More Pre-Nuptial Woes
#1
We were supposed to go to the city hall to get our marriage license today and he stalled at the last minute. I've already sent out invitations and put down a deposit for a caterer. Family members have booked hotel rooms and bought plane tickets. My mom is planning my bridal shower.

He says that the problem is not me but rather the fact that we can't decide where we want to live after marriage. He wants to move back to the east coast to help his dysfunctional family. I want to stay close to my parents in the Midwest because my family is still intact and sane. His family despises me and has been convincing him to leave me and move back with them and the squalor they embrace. I don't want my kids to be around his depressed mother and alcoholic brothers. His father isn't in the picture and is living in sin with another woman.

I am not sure if not agreeing on where you're going to live is grounds for ending it all, but here it be. That is really the only issue; we get along fine otherwise.

Not even sure if prayer can help at this point, but please pray anyway.


St. Mary of Egypt, Ora Pro Nobis!







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#2
SacraCor714, I think there are quite a number of alarm bells here.  This isn't the first time he's been nervous about getting married.  This isn't the first stumbling block.  If you guys can't work out basics like where to live now, married life will not be any easier.  Perhaps this is for the best . . .  I will pray for you both, but it sounds like it may be for the best.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
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#3
He is marrying you, not his dysfunctional family. Where you live may be an issue, but it is only an indicator of a deeper issue. If he were forced to choose between you and his family, who would he choose?  If not you, then you should not marry him. It may be that he would choose you though, but he may need more time to come to that conclusion.
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#4
I will pray for you. I am so sorry you continue to come up against hurdles through this process. :(
I am in the process of discerning my vocation with the help of my priest. If you would like to read my thoughts as I progress through this process of discernment feel free to visit my blog: https://walkingthelittleway.com
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#5
You know that Red Is Dead with your avatar's safety off is disturbing:  maybe the safety should be turned on.  Of course, very superficially I would need time to reach the same conclusion:  it's the money to be saved to travel to meet you and I can stand to make myself more marriageable.  As it is now; I like how you spoke about your family; however, your father spending nothing on your marriage two months before the date says a volume, or two, maybe he wants to spend money on stationary saying--"It's off!"--maybe I am being insensitive.  Anyway, thank you for visiting my profile.  I was a little disappointed that you are engaged:  I do not feel so bad about it now, but your fiance could send an Automotive Ref to his brothers.  It has a formula in it for blood alcohol content, and he could send a note to them saying, "Drink more water!".  All the sex your friends are having with whom they live, the feelings of intensity emotionally change and there is no summit to their climb.  They're headed back to the foothills after a peak, or two.  What a poor analogy, summitting isn't everything, but it can be life threatening.
St.  Christopher, pray for uspeaceful means toward peaceful ends.


:doh:
:skullbones:
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#6
(03-14-2018, 01:02 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: We were supposed to go to the city hall to get our marriage license today and he stalled at the last minute. I've already sent out invitations and put down a deposit for a caterer. Family members have booked hotel rooms and bought plane tickets. My mom is planning my bridal shower.

He says that the problem is not me but rather the fact that we can't decide where we want to live after marriage. He wants to move back to the east coast to help his dysfunctional family. I want to stay close to my parents in the Midwest because my family is still intact and sane. His family despises me and has been convincing him to leave me and move back with them and the squalor they embrace. I don't want my kids to be around his depressed mother and alcoholic brothers. His father isn't in the picture and is living in sin with another woman.

I am not sure if not agreeing on where you're going to live is grounds for ending it all, but here it be. That is really the only issue; we get along fine otherwise.

Not even sure if prayer can help at this point, but please pray anyway.

I will most assuredly be keeping you both in my prayers. It seems as though you've had to drag this young man toward the altar every step of the way. It just doesn't seem right, my dear. May you both find God's will for your lives, and may you both be granted the courage and fortitude to jump right in and follow wherever He leads you.
"..the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world" -William Ross Wallace
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#7
(03-14-2018, 01:02 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: We were supposed to go to the city hall to get our marriage license today and he stalled at the last minute. I've already sent out invitations and put down a deposit for a caterer. Family members have booked hotel rooms and bought plane tickets. My mom is planning my bridal shower.

He says that the problem is not me but rather the fact that we can't decide where we want to live after marriage. He wants to move back to the east coast to help his dysfunctional family. I want to stay close to my parents in the Midwest because my family is still intact and sane. His family despises me and has been convincing him to leave me and move back with them and the squalor they embrace. I don't want my kids to be around his depressed mother and alcoholic brothers. His father isn't in the picture and is living in sin with another woman.

I am not sure if not agreeing on where you're going to live is grounds for ending it all, but here it be. That is really the only issue; we get along fine otherwise.

Not even sure if prayer can help at this point, but please pray anyway.
Peace.....I can't help but think if you marry without solving this address issue, it will get worse - especially a new bride living with or near a dysfunctional family who despises you - as you said.  This is not the way to begin a God-centered marriage.  The marriage has to have 2 mature independent adults striving for a good life, job and family.  If there are hang-ups, dependencies, arguments about where to live that are serious enough to put the marriage on hold when so many relatives have  invested time and money in it already, something is very questionable.  If you have just reason not to marry even last minute, your relatives will be happy your future was saved/spared even if they are stuck with a gift and hotel bill.  Just be honest with them.  You are saying you and he get along fine otherwise, but it is these kinds of issues that will come up all during your life together - is he going to cancel everything last minute to get his way?  I am wondering now if his family is planning to attend your wedding - if they don't like you or want him to marry you.....If you both solve this 1st issue now before the wedding, then it will be a big hurdle overwith and you can move on - otherwise???  I will pray for you all.....God bless, angeltime :heart:
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#8
SacraCara714,

I went to a local Bible study, not my church, but submitted a prayer request for you, and the group leader prayed that you would have wisdom.  His wife said, "God knows who she [SacraCara714] loves.".  I hope you don't mind, but I liked how he prayed it.  I inserted the identity I have for you, for clarity, in braces.
St.  Christopher, pray for uspeaceful means toward peaceful ends.


:doh:
:skullbones:
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