Annulment Blues Setting In
Whoa there!  

Looks like we need some clarification here.

I'm surprised that folks on a Traditional Catholic website aren't aware of the current crisis of frivolous annulments.  Lucia of Fatima predicted that the "final battle between Christ and Satan would be over marriage and the family."  So we all need to be aware of this issue and the ramifications.

There were 388 dec of null in 1968 and 50,000 in 1988.  That's a 15,000% increase.  Clearly things drastically changed!

And now we have Pope Francis declaring that, "the “great majority” of Catholic marriages are “null” – in other words, not actual marriages – and that some cohabitating couples are in a “real marriage,” receiving the grace of the Sacrament."  Clearly we have entered a brave new world era in the Church.

Quote:Before we go on bashing the Church, let's remember that if your former husband did not properly consented to marriage, it is invalid whether it was 25 years, or 25 minutes.  It's a shame that this has happened to you and I am sorry.  However, if he really never intended to be married to you, then it is a good thing that the men in the Church, that others on here love to bash without knowing all the details, granted a declaration of nullity.  

I don't think people on this forum "love to bash" the Church or the men in the Church.  I think it grieves us all dearly to see grave errors committed by those who have not been well formed in the faith.  

It's true that the duration of a marriage or the number of kids beget does not change the validity, but it does increase the pain and destruction caused by an erroneous declaration by the tribunal.  A long duration also gives evidence in and of itself of the validity of the marriage by proving it's efficacy.

I'm not sure why you are assuming that my husband never intended to marry me.  That is not the case.  Also, you are jumping to the conclusion that he "did not properly consent".  This means you are assuming the tribunals are infallible which they are not.  

While I know the people who work in the tribunals are nice people with good intentions, it simply is not possible for them to avoid errors due to the nebulous quality of the new cannons, not to mention the poor catechization of most post VII Catholics which leads to a malformed understanding of the vocation of matrimony.  

The stats show that most annulments today are granted either because they say the person was unable to give full consent due to a "psychic defect" or due to being "too immature".  The psychic defect must be incapacitating, but they can't define what that means.  They also can't give a definition of what too immature means (although females only need to be 14 and males 16 years old).  So how do you know when you find evidence for something if you can't  define exactly what it is you are looking for?  How can it possibly be even remotely infallible?  

Some tribunals statistically give a dec of nul to 100% of applicants year after year.  Many, including mine, don't follow procedures according to canon law.

You stated:

Quote:Well it does make sense if a few years down the road SHL should meet someone whom she desires to marry. Should SHL meet a good Catholic man who will be the devoted, honest husband she deserves, she should not have any hindrances to marriage.

I know you mean to be merciful with this statement and I appreciate that, but I'm afraid that it's similar to Pope Francis in his misconstrued sense of mercy.  On an earlier thread  Papist asked me:

Quote:If your husband is so awful that he would divorce you after 25 years, wouldn't it be a blessing if the Church found that you were free from him? I'm a bit confused.
To which I replied:

That's a good question and I understand where you are coming from.

But it's a straw man argument really.

It doesn't matter what happened after our wedding.  It only matters if we were able to consent to marriage on our wedding day.  And the requirements for consent are really very minimal.  

Plus, I see everything in life in terms of one goal and what would give us the best chance of achieving that goal.  

I don't care about earthly happiness, or money, or only goal in life is:

An unjust annulment is an assault to my family tree and it's Catholic faith.  

It affects the future marriages of my kids and their ability to trust the Catholic Church.  On their wedding day they will be wondering if their marriage is really valid or if the Church will find some flaw that wasn't uncovered in 6 months of pre-Cana (counselling, the marriage test, and the engagement retreat) that will come back to haunt them 25 years and 5 kids down the road!

A divorce (not what I wanted although we did have to separate) means that your parents had problems they couldn't (or wouldn't as the case may be) work out.  An annulment means it never should have happened.  That's really hard for a kid, or adult even, to process.  It also means that your parents marriage wasn't a sacrament but Dad's new marriage is.  Because this happened with my parents after 40 years of marriage and my Dad's affairs, annulment  and "re-marriage", I can attest that an annulment is much harder pill to swallow!  

It's a much better example if the parents simply separate.  This was a practice which used to be common among Catholics until recently.  Old episodes of Law and Order frequently portrayed couples who were separated but not divorced because of "the Church".

This tells the kids that when you get married you get one chance, so choose wisely, and if problems arise, WORK IT OUT, or you may end up alone.  When parents "re-marry" the kids will be more tempted to ditch their spouse during their marriage troubles (and everyone has them!) and find someone new since it made Grandpa happy or Dad happy.

Besides, single life is not a fate worse than death and a second marriage doesn't promise happiness.

The kids are still traumatized by the separation, but they can hold onto their parents faithfulness to the vow of fidelity until death which is a consolation. 

It's a witness to others in daily life as well.  Before the tribunal told my husband to divorce me so he could find out if we were really married (yeah...figure that out for me will ya'?)  people would ask me why I don't get divorced and I would tell them it's because I'm Catholic and took a vow until death.  They would think for moment and say, "You know, you're right.  That's how it really should be."  

Plus, I do not wish my husband harm, although it may appear that way as I attempt to prevent him from "re-marriage".  I hope that he will take the best path to heaven.

Because we are more revealed for who we truly are in our marriage more than any other relationship, our sins and faults are laid bare.  This is what makes it such a valuable asset in attaining holiness.  We have to know our faults before we can overcome them.

We spent many, many years in counselling but he wouldn't comply and was abusive.  He didn't want me to leave and didn't think I would but if I did he told me he would get an annulment.  So it was in his back pocket as a door of escape the whole time.  This made him less compelled to comply. (Just like divorce.)

I wouldn't wish another woman to have to deal with the problems that I have.  Also, he won't be revealed in his new marriage in the same way for many reasons including the fact that the kids are grown, he's financially stable now, and the stresses of life are greatly reduced.  They can go out to dinner, movies and travel.  My kids "new Mom" will be able to attend my children's events while I am too disabled and homebound.

So I really am very concerned about his soul, and getting away with this will not help him.

This is not to say there aren't circumstances for annulment in some cases.  I know very well that there are and was a witness for a friend who's husband was addicted to porn and was using on his wedding day.  She waited for 10 years for him to recover but he was unable to and was disabled by it and unable to support his family and six kids.  He clearly was unable to give full consent on his wedding day.

In our case however, I have complete faith that my husband is capable of overcoming his difficulties. It's just hard and it's human nature to seek the easier way out.  Plus they weren't disabling him or me on our wedding day.

But the tribunals are extremely pro-annulment and can't understand why everyone wouldn't want one!
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This is such a complex issue to understand but it is so important that I hope you will forgive the long posts.

Most of the members who have posted on this thread are probably aware of my case from my previous posts which maybe you have not read.

Before Pope Francis the decision had to be made after deliberation by two tribunals, but now only one.  Also they no longer need to corroborate the evidence since he has "streamlined" everything.  

After I was forced to separate from my abusive husband he petitioned for an annulment on the grounds that I was psychologically defective and he was too immature.  This was after 25 years of marriage and 5 kids together.

The tribunal told him that the first thing he needed to do was get a divorce.  Then they can begin the process to see if we were really married.

The tribunal kept asking me why I wouldn't want an annulment since I might meet someone and told me that most people find the process very "healing".  Healing?  Sounds dystopian.  Is it healing for the kids? 

Then you and your spouse send out petitions with 200 questions to your oldest friends and family asking them to divulge the worst things about you and you get to read them.  (Yes...very healing....especially the outright lies about me having an abortion and beating up my husband!  Actually it's somewhat comical.)

Then you get to recall all the worst memories of your abuse and write it all down but can't discuss it with anyone and so have to go through ptsd all alone.  

A psychologist who never meets me and whose name is kept from me evaluates what everyone says about me and decides if I really was too cray cray.  (Is this the healing part?)  

Then the tribunal lied to me and told me I can't respond to the false things said about me and I had to research and find the canon laws that make it clear that I most certainly can.  When I showed them to my "advocate" she became enraged and accused me of trying to delay the case which needs to move forward.

After a year and a half of this I found out last week that I was cleared of having a "psychic defect", but they ruled that my husband (who was 27, owned his own business and was president of the parish council when we married) was in fact too immature at that time despite the fact that males only need to have the maturity of a 16 year old, the minimum age to marry in the church.

So now, he is "free to marry" in the Catholic church.  Apparently our "marriage" was only practice and helped him reach that needed maturity?

The way I see it, annulments were meant for those situations where someone had schizophrenia and failed to divulge it or were deeply afflicted with same sex attraction and didn't divulge it or some such.  What is going on now is an abuse of annulments similar to the way indulgences were abused in the Middle Ages.  (But what do I know?  I'm no canon lawyer.)

Up until a year ago over 90% of cases that were appealed to the Roman Rota were overturned.  That is no longer the case.  Plus it becomes very expensive to try and appeal a case or hire a canon lawyer and can run into the thousands for what amounts to a crap shoot at the best.

So shall I get mad and leave the Church because of this injustice?

Where am I to go, Lord?

Gosh, how many saints were persecuted and even put to death by the Church?  (St. Joan d'Arc for one.)

Jesus was persecuted and betrayed by his own.  

So at least I'm in good company and will offer this *#@% up for all involved and my many many sins.

But most of all for the scandal this has caused my children who will be wondering on their wedding day if this is really a true marriage...
Fr. Gerald Murray once said on EWTN's The World Over that the majority of Catholic marriages "are not null, they're valid." He explained how it's quite simple to have a valid marriage. 

That's why I find your situation so unusual, Sacred Heart lover.

I mean, if it was never a valid marriage, fair enough, but it seems very strange for an annulment to be issued in your case.
Sorry for repeating some things, but I had to cut and paste and can't do too much reading/proofreading with my neuro disease. :P
Are you going to appeal the case? :(
(11-19-2017, 09:28 PM)In His Love Wrote: Fr. Gerald Murray once said on EWTN's The World Over that the majority of Catholic marriages "are not null, they're valid." He explained how it's quite simple to have a valid marriage. 

That's why I find your situation so unusual, Sacred Heart lover.

I mean, if it was never a valid marriage, fair enough, but it seems very strange for an annulment to be issued in your case.

Yes, I saw that, but the show was discussing the abuses occurring with annulments these days.

I'm in contact with many others going through annulment cases and trying to defend their marriage in an online forum who have been treated the same way.  It was bad enough before Francis, but now it just gets worse and worse.

I won't be appealing as it's very expensive. I would take the funds from my retirement if there was a reasonable chance, but I don't think that's the case.
If I may offer a suggestion...

It may help you to cultivate a friendship with St. Rita of Cascia, if you haven't already.

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