Jumping In and Out of Hell
#1
I struggle with impure actions, as most of you know. It's something I've been battling since childhood. The thing that bothers me the most about it is how quickly I end up going from being in a state of grace to being in danger of going to hell if I die before I can get to confession. One slip up and all my good works and past accomplishments towards holiness count for nothing, and I am literally teetering on the brink of hell until I go to confession....then bam, I'm all good again until my next slip up.

For someone who is scrupuous and struggles with extreme anxiety, this is too much to bear, and it is literally driving me insane.

I fell last night. My fiance and I have been under duress all week and the emotional strain was nearly unbearable. I fall more when I'm under a great deal of stress. Anyway, now I'll go to hell if I die between now and when I can drag my ass to confession and tell the priest the same sin over and over again like a broken record.

I mean, confession doesn't really help. And even when I can receive communion, it doesn't seem to help either. I've gone to Mass and then gone right home and succumbed again.

In and out of hell like a yo-yo....it doesn't feel like it should be this way.

JUST. STOP. SINNING. THEN YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM. That's what everybody usually tells me.

Well, if that worked, I wouldn't be here now would I?
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Reply
#2
Sacracor, I feel you completely on this.

I think because people today are so acclimated the way the world is  they don't full appreciate just how anxiety inducing everything about the modern experience all can be.

Anxiety , depression and fear kill the spiritual life.  I know because I experience it myself.  

The Ancient world, heck even the world before the mid 20th century was positively serene compared to our time now.  It was harder at times, sure, and there were many uncertainties, but, but communities, culture, families, identity, marriages were largely in tact.  Dating was not the huge source of stress it is today. There is a huge amount of peace just coming from this feeling of belonging and stability alone.  

The world was comparatively slow moving, our senses were not constantly being bombarded.  We did not have to fly around in fast traveling steel death mobiles all day every day just to make it to work.  

Working on a farm all day is tiring, yes, but one ends the day with a good conscience and a healthy fatigue.  Slaving away in the corporate office doing meaningless "make-work", not knowing if one is contributing to some corporate evil , or if one's financial investments are supporting the cause of institutionalized evil and the culture of death is a constant, dark annoyance.

Sin was a lot harder to fall into.  Whole communities supported one another both in our natural life and oftentimes supernatural life.  

Architecture and our surroundings were more connected to the natural and sublime.  Even when poor, there was more peace among people.  

I do not have an answer for you other than the usual suggestions, but I just wanted to know I commiserate with you and share your concerns.  You are not alone.
[-] The following 1 user Likes BC's post:
  • SacraCor714
Reply
#3
(03-16-2018, 02:15 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I struggle with impure actions, as most of you know. It's something I've been battling since childhood. The thing that bothers me the most about it is how quickly I end up going from being in a state of grace to being in danger of going to hell if I die before I can get to confession. One slip up and all my good works and past accomplishments towards holiness count for nothing, and I am literally teetering on the brink of hell until I go to confession....then bam, I'm all good again until my next slip up.

For someone who is scrupuous and struggles with extreme anxiety, this is too much to bear, and it is literally driving me insane.

I fell last night. My fiance and I have been under duress all week and the emotional strain was nearly unbearable. I fall more when I'm under a great deal of stress. Anyway, now I'll go to hell if I die between now and when I can drag my ass to confession and tell the priest the same sin over and over again like a broken record.

I mean, confession doesn't really help. And even when I can receive communion, it doesn't seem to help either. I've gone to Mass and then gone right home and succumbed again.

In and out of hell like a yo-yo....it doesn't feel like it should be this way.

JUST. STOP. SINNING. THEN YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM. That's what everybody usually tells me.

Well, if that worked, I wouldn't be here now would I?

Well, my understanding is that if you have perfect contrition for your sin, then you can be in a state of grace before your next Confession.  But, obviously, PERFECT contrition is a pretty high standard.

Are you guys living together?  What is your situation at the moment?
Reply
#4
We are living together but in separate bedrooms, and we've both been under so much stress that we haven't had the desire to make out :rolleyes: 

This agony has been affecting me for years and way before I started dating him.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Reply
#5
How's your prayer life?

Morning Offering. Daily rosary (5 decades at least). 3 Hail Marys devotion (follow each HM with "Oh my Mother, preserve me from mortal sin during this day/night." Do this upon waking and before retiring). Call upon the Precious Blood when you are in the thick of a powerful temptation.

I know I couldn't even begin to overcome my own temptations against purity until I got these basics in order. I was addicted to impure actions, but thanks to the grace of Our Lord and the intercession of Our Lady I haven't mortally sinned in this area for close to a year. 

Don't despair. You are supposed to be weak. You are not supposed to be able to do it all alone. Some temptations are only surmountable with God's explicit aid -- ask for His help and accept it when it's offered.
Reply
#6
(03-16-2018, 02:41 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: We are living together but in separate bedrooms, and we've both been under so much stress that we haven't had the desire to make out :rolleyes: 

This agony has been affecting me for years and way before I started dating him.

Whenever you find your mind even considering sin, start the Rosary.  You have reason to pray all the more ardently if you're struggling with a habitual sin. 

Remember: we're all called to chastity, period.  In about a month and a half your situation is going to change to chastity in the married life, but you'll at least have your relationship elevated to Sacramental, Holy Matrimony, and then you'll have no conscience to bother you any further.  If you're currently praying 5 decades of the Rosary daily, start praying 15.  If you're praying 15 already, pray 30.  Pray, pray, and pray some more.  You need God's strength and blessing.  If there's mortal sin in the soul, then all the more reason to pray the Rosary to get your soul back to it's proper state.  One of the worst things you can do when you fall into mortal sin is give up praying. It's then that you need to pray the most ardently of all.  I'll pray for you as well. 

And, not to sound insensitive, but: for goodness' sake it's only like 6-8 weeks and you're going to be MARRIED.  Spend your spare time praying, and praying, and praying, and read Holy Books. 

Start reading "My Catholic Faith" by Bishop Morrow -- it's online to read.  It's a true classic.
[-] The following 2 users Like FultonFan's post:
  • Galahad3, IntoTheMystic
Reply
#7
I know I'm getting married soon--it can't come fast enough!!! :D 

But I know I will probably not stop masturbating even after we are married. Especially when we are abstaining and I choose masturbation over having sex with my husband that could result in an unwanted pregnancy.

That, in my opinion, would be a far worse sin than what I am doing now. Like the sin of Onan.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Reply
#8
Don't "know" that you'll "probably" keep sinning. You may have been weak before, you may be weak now, but believe, hope, and trust that God will provide you with the graces necessary to put these troubles behind you. You just have to meet Him halfway!
[-] The following 1 user Likes Galahad3's post:
  • IntoTheMystic
Reply
#9
(03-16-2018, 03:25 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I know I'm getting married soon--it can't come fast enough!!! :D 

But I know I will probably not stop masturbating even after we are married. Especially when we are abstaining and I choose masturbation over having sex with my husband that could result in an unwanted pregnancy.

That, in my opinion, would be a far worse sin than what I am doing now. Like the sin of Onan.

Sounds like you need a hobby.
Reply
#10
(03-16-2018, 03:38 PM)FultonFan Wrote:
(03-16-2018, 03:25 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I know I'm getting married soon--it can't come fast enough!!! :D 

But I know I will probably not stop masturbating even after we are married. Especially when we are abstaining and I choose masturbation over having sex with my husband that could result in an unwanted pregnancy.

That, in my opinion, would be a far worse sin than what I am doing now. Like the sin of Onan.

Sounds like you need a hobby.

I have lots of hobbies. Trap shooting, knife throwing, cross stitch, baking, and beading to name a few. :P

You see, so many people who don't struggle with sexual addictions say things like "Stay busy, get a hobby, get a life." Like we just sit around whacking off all day and literally do nothing else.  :rolleyes: I haven't known a single person who struggles with this sin who was helped by "hobbies." You can wear yourself out with zumba and collecting stamps and what have you, but that's not going to help you when you're in the shower and temptation strikes, or when you're lying in bed until 2am trying not to succumb to all the impure thoughts and images that keep bombarding you. You're not just going to roll over and pull out your rock collection.  :s

I used to go to the gym for two hours every day and run 10 miles nonstop trying to "fix" myself. It only increased my testosterone levels and made me even more susceptible to temptation. :dodgy:
 
I can't understand a Church that holds its believers to such impossibly high standards and damns them to hell for the slightest mess-up. What does God expect us to be anyway?

I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions. That just sounds insane...because it is.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)