Annulment Blues Setting In
#1
Sad 
Oh, my dear Fishy Friends,

As many of you know, I recently received news after battling for a year and a half that my marriage of 25 years has been given a Declaration of Nullity by the Church.

I guess I'm going through the stages of grief and after a period of denial, anger and depression are setting in.

I feel betrayed by my husband, especially since he has spread lies about me so that four of my five children blame me for the breakup and I only still see and hear from my youngest.  

But most of all, I feel so betrayed by the Church!

I can't believe that all the work I put into that marriage and family was "Declared Null"!  So I really never was married at all?  And even though they "magically" say that my kids are not "illegitimate",  it sure seems that way in reality.

It's just really hard to understand and accept.  Truly, it is completely unacceptable!

Yet, that is what I will eventually have to come to terms with.

Anyway, please pray for me.  I am truly despondent. :(
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#2
(11-18-2017, 06:22 PM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: Oh, my dear Fishy Friends,

As many of you know, I recently received news after battling for a year and a half that my marriage of 25 years has been given a Declaration of Nullity by the Church.

I guess I'm going through the stages of grief and after a period of denial, anger and depression are setting in.

I feel betrayed by my husband, especially since he has spread lies about me so that four of my five children blame me for the breakup and I only still see and hear from my youngest.  

But most of all, I feel so betrayed by the Church!

I can't believe that all the work I put into that marriage and family was "Declared Null"!  So I really never was married at all?  And even though they "magically" say that my kids are not "illegitimate",  it sure seems that way in reality.

It's just really hard to understand and accept.  Truly, it is completely unacceptable!

Yet, that is what I will eventually have to come to terms with.

Anyway, please pray for me.  I am truly despondent. :(
I will pray for you.  It is hard to see today, but a greater good will come from this for you and your family as the bigger picture develops. I pray that you don’t have to wait much longer for that clarity to materialize.
"Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."  Matthew 9:10-14
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#3
UIHMDear Sacred Heart Lover,
As a divorced Trad I knew nd or know what you are feeling. I am very sorry for your sufferings and you will be in my prayers.

One way of looking at this could be that Jesus is sharing his suffering with you. Cling to him I have no doubt that no matter what you are feeling ifyou cling closely to Jesus you will truly be blessed.
"There are in truth three states of the converted: the beginning,  the middle and the perfection. In the beginning, they experience the charms of sweetness; in the middle, the contests of temptation; and in the end, the fullness of perfection."
-- Pope St. Gregory

“One day, through the Rosary and the Scapular, Our Lady will save the world.”
-- attributed to Saint Domenic
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#4
"As many of you know, I recently received news after battling for a year and a half that my marriage of 25 years has been given a Declaration of Nullity by the Church."

That absolutely blows my mind...you were married before God Himself. It was a Sacramental marriage. How on earth was an annulment even granted?!

Please remember that the Church didn't betray you. The Church is the mystical bride of Christ. You were betrayed by people within the Church. The Church will continue to be there for you and to give you Christ's love in the Sacraments.

That's horrible...I'm so sorry, Sacred Heart lover. :( I will pray for you.
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#5
Truly sorry to hear that. But, to pile on with what IHL said, you were betrayed by weak men within the Church, not the Church itself. I’ll keep you in my Rosary intentions.
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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#6
Before we go on bashing the Church, let's remember that if your former husband did not properly consented to marriage, it is invalid whether it was 25 years, or 25 minutes.  It's a shame that this has happened to you and I am sorry.  However, if he really never intended to be married to you, then it is a good thing that the men in the Church, that others on here love to bash without knowing all the details, granted a declaration of nullity.  

You won't be able to see it now, but someday you may find a good Catholic man, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and you will be free to marry him.

Remember that there are blessings in disguises of tragedy.  I pray for you and your former husband, if he's spreading lies against you and trying to turn your kids against you, it sounds like he's the one in need of the prayers.
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#7
(11-19-2017, 03:44 PM)austenbosten Wrote: Before we go on bashing the Church, let's remember that if your former husband did not properly consented to marriage, it is invalid whether it was 25 years, or 25 minutes.  It's a shame that this has happened to you and I am sorry.  However, if he really never intended to be married to you, then it is a good thing that the men in the Church, that others on here love to bash without knowing all the details, granted a declaration of nullity.  

Who is bashing the Church here, exactly?

And how was it not a proper act of consent on her former husband's part when they were married in a Catholic Church, were married for 25 years, and were obviously open to life, as they have children?
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#8
(11-19-2017, 04:03 PM)In His Love Wrote:
(11-19-2017, 03:44 PM)austenbosten Wrote: Before we go on bashing the Church, let's remember that if your former husband did not properly consented to marriage, it is invalid whether it was 25 years, or 25 minutes.  It's a shame that this has happened to you and I am sorry.  However, if he really never intended to be married to you, then it is a good thing that the men in the Church, that others on here love to bash without knowing all the details, granted a declaration of nullity.  

Who is bashing the Church here, exactly?

And how was it not a proper act of consent on her former husband's part when they were married in a Catholic Church, were married for 25 years, and were obviously open to life, as they have children?

It's not the Church but "the men in the Church" I'm seeing criticism being laid upon.  I get that we have problems in the Church, but this idea that the blame should be laid at the feet of the Tribunal, without all the facts, is uncalled for.

As to the second part, any canon lawyer will tell you that the amount of kids, or the time spent together does not make a marriage valid.  Children or time does not validate or invalidate a marriage.  What validates or invalidates a marriage is the original state of mind and intent on the wedding day.
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#9
In my personal opinion, it doesn't seem to make any sense to annul a marriage under these circumstances. I'm not trying to be unfair to anyone involved.

Sacred Heart lover has mentioned that her former husband has been spreading lies about her. If this influenced the tribunal in any way, they are operating under a false premise.
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#10
(11-19-2017, 05:58 PM)In His Love Wrote: In my personal opinion, it doesn't seem to make any sense to annul a marriage under these circumstances. I'm not trying to be unfair to anyone involved.

Sacred Heart lover has mentioned that her former husband has been spreading lies about her. If this influenced the tribunal in any way, they are operating under a false premise.

Well it does make sense if a few years down the road SHL should meet someone whom she desires to marry. Should SHL meet a good Catholic man who will be the devoted, honest husband she deserves, she should not have any hindrances to marriage.

It is a tragedy, there can be no denying that. It is a shame that someone has revealed to have been dishonest for 25 years and dragged innocent lives into the mix, confusing them with their wicked web of deceit. However, the fault lies with the former husband in that case, not the Tribunal. They cannot be held responsible if someone is maliciously lying to them. The Tribunal's job is simply to determine if a marriage ever occurred. They have made their decision, honestly it's probably for the best. If SHL former husband is trying to drive a wedge between her and her children in the manner that SHL says, then she clearly should not be stuck married with a duplicitous fiend.
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