  Instead, the kids play unsupervised.  Two people with hearing loss and a blaring television sit upstairs.  I can't imagine they hear much of what's going on down in that basement.  As a result, with no malice intended, they have free range wild children.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
Reply
#8
:pray: :pray: Prayers for you and your family.
Reply
#9
This is an update and renewed request for prayers.

The in-laws asked for a meeting to discuss how we had insulted them.  We declined - politely.  We said (in short form) that we loved them, had no intention of insulting them, and that they had made their opinions quite clear.  Since we were not going to change our decision, there was no point in having a meeting since all it would do is be painful on all sides.  We then suggested meeting up for a family picnic next week so that we could all visit and they could enjoy the children.  

We are expecting the worst: absolute refusal to accept the family visits.  Of course, we are praying for a better response than that.  My husband is hurting so much!  Please pray with me.

Thank you!
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
[-] The following 2 users Like Fontevrault's post:
  • jovan66102, Justin Alphonsus
Reply
#10
(09-20-2017, 04:21 PM)Fontevrault Wrote: Some background:
For a while now, we have been dealing with some not so fun behaviors from our children.  It's nothing out of this world awful, but every time the kids go to Pilgrim's parents' house, they come back and are horrible for 2-3 days.  We are talking pooping pants, peeing on the floor, screaming fits, not sleeping -- downright weird behavior.  So, today Pilgrim asked his father to please change the format of the visit and we would all come over each week so that they would continue to see the kids but so that we could also work with the kids on whatever is going on.  The request was met with a diatribe over every decision we have made in the last year and a half.  I'm not kidding when I say that my husband is fed up.  He sat there and let his father rip into him for an hour or so and was flat out shocked by the response.  Pilgrim was blamed for his mother being unhappy in Colorado, the fact that we moved 20 minutes away, just about everything that's wrong in his parents' life.

Every activity - even things not involving the grandparents - involves upheaval, just not usually this much.  I don't think we are in the wrong for wanting to make this change.  Something is off and I don't know what.

So . . .  do you think we were wrong?  How might we have handled it better?

Also, please pray for all of us, most especially Pilgrim and the kids.  This is bound to blow up into something terrible and I know they are going to get hurt in the process. I just can't think of how to fix it aside from letting the in-laws have their way; that's not possible right now.

How old are your kids? Best way I deal with my kid is by showing the right example. I have to be more patient, more lenient, more understanding than him or than anyone was with me when I was a kid. It's the duty of a parent, i think, to do that.
bibleandprayers.com - Prayer Videos, bible Verses, Community Prayers and more.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)