Jumping In and Out of Hell
#11
(03-16-2018, 08:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote:
(03-16-2018, 03:38 PM)FultonFan Wrote:
(03-16-2018, 03:25 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I know I'm getting married soon--it can't come fast enough!!! :D 

But I know I will probably not stop masturbating even after we are married. Especially when we are abstaining and I choose masturbation over having sex with my husband that could result in an unwanted pregnancy.

That, in my opinion, would be a far worse sin than what I am doing now. Like the sin of Onan.

Sounds like you need a hobby.

I have lots of hobbies. Trap shooting, knife throwing, cross stitch, baking, and beading to name a few. :P

You see, so many people who don't struggle with sexual addictions say things like "Stay busy, get a hobby, get a life." Like we just sit around whacking off all day and literally do nothing else.  :rolleyes: I haven't known a single person who struggles with this sin who was helped by "hobbies." You can wear yourself out with zumba and collecting stamps and what have you, but that's not going to help you when you're in the shower and temptation strikes, or when you're lying in bed until 2am trying not to succumb to all the impure thoughts and images that keep bombarding you. You're not just going to roll over and pull out your rock collection.  :s

I used to go to the gym for two hours every day and run 10 miles nonstop trying to "fix" myself. It only increased my testosterone levels and made me even more susceptible to temptation. :dodgy:
 
I can't understand a Church that holds its believers to such impossibly high standards and damns them to hell for the slightest mess-up. What does God expect us to be anyway?

I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions. That just sounds insane...because it is.

Well if you have a legit psychological disorder it's possible there is reduced culpability.  Although you still need to resist with all you have.
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#12
(03-16-2018, 02:15 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I struggle with impure actions, as most of you know. It's something I've been battling since childhood. The thing that bothers me the most about it is how quickly I end up going from being in a state of grace to being in danger of going to hell if I die before I can get to confession. One slip up and all my good works and past accomplishments towards holiness count for nothing, and I am literally teetering on the brink of hell until I go to confession....then bam, I'm all good again until my next slip up.

For someone who is scrupuous and struggles with extreme anxiety, this is too much to bear, and it is literally driving me insane.

I fell last night. My fiance and I have been under duress all week and the emotional strain was nearly unbearable. I fall more when I'm under a great deal of stress. Anyway, now I'll go to hell if I die between now and when I can drag my ass to confession and tell the priest the same sin over and over again like a broken record.

I mean, confession doesn't really help. And even when I can receive communion, it doesn't seem to help either. I've gone to Mass and then gone right home and succumbed again.

In and out of hell like a yo-yo....it doesn't feel like it should be this way.

JUST. STOP. SINNING. THEN YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM. That's what everybody usually tells me.

Well, if that worked, I wouldn't be here now would I?

You are here now, and that in itself is an act of grace. Forgive me if you've already said, but are you in therapy? I think it could help tremendously. In addition, do you wear the brown scapular? Trust in that scapular, say the rosary, go to frequent confession and I really think you have nothing to fear. God will provide in the end.
Oh my Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything.--Fr Dolindo Ruotolo

Persevere..Eucharist, Holy Rosary, Brown Scapular, Confession. You will win.
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#13
(03-16-2018, 02:15 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I struggle with impure actions, as most of you know. It's something I've been battling since childhood. The thing that bothers me the most about it is how quickly I end up going from being in a state of grace to being in danger of going to hell if I die before I can get to confession. One slip up and all my good works and past accomplishments towards holiness count for nothing, and I am literally teetering on the brink of hell until I go to confession....then bam, I'm all good again until my next slip up.

For someone who is scrupuous and struggles with extreme anxiety, this is too much to bear, and it is literally driving me insane.

I fell last night. My fiance and I have been under duress all week and the emotional strain was nearly unbearable. I fall more when I'm under a great deal of stress. Anyway, now I'll go to hell if I die between now and when I can drag my ass to confession and tell the priest the same sin over and over again like a broken record.

I mean, confession doesn't really help. And even when I can receive communion, it doesn't seem to help either. I've gone to Mass and then gone right home and succumbed again.

In and out of hell like a yo-yo....it doesn't feel like it should be this way.

JUST. STOP. SINNING. THEN YOU WON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM. That's what everybody usually tells me.

Well, if that worked, I wouldn't be here now would I?

Keep going to confession. Keep trying. Every so often say an act of contrition. Never give up. I will pray for you.
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#14
(03-16-2018, 08:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions.


I sympathize with this statement. I'm 26, nowhere close to being married. Most men get married at 29, are we supposed to not mastrubate for 29 years? I mean, I don't fornicate but no sexual release for 29 years? And it seems like someone who's done it 1000 times and someone who's done it 5 times get treated the same if they die before going to confession.
And on the other hand, there's a crowd that loves to talk how sinners are saved all the time and if someone 'repents' after decades of fornication he will be saved. So it's either limitless mercy for everyone, or eternal death for 1 slip up or both or what?
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#15
(03-17-2018, 02:12 PM)Rivers Wrote:
(03-16-2018, 08:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions.


I sympathize with this statement. I'm 26, nowhere close to being married. Most men get married at 29, are we supposed to not mastrubate for 29 years? I mean, I don't fornicate but no sexual release for 29 years? And it seems like someone who's done it 1000 times and someone who's done it 5 times get treated the same if they die before going to confession.
And on the other hand, there's a crowd that loves to talk how sinners are saved all the time and if someone 'repents' after decades of fornication he will be saved. So it's either limitless mercy for everyone, or eternal death for 1 slip up or both or what?

I sympathize too. Greatly. 

Apparently, it is up to God how much he tolerates, weighed upon factors only He knows and which differs among different souls according to His ministrations.

I post this with trepidation, but also hope that God would have mercy on me, a terrible sinner personally , for sharing:

ON THE NUMBER OF SINS BEYOND WHICH GOD PARDONS NO MORE

http://www.olrl.org/snt_docs/num_sins.shtml

Do NOT despair. Live the life we have left with sobriety, gratitude, and mercy towards ourselves.
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#16
(03-16-2018, 08:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I can't understand a Church that holds its believers to such impossibly high standards and damns them to hell for the slightest mess-up. What does God expect us to be anyway?

I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions. That just sounds insane...because it is.

I understand you may be frustrated, but there is absolutely zero logic to this.

Firstly the Church doesn't ask the impossible, neither does God. To suggest the latter would be blasphemous, because it would be to directly attack God's Wisdom.

With the help of grace we can avoid all sin, even venial. The fact that we don't (an none of us do) is not because the standard is too high, but because we're in some way unwilling to live up to that standard.

Mortal sin is a two-fold turning. One turns toward a creature as his end, and away from God. The fact that we turn away from God is what causes the loss of God and Sanctifying Grace. Because God has give us the grace to resist (an sufficient grace to do so), it is our fault for turning away, so we are guilty.

God's Mercy is that, knowing our weakness, He is willing to pardon those offenses if we just have contrition for our sins. We are pardoned from the eternal punishment and grace restored to our soul by an act of Perfect Contrition or by Imperfect Contrition plus Confession.

The first thing to do if you fall is make as perfect an act of contrition as you can, because one has such perfect contrition it restores Sanctifying Grace. You still have to confess by the law of the Church before you receive Communion, and that act of perfect contrition includes the resolution to confess as soon as reasonably possible, but it does remove your sin. It is a good thing to make a habit of every night after you examine your conscience.

You also cannot blame God or the Church for where you might not use the remedies provided you. Sure, a hobby alone is not going to fix your problem. You need to pray seriously and often, make sacrifices, remove the occasions of sin. When the temptations come you need to push them away and turn your mind to other things, change your activities right there and then. You need to use the sacramentals of the Church (like Holy Water, scapulars. medals, the cord of St. Joseph, etc.). Unless you have exhausted the use of these things, plus all the natural methods, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

So, fine, you've fallen. Get up, start looking seriously for what you can do to remove the occasions of sin. Load up on the sacramentals. Get some Holy Water and use it often. Make a frequent examination of your conscience, especially at night before bed, when you do this, make a perfect act of contrition for all your sins. Get a schedule settled so you do not have free time to waste, and what free time you have use for good recreations and prayers. Space prayer throughout the day. Make a morning offering. Frequently renew your intentions throughout the day. Frequently recall the presence of God around you. Frequently ask for help to keep chaste. Say the Three Hail Marys (every morning and evening right after getting up and just before going to bed, kneeling on your fingers, say three Hail Marys for purity).

You have plenty of things to do and remedies. Unless you are using every single one perfectly, you can't blame the Church or God, and I am sure you are not, because no one does.

You can't expect grace to do all the work. That's a Protestant idea. It doesn't work that way.

We have to keep getting up, keep trying, use other techniques, put other things into practice. Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!
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#17
(03-17-2018, 09:21 PM)BC Wrote: ON THE NUMBER OF SINS BEYOND WHICH GOD PARDONS NO MORE

http://www.olrl.org/snt_docs/num_sins.shtml

Yeah but that's also something no one can know. And the Church has never said ''if you fornicate for 40 years, when you go to confession you maybe won't be forgiven''. Nowadays, everyone's so quick to justify sinning and to go on and on about repentance. I mean, of course you're gonna repent when you're near death and afraid of going to hell. Or when they've had their fill and got bored of it. But is that sincere enough because I'm not inclined to believe that people regret sleeping with and having fun with other people, ''oh I'm so sorry I slept with 50 beautiful women''. Yeah, no. What irks me the most is how people justify people in perpetual sin while at the same time they'd condemn a fellow Catholic to hell for mastrubating 5 times. Also, how many Catholics use contraception or engage in premarital sex and still receive communion every Sunday?

It's hard to make sense of anything. On the one hand, you have all those quotes form the Bible about saving the sinners, then you have the ones that say they will be destroyed and God is not mocked. What if a man tries his best to find a wife but can't? Is he supposed to live without mastrubation all his life? And let's not even go into contraception, which seems to me quite impossible to do. I mean, if you don't want a baby, does it really matter how you avoid having it? Whether it's a piece of latex or having sex only during 2 weeks a month, the underlying principle is the same.

Or what about confession, like the OP said, people repeat the same stuff every time like a broken record. Does confession even matter in that case? Because if we repeat something so many times, we're obviously not sorry about it. And someone might ask why should we be sorry, we're not hurting anyone anyway.

Someone also said God doesn't ask the impossible. I would say that finding a girl who's willing to not have sex until marriage is as about close to impossible as you can get. Finding a girl who's willing to go to church every Sunday and pray and live according to Christian faith is almost as impossible in the first place.  I can't shake the impression that people are merely repeating certain moral rules but no one actually lives according to them, maybe only a small percentage.

It seems to me it's a lose-lose however you put it:
You either fornicate because you can't find a girl who's willing to forgo it
You marry such girls or girls that are very lukewarm Christians and break the Church commandments on contraception most probably
Or you stay single and mastrubate

In every case, you go to hell.
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#18
(03-18-2018, 06:25 AM)Rivers Wrote:
(03-17-2018, 09:21 PM)BC Wrote: ON THE NUMBER OF SINS BEYOND WHICH GOD PARDONS NO MORE

http://www.olrl.org/snt_docs/num_sins.shtml

Yeah but that's also something no one can know. And the Church has never said ''if you fornicate for 40 years, when you go to confession you maybe won't be forgiven''. Nowadays, everyone's so quick to justify sinning and to go on and on about repentance. I mean, of course you're gonna repent when you're near death and afraid of going to hell. Or when they've had their fill and got bored of it. But is that sincere enough because I'm not inclined to believe that people regret sleeping with and having fun with other people, ''oh I'm so sorry I slept with 50 beautiful women''. Yeah, no. What irks me the most is how people justify people in perpetual sin while at the same time they'd condemn a fellow Catholic to hell for mastrubating 5 times. Also, how many Catholics use contraception or engage in premarital sex and still receive communion every Sunday?

It's hard to make sense of anything. On the one hand, you have all those quotes form the Bible about saving the sinners, then you have the ones that say they will be destroyed and God is not mocked. What if a man tries his best to find a wife but can't? Is he supposed to live without mastrubation all his life? And let's not even go into contraception, which seems to me quite impossible to do. I mean, if you don't want a baby, does it really matter how you avoid having it? Whether it's a piece of latex or having sex only during 2 weeks a month, the underlying principle is the same.

Or what about confession, like the OP said, people repeat the same stuff every time like a broken record. Does confession even matter in that case? Because if we repeat something so many times, we're obviously not sorry about it. And someone might ask why should we be sorry, we're not hurting anyone anyway.

Someone also said God doesn't ask the impossible. I would say that finding a girl who's willing to not have sex until marriage is as about close to impossible as you can get. Finding a girl who's willing to go to church every Sunday and pray and live according to Christian faith is almost as impossible in the first place.  I can't shake the impression that people are merely repeating certain moral rules but no one actually lives according to them, maybe only a small percentage.

It seems to me it's a lose-lose however you put it:
You either fornicate because you can't find a girl who's willing to forgo it
You marry such girls or girls that are very lukewarm Christians and break the Church commandments on contraception most probably
Or you stay single and mastrubate

In every case, you go to hell.

It can certainly seem that way.

I am of the opinion that there has never been a harder time to be saved then now.  

Finding a real Catholic spouse where there is mutual attraction these days seems nigh near impossible.

Even women who are not all that attractive will eventually be chosen and accepted by someone.

Men, on the other hand are much more likely to be involuntary celibate. And with the way nature has designed the incessant drive to procreate for men, combined with the ubiquity of scantily clad women everywhere who torment guys with their look but don't touch taunting, it's never been more difficult for men to remain pure in mind.  Never more difficult.
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#19
(03-18-2018, 06:53 AM)BC Wrote: Finding a real Catholic spouse where there is mutual attraction these days seems nigh near impossible.

Even women who are not all that attractive will eventually be chosen and accepted by someone.

Men, on the other hand are much more likely to be involuntary celibate. And with the way nature has designed the incessant drive to procreate for men, combined with the ubiquity of scantily clad women everywhere who torment guys with their look but don't touch taunting, it's never been more difficult for men to remain pure in mind.  Never more difficult.

And what are our choices? You can take a girl that you can get, ignore the Church teachings and basically go to hell or live a life with no affection and intimacy. Let's be perfectly honest, if you insist on premarital abstinence and full adherence to Church teaching in marriage, you're chances of getting married are practically non existent. So in a sense, you literally need to trade in your soul. And I don't think confession helps either, if you use contraception for 40 years, if you fornicated years before marriage, you're repeating something over and over, you're obviously not sorry so you can't be forgiven.
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#20
I don't have any advice on this regarding sexual activities (even when I was 'married' I was mostly asexual which was a trial to be while married), but I wanted to let you know I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
I am in the process of discerning my vocation with the help of my priest. If you would like to read my thoughts as I progress through this process of discernment feel free to visit my blog: https://walkingthelittleway.com
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