Coffee Theology
#1
Theology of coffee (stolen from Catholic Theology Geeks on Facebook).

Decaf is Docetic because it only appears to be coffee.
Instant is Apollinarian because it’s had its soul removed and replaced.
Frappuccinos are essentially a form of Monophysitism, having their coffee nature swallowed up in milkshake.
Chicory is Arian, not truly coffee at all but a separate creation.
Irish coffee is Nestorian, being two natures conjoined solely by good will.
Nitro coffee (coffee + Red Bull) is Montanist, having a form of godliness but denying its power.
Affogato is Adoptionist, being merely topped with espresso.
The Café Bombón is Sabellian, appearing at some points to be foam, at others coffee and at others sweetened condensed milk.
The Caffè Americano is a form of Unitarian Universalism, being so watered down so as not even to qualify as coffee.
The Café miel violates Canon 57 of the Council in Trullo, “for it is not right to offer honey and milk” in one’s coffee.
The Cafe Mocha (espresso + steamed milk + chocolate) is syncretic and polytheist, for it presumes to adulterate coffee with another nation’s gods.
The Doppio (espresso + espresso) is Monothelite, permitting only one will to dominate.
Half-Caf is another form of Adoptionism, being a hybrid of disparate natures.
The Pharisäer (drip coffee + 2 shots rum + whipped cream) is nothing but sheer Antinomianism.
The Red Eye (drip coffee + 1 shot espresso) is Ebionite, for it would swallow up pure faith in the Law.
A rigorist exclusivism for Fair Trade Coffee is a form of Donatism, insisting that only sinless hands may produce a true beverage.
“Coffee is bad for you”: The watchwords of the Iconoclast.
The fellow who just keeps adding sugar to his over-roasted Pike’s Place is surely a Pelagian.
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

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#2
What does that make cold brew?
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#3
(12-23-2017, 02:47 PM)Dominicus Wrote: What does that make cold brew?

Obviously atheist, since cold brew is not really coffee, they don't believe in coffee! LOL! To be true coffee it must be hot! LOL
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


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#4
How does kopi luwak fit in with this?
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#5
As long as espresso, cappuccino, and straight black are Catholic then I'm happy.

I mean cappuccino is named after Capuchin monks, how could it not be?
Blood of Christ, relief of the burdened, save us.

“It is my design to die in the brew house; let ale be placed in my mouth when I am expiring, that when the choirs of angels come, they may say, “Be God propitious to this drinker.” – St. Columbanus, A.D. 612

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#6
(12-23-2017, 10:32 PM)Jeeter Wrote: How does kopi luwak fit in with this?

Well that's just plain modernism. It goes in one end and comes out the other looking basically the same on the outside but actually covered in feces.
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#7
So then, a cup of any real coffee, black and hot would be a rugged traditionalist of the St.Pius X ilk.
One should have an open mind; open enough that things get in, but not so open that everything falls out
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The individual is handicapped by coming face to face with a conspiracy so monstrous that he cannot believe it exists.
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Its no wonder truth is stranger than fiction.
Fiction has to make sense
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