Feelings of Worthlessness and a Difficult Decision
#1
Bug 
I am getting married in the middle of May this year. I lived with my fiance for a while but decided to "do the right thing" and move home with my parents until I got married. Like I mentioned in some previous posts, my parents are difficult people to live with, and I've had some staggering expenses lately that have pretty much wiped out my savings (that my parents have not offered to help me with). Since I graduated college a few years ago, I have been fired from 3 jobs, two of which were very high-paying, high-power office jobs. When I had those illustrious jobs, it was the only time in my life that I felt my parents were really proud of me. Now all of that is gone and I feel like a worthless burden mooching off my folks. Anyone who has ever been unemployed for a long time can tell you how much it eats away at your self esteem. In this culture, having a job is everything.

My parents live in a very rural area where there are no jobs that are suitable for a young girl. The only job prospects I have are in the big city where my fiance lives, an hour away from my parents' home. The winter has been brutal here and the roads are rarely safe to drive on, so commuting is out of the question.

The bottom line is, I need money and a job but the only way that can happen is if I move in with my fiance again and work in his town. I know I need to trust that God will provide for me if I only do the right thing, but I just can't passively sit here and watch my debts pile up while my folks rag on me for being a worthless bum.

 Really don't know what to do. Prayers and any input are appreciated. Thanks.


St. Mary of Egypt, Ora Pro Nobis!







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#2
May Our Lady guide you to the truth! Praying for you! :heart:
"O God my God, look upon me: why hast thou forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my sins.

O my God, I shall cry by day, and thou wilt not hear: and by night, and it shall not be reputed as folly in me." Psalm 21
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#3
(02-06-2018, 09:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I am getting married in the middle of May this year. I lived with my fiance for a while but decided to "do the right thing" and move home with my parents until I got married. Like I mentioned in some previous posts, my parents are difficult people to live with, and I've had some staggering expenses lately that have pretty much wiped out my savings (that my parents have not offered to help me with). Since I graduated college a few years ago, I have been fired from 3 jobs, two of which were very high-paying, high-power office jobs. When I had those illustrious jobs, it was the only time in my life that I felt my parents were really proud of me. Now all of that is gone and I feel like a worthless burden mooching off my folks. Anyone who has ever been unemployed for a long time can tell you how much it eats away at your self esteem. In this culture, having a job is everything.

My parents live in a very rural area where there are no jobs that are suitable for a young girl. The only job prospects I have are in the big city where my fiance lives, an hour away from my parents' home. The winter has been brutal here and the roads are rarely safe to drive on, so commuting is out of the question.

The bottom line is, I need money and a job but the only way that can happen is if I move in with my fiance again and work in his town. I know I need to trust that God will provide for me if I only do the right thing, but I just can't passively sit here and watch my debts pile up while my folks rag on me for being a worthless bum.

 Really don't know what to do. Prayers and any input are appreciated. Thanks.
Peace.....pray to your guardian angel and remember too when you are at Mass, all the Holy Angels are present in the room - as are the souls in Purgatory, the Holy Family and God Himself.  Go to confession before you receive the Eucharist and keep your hope!  God bless, angeltime :monstrance:
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#4
Prayers, of course!

Have you considered working online?  A telecommuting position may be just the right thing.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
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#5
Have you looked into working online?

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.
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#6
We fly to Thy protection, O Holy Mother of God; Do not despise our petitions in our necessities, but deliver us always from all dangers, O Glorious and Blessed Virgin. Amen.
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


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#7
:pray: :pray: :pray: Three aves for thee.  Godspeed!
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#8
Thank you, all. I have tried finding jobs where I could work online, but there is very little to offer here in this rural farming community.


I guess I'm just hoping that somebody will tell me "Well, considering your circumstances, living with your fiance is OK." But I know God doesn't work that way.

I'm angry, too, because so many of my cousins and friends are shacked up with their future husbands and having all the sex they want and don't suffer any guilt from it because they don't know any better. And then when they die, God will be like "well, you didn't know you were committing a mortal sin, so you're excused." But I, since I know better....I will be held to judgement. It's so unfair.

Why bother trying to do the right thing if it doesn't really matter in the long run.

It seems that God delights in making us suffer under the guise that "it's good for us." Following all of God's ridiculous rules is hard enough. Can't He at least give us a break and help us out when we try to do the right thing?

But no, we're just supposed to "offer it up" and watch while all the bad people get ahead in life and get all the breaks.


St. Mary of Egypt, Ora Pro Nobis!







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#9
(02-07-2018, 03:07 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: But no, we're just supposed to "offer it up" and watch while all the bad people get ahead in life and get all the breaks.
May I suggest reading and meditating on the Psalter? As I say my Daily Office, I am amazed at how many verses address this exact type of situation. 

For instance, the third Psalm at Terce of Wednesday (which I'm about to say):

Quote:Psalm 54(17-24) [3]

54:17 But I have cried to God: * and the Lord will save me.
54:18 Evening and morning, and at noon I will speak and declare: * and he shall hear my voice.
54:19 He shall redeem my soul in peace from them that draw near to me: * for among many they were with me.
54:20 God shall hear, * and the Eternal shall humble them.
54:20 For there is no change with them, and they have not feared God: * he hath stretched forth his hand to repay.
54:21 They have defiled his covenant, they are divided by the wrath of his countenance, * and his heart hath drawn near.
54:22 His words are smoother than oil, * and the same are darts.
54:23 Cast thy care upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: * he shall not suffer the just to waver for ever.
54:24 But thou, O God, shalt bring them down * into the pit of destruction.
54:24 Bloody and deceitful men shall not live out half their days; * but I will trust in thee, O Lord.
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


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#10
(02-07-2018, 03:07 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: Thank you, all. I have tried finding jobs where I could work online, but there is very little to offer here in this rural farming community.


I guess I'm just hoping that somebody will tell me "Well, considering your circumstances, living with your fiance is OK." But I know God doesn't work that way.

I'm angry, too, because so many of my cousins and friends are shacked up with their future husbands and having all the sex they want and don't suffer any guilt from it because they don't know any better. And then when they die, God will be like "well, you didn't know you were committing a mortal sin, so you're excused." But I, since I know better....I will be held to judgement. It's so unfair.

Why bother trying to do the right thing if it doesn't really matter in the long run.

It seems that God delights in making us suffer under the guise that "it's good for us." Following all of God's ridiculous rules is hard enough. Can't He at least give us a break and help us out when we try to do the right thing?

But no, we're just supposed to "offer it up" and watch while all the bad people get ahead in life and get all the breaks.

You poor thing!  Please, don't hope that.  You're doing the right thing in living apart from your fiance'. Talk to your confessor.  This is a spiritual problem that should be worked out with a priest, and in the confessional.  Praying that you don't give up. 

This life is suffering.  The longer we live the more we suffer.  But we suffer for our sins, and do not suffer all the time.  God is merciful.  Considering the "injustice" of our suffering, Jesus deserved no suffering whatsoever for He was sinless, yet suffered intensely for our sins to reveal how offended He is and how much he madly loves us, so as to die to bring us back from sin.   Don't forget that fact in your daily sufferings, saying, "My Jesus, you suffered so very much for me! I love you! I suffer for you, too! Have mercy on my soul! O Mary, you suffered so much for me, I suffer, too, for you, and I love you! Pray for me!".  It is very humbling.

If bad people get so called 'breaks', it's because 1) God is preparing the day of His wrath for them, 2) giving them what they want (to their downfall), 3)teaching the just/elect/good that true life consists in pursuing eternal not earthly life (Heaven is infinitely better than Earth), and 4) to show that God still cares for the wicked as a grieving father and wants their conversion ("But if the wicked do penance for all his sins which he hath committed, and keep all my commandments, and do judgment, and justice, living he shall live, and shall not die." [Ezekiel 18:21])  

Don't envy people who do bad things, friend.  Instead, pray for them.  It'll do you no good to envy them.  Instead, hope for the future and in God, and pray for the desire of being and remaining pure of heart and to receive the health and wealth you need in your life proper to you.  God is granting you this trial in order to sanctify you and bring you wisdom.  I know it must be hard, but take it with love!  :D   Go to confession.  Pray the Rosary daily for continual conversion and peace and purity of heart and wealth and health and sorrow for your sins.

We love you here at FishEaters, and God loves you so very much!  May He grant you eventual peace and prosperity and grace and justice! Praying for you!  :heart:
"O God my God, look upon me: why hast thou forsaken me? Far from my salvation are the words of my sins.

O my God, I shall cry by day, and thou wilt not hear: and by night, and it shall not be reputed as folly in me." Psalm 21
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