Jumping In and Out of Hell
#31
(03-19-2018, 01:07 AM)Imperator Caesar Trump Wrote:
(03-18-2018, 11:49 PM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: I mean think about it guys, how would you fare if girls were constantly trying to get you to go just a little further, a little further, and manipulating you with flattery, professions of love, invitations to go on fun trips together, guilt manipulation, threats to end it...  

I actually do have this problem.  When it comes to being relentlessly pursued, there are a few problems from the guy's side that I wonder if women experience.  The first is that women do. not. care. about whether a guy is in a relationship.  The old adage about an unavailable guy being more attractive to women is very true.  The second is that when guys aggressively pursue women, it's usually for sex.  When women aggressively pursue guys, it's for the whole package.  They seem to have this idea that if they can get their "foot in the door" then they can somehow sneak their way into a relationship.  But this comes with so much outright lying about what they want and how they feel that it's ridiculous.  I guess the parallel is men pretending they want more when they just want sex.  

Something I noticed more recently - Girls who are saving themselves will get very physical with you if they believe you are a "safe" guy, i.e., a practicing Christian I guess.  Lots of touching and handsiness and over the top flirtiness.  I can understand where it comes from, but it doesn't leave a lot of outs for me.  There's no way, directly or tacitly, to ask them to knock it off without unintentionally conveying interest on some level.  It's admitting that what they're doing is having an effect on you.  You stop being a "safe" guy, but at the expense of becoming a potential love interest.

I used to really, and I mean REALLY, enjoy female attention.  It's something that has turned bitter to me, and I consider that a grace.  But even though it's been several years since the Lord has gotten me under control in this aspect of my life, I still haven't found a solid protocol for deflection.  I honestly try my best, and it leaves me feeling down and guilty when, despite my best attempts to convey my lack of interest, it turns into "sexually harass Imperator Caesar Trump" time.

There's no one I can talk to about this either, so this post felt really good to type.

If you date a good Catholic girl, the two of you could lay out parameters from the get-go.

Tell her your dilemma and the mixed messages and temptations involved and how you don't want to go down that path.

Tell her that you would like an honest relationship where you can be upfront about your feelings and vision for how you would like things to go.

Too much game-playing and not enough honest communicating today.

It's from what we see in movies and tv.  I loved Audrey Hepburn and the chemistry of the fast-paced boy/girl conversations in the old movies and cuteness of "couple talk" in the new.

But often, it's a really bad example of how to be manipulative and not really communicate at all. :/

This article kind of opened my eyes to that.
https://www.henrymakow.com/2013/06/dogs-...fanys.html


At one point in my life, I was going through so many absolutely unbelievable trials and difficulties that I sought out an FSSP priest who performed a rite of exorcism on me.  The process included a long list of questions and one of them was about a spirit of "coquettishness".  I confessed that yes, I do believe I had acquired this spirit in my teens. In fact, I believe most teen girls are encouraged to develop this devilish trait.  Thank the Lord for revealing this to me and delivering me!

Girls are taught to believe that life is a fashion show and the more men you "turn on" or get attention from the better you are.  The girl with the most points at the end of the evening wins.  And you can still do this kind of flirtation in modest dress.  But I don't think they even realize what they are doing much of the time, it's just habit from conditioning.

If love is wanting what is best for the other, then no potential wife would "sexually harass".  They are only trying to determine the amount of sex appeal they possess.  They've seen too many movies where the guy says, "No," and it's all in good fun for her to advance further still.  It's an exercise in vanity.

Perhaps you could try something like taking her by the hand, looking her straight in the eye and saying, "Please, I really like you, but this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for.  I'd rather have an honest friendship (or relationship depending on your intentions) with you."
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#32
(03-19-2018, 02:49 AM)Rivers Wrote: The thing is, the Church is not telling anyone to not do it. And people's convictions about the faith are weak anyway. But the problem is that when people used to get married at 18,19 or 20, this whole thing was doable. But at 29, gee whiz. I mean, I'm 26 and I have managed to avoid it so far because I'm lazy and never really go after girls but if I decide to enter a relationship I can't guarantee anything. Furthermore, mastrubation is considered equally bad, so if you're doing it you might as well get a girlfriend and just go for the real thing, both are mortal sins, but one is nicer.
And it is a gauntlet. An averagely attractive woman gets bombarded with male attention, I understand that. But I can't respect women who crave it and deliberately put themselves into a position where fornication can easily happen. I honestly thing that aside from the tribal pre historic period, this is the worst time to be a man ever. And on top of that, you have to basically choose whether to live in sin or live without female companionship.

I commend you for your efforts!  It's truly heroic.

You may try seeking a younger wife from the trad community.  There's one advantage of being a man.

If you have kids, you'll be able to tell them that you waited for their mother and challenge them to do the same.

It is quite depressing and so easy to fall into self-pity.  Satan loves that because it taints the virtue you are striving for in the first place.

You are one in a million just as Jesus was and just as the Saints are.  Would you be happier if you joined the crowd?

No, it's empty promises.  Don't listen to him.

Plus, marriage ain't no piece of cake.

Try to focus on enjoying the pleasures of the single life that won't be available to you when you are tied down to a wife and kids.  (It can feel like a prison sometimes. :P)

Travel, study, learn new hobbies and skills.  Make a bucket list and go for it!  Relish those freedoms and be grateful. 

Gratitude squashes self-pity.
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#33
(03-19-2018, 03:53 AM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: If you date a good Catholic girl, the two of you could lay out parameters from the get-go.

Tell her your dilemma and the mixed messages and temptations involved and how you don't want to go down that path.

Tell her that you would like an honest relationship where you can be upfront about your feelings and vision for how you would like things to go.

Too much game-playing and not enough honest communicating today.

It's from what we see in movies and tv.  I loved Audrey Hepburn and the chemistry of the fast-paced boy/girl conversations in the old movies and cuteness of "couple talk" in the new.

But often, it's a really bad example of how to be manipulative and not really communicate at all. :/

This article kind of opened my eyes to that.
https://www.henrymakow.com/2013/06/dogs-...fanys.html


At one point in my life, I was going through so many absolutely unbelievable trials and difficulties that I sought out an FSSP priest who performed a rite of exorcism on me.  The process included a long list of questions and one of them was about a spirit of "coquettishness".  I confessed that yes, I do believe I had acquired this spirit in my teens. In fact, I believe most teen girls are encouraged to develop this devilish trait.  Thank the Lord for revealing this to me and delivering me!

Girls are taught to believe that life is a fashion show and the more men you "turn on" or get attention from the better you are.  The girl with the most points at the end of the evening wins.  And you can still do this kind of flirtation in modest dress.  But I don't think they even realize what they are doing much of the time, it's just habit from conditioning.

If love is wanting what is best for the other, then no potential wife would "sexually harass".  They are only trying to determine the amount of sex appeal they possess.  They've seen too many movies where the guy says, "No," and it's all in good fun for her to advance further still.  It's an exercise in vanity.

Perhaps you could try something like taking her by the hand, looking her straight in the eye and saying, "Please, I really like you, but this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for.  I'd rather have an honest friendship (or relationship depending on your intentions) with you."

These days, I am doing OK because I am dating a good Catholic girl thankfully!  Of course, we met when I was discerning the priesthood, so take that for what you will.  Because I work in a female-dominated field, I try to make the fact that I am in a relationship very prominent.  It's hard for me because I really don't like talking about my personal life with others.  Mentioning that I'm religious helps.  I also do not drink at all and make that known - that in itself eliminates so many problems it's unbelievable.  Basically, I go out of my way to seem as "unfun" as possible.  As I said though, the only way that backfires is that it strongly attracts the "saving yourself for marriage" Evangelical types.  

I'm glad you worked things out for yourself!  The problem is that eliminating flirtatious behavior requires being honest with yourself on an extremely deep level.  Like, on a level that requires constant grace.  It's so easy to lie to yourself, and frankly, being a flirt works better the subtler you are.  The other thing too, is that on some level it is OK as long as you're single and looking for a spouse with pure intentions.  I mean, in order to get married you have to date and to date you have to flirt with someone at some point, right?
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#34
(03-19-2018, 09:31 AM)Imperator Caesar Trump Wrote:
(03-19-2018, 03:53 AM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: If you date a good Catholic girl, the two of you could lay out parameters from the get-go.

Tell her your dilemma and the mixed messages and temptations involved and how you don't want to go down that path.

Tell her that you would like an honest relationship where you can be upfront about your feelings and vision for how you would like things to go.

Too much game-playing and not enough honest communicating today.

It's from what we see in movies and tv.  I loved Audrey Hepburn and the chemistry of the fast-paced boy/girl conversations in the old movies and cuteness of "couple talk" in the new.

But often, it's a really bad example of how to be manipulative and not really communicate at all. :/

This article kind of opened my eyes to that.
https://www.henrymakow.com/2013/06/dogs-...fanys.html


At one point in my life, I was going through so many absolutely unbelievable trials and difficulties that I sought out an FSSP priest who performed a rite of exorcism on me.  The process included a long list of questions and one of them was about a spirit of "coquettishness".  I confessed that yes, I do believe I had acquired this spirit in my teens. In fact, I believe most teen girls are encouraged to develop this devilish trait.  Thank the Lord for revealing this to me and delivering me!

Girls are taught to believe that life is a fashion show and the more men you "turn on" or get attention from the better you are.  The girl with the most points at the end of the evening wins.  And you can still do this kind of flirtation in modest dress.  But I don't think they even realize what they are doing much of the time, it's just habit from conditioning.

If love is wanting what is best for the other, then no potential wife would "sexually harass".  They are only trying to determine the amount of sex appeal they possess.  They've seen too many movies where the guy says, "No," and it's all in good fun for her to advance further still.  It's an exercise in vanity.

Perhaps you could try something like taking her by the hand, looking her straight in the eye and saying, "Please, I really like you, but this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for.  I'd rather have an honest friendship (or relationship depending on your intentions) with you."

These days, I am doing OK because I am dating a good Catholic girl thankfully!  Of course, we met when I was discerning the priesthood, so take that for what you will.  Because I work in a female-dominated field, I try to make the fact that I am in a relationship very prominent.  It's hard for me because I really don't like talking about my personal life with others.  Mentioning that I'm religious helps.  I also do not drink at all and make that known - that in itself eliminates so many problems it's unbelievable.  Basically, I go out of my way to seem as "unfun" as possible.  As I said though, the only way that backfires is that it strongly attracts the "saving yourself for marriage" Evangelical types.  

I'm glad you worked things out for yourself!  The problem is that eliminating flirtatious behavior requires being honest with yourself on an extremely deep level.  Like, on a level that requires constant grace.  It's so easy to lie to yourself, and frankly, being a flirt works better the subtler you are.  The other thing too, is that on some level it is OK as long as you're single and looking for a spouse with pure intentions.  I mean, in order to get married you have to date and to date you have to flirt with someone at some point, right?

Oh good!  I'm glad to hear that.

Yes, the religious talk can scare many away.  Before I married, my husband's roommate would always sit next to me and hit on me. I wanted him to go away and future husband to ask me out.  What a fix.  Finally, I just talked about how I enjoyed going to the Blessed Sacrament for holy hour etc.   One night after the both of them walked me to my car, my future husband said to his roommate, "So are you going to ask her out?"  He replied, "I don't know.  I mean, she's more Catholic than you are!" So future husband said, "Well if you don't I will."

Funny thing is, we always felt sorry for roommate and brought him along on our dates! :P

I guess if they are Evangelical you could play up the Catholic angle.  (Although girls always think they can fix you).  Boring is good.

Anyway, the coquettish question was just a random tangent while addressing some serious afflictions from the evil one many years ago.  It made me realize how our culture teaches girls to act that way as if it's a virtue in the same way it teaches men to lust as if it's a virtue. :(

Sure, flirting as in joking around and having fun and complimenting is fine in an open and honest courtship and hopefully continues in marriage.  Manipulative mind games or seduction are not (well, seduction after marriage is good!).  But sometimes for girls, we learn that our value comes from how men respond to us while we act "cute" or whatnot, and it's hard to learn how to just be yourself and not subtly seek attention (especially if you grow up seeing that Dad likes it when girls act that way).  So that word "coquettish" is one that's not used anymore and probably should be.
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#35
Rivers,

I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was a child. I started puberty when I was 9 and I've dealt with my raging sex hormones ever since. I, too, despaired that I would never find a good Catholic man who was willing to save sex for marriage. I went to a secular college and watched everyone around me hook up and get drunk while I cried alone in my room at night. I justified my masturbation habit because I didn't think I would ever get married and I felt like I deserved to feel at least some sexual pleasure since everybody else was getting some. I am 25 now and I still haven't had sex.

You made an interesting comment about how it doesn't seem to matter if you masturbate or fornicate, because both will send you to hell, only one is nicer. It is true that having sex with somebody, even if it's just a one night stand, has more substance to it than whacking off into a tissue in your bedroom. Solo sex is an oxymoron because masturbation is truly no better than violating yourself. Sex is meant to be shared. That's how God designed it.

I know how rotten you must feel and how impatient you are, and I know how hard it is to wait for something that seems like it may never happen while everybody else around you takes what they want, when they want it. But as some other poster said here, self pity is your greatest enemy here. It will make you distrust God to the point where you will eventually completely turn away from Him. You will start to think "God isn't taking care of my needs, so why should I even bother to have a relationship with Him? Screw God. If He's not going to help me, I'm going to help myself."

Remember that God is your Creator. He made your body and your genitals and all your sexual desires and how your hormones interact with your mind and the rest of your body. He knows and understands what you are going through, and He will give you the grace to step up to the plate of your vocation. If you are called to the religious life or the priesthood, then God will give you the grace to be celibate. If you are called to be married, God will give you the grace to do that as well.

I never thought I would get married. I struggled mightily with my sexual desires and still do. I am engaged now and I will hopefully be married in the next few weeks. I was able, through God's intervention, to find a man who is a good Catholic and is a virgin. But the struggle for purity won't end in marriage. If struggling with impurity is your cross, as it is mine, it is a cross you will carry for the rest of your life. Marriage doesn't lighten the load any. Marriage isn't the cure-all for your problems. I know you know that, though. You sound like a very intelligent guy, and I like the questions you are asking here. It shows you are thinking about your faith. A faith unquestioned is a dead faith. Don't let anyone discourage you from asking the hard things.

It is so, so unbearably hard to trust and wait when it seems like God doesn't give a flying fig about you. But keep in mind, too, that if you want an authentic relationship with God, you can't just like Him when things are going your way and He's giving you everything you want in life. Real relationships don't work that way, not even with God. Jesus isn't just a slot machine for favors! He wants you to love Him for more than what He gives you.

If you think you are called to marriage, a great way to prepare for that is to try to start loving God even when He isn't giving you everything you want. Your wife won't always be able to have sex with you (sickness, travel, the old "honey I have a headache" excuse), but you'll still have to love her even when she isn't fulfilling all your needs. It's the same way with God. If you want to be a good husband, start by loving God better first.

One more thing. Please never, ever forget that your sexual desires are not bad. They are actually very good. God doesn't want you to suppress and squash your very healthy and very good sexual desires. That would be bad for you, and God doesn't want anything bad for us. I know that it seems like without being able to masturbate or have sex that you don't have any other outlets. Something you might want to start implementing in your life is offering up a "prayer of acknowledgement" whenever you feel tempted to masturbate. Rather than try to fight down and squelch the urge, which never works, say in your heart "God, I am having sexual urges right now and I really want to masturbate. I know my sexual drive is a good thing and a gift that you have given me, so please help me to use this gift properly." That is an honest prayer, a prayer from the heart, and God never refuses those kinds of requests. Will this stop you from masturbating? Maybe, maybe not, but it does put you in the state of mind where you are being honest with yourself and with God, and that is a crucial first step.

I know you are a guy, and sometimes it can be painful not to masturbate simply because of how you are designed. My fiance gets stomach cramps and nausea if he doesn't ejaculate at least once every few weeks. Try not to beat yourself up too much about it if you do end up falling. I have several guy friends who were able to cut back on their masturbating until their bodies took care of things naturally through wet dreams. If you make a sincere effort to reform your life and strive for purity, God will take care of the rest, perhaps in ways that you don't expect.

If you don't already, start praying a Rosary every day for your future wife. I started this habit when I was 16. A few months later, I met my future husband but didn't know it at the time. That is how powerful prayer is.


Oh, and ONE MORE THING! :D 


You asked some good questions about contraception. I have also struggled with the Church's teaching on this. I would encourage you to actually do some intensive research on contraceptives and how they actually work. Despite what the world and CNN tells you, Female contraceptives are highly toxic and increase the risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer in women by triplicate. Do you really want your dear wife ingesting poison every morning with her coffee (the Pill) or having to stick a cap/stick/corkscrew up her vagina (IUD) or have a patch or copper rod leeching toxins into her arm? And do you really want to have to pause in your lovemaking so you can pull on a condom and then wallow in your own ejaculatory fluid and stagger off to the bathroom after you're finished to dump it in the toilet? Don't mean to be graphic, but that's the truth, and it doesn't sound very romantic to me. And remember, getting "snipped" or having your wife cut her Fallopian tubes is usually permanent. What if you change your mind later and want kids after all? Too late. You'll have to get a hamster instead. :s

The Church does allow you to space and avoid children if need be; Catholics are not called to be rabbits! Anyway, even though I don't completely understand the Church's teaching on contraceptives (and even though I'm a little resentful that old white celibate guys get to tell me what to do in my bedroom LOL) just reading about the side effects of contraception was enough to convince me that I don't want anything to do with any of it.

Keep asking those questions. And if you haven't already...sign up for Catholic match. I have so many friends who have met holy spouses on there, and all of them were virgins too! :D 

You're in my prayers. God bless you.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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#36
(03-18-2018, 04:06 AM)MagisterMusicae Wrote:
(03-16-2018, 08:00 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I can't understand a Church that holds its believers to such impossibly high standards and damns them to hell for the slightest mess-up. What does God expect us to be anyway?

I know of no other religions where a good person who has been living a good life commits ONE bad thing and is instantly on the road to hell regardless of all his past good works and intentions. That just sounds insane...because it is.

I understand you may be frustrated, but there is absolutely zero logic to this.

Firstly the Church doesn't ask the impossible, neither does God. To suggest the latter would be blasphemous, because it would be to directly attack God's Wisdom.

With the help of grace we can avoid all sin, even venial. The fact that we don't (an none of us do) is not because the standard is too high, but because we're in some way unwilling to live up to that standard.

Mortal sin is a two-fold turning. One turns toward a creature as his end, and away from God. The fact that we turn away from God is what causes the loss of God and Sanctifying Grace. Because God has give us the grace to resist (an sufficient grace to do so), it is our fault for turning away, so we are guilty.

God's Mercy is that, knowing our weakness, He is willing to pardon those offenses if we just have contrition for our sins. We are pardoned from the eternal punishment and grace restored to our soul by an act of Perfect Contrition or by Imperfect Contrition plus Confession.

The first thing to do if you fall is make as perfect an act of contrition as you can, because one has such perfect contrition it restores Sanctifying Grace. You still have to confess by the law of the Church before you receive Communion, and that act of perfect contrition includes the resolution to confess as soon as reasonably possible, but it does remove your sin. It is a good thing to make a habit of every night after you examine your conscience.

You also cannot blame God or the Church for where you might not use the remedies provided you. Sure, a hobby alone is not going to fix your problem. You need to pray seriously and often, make sacrifices, remove the occasions of sin. When the temptations come you need to push them away and turn your mind to other things, change your activities right there and then. You need to use the sacramentals of the Church (like Holy Water, scapulars. medals, the cord of St. Joseph, etc.). Unless you have exhausted the use of these things, plus all the natural methods, then you have no one to blame but yourself.

So, fine, you've fallen. Get up, start looking seriously for what you can do to remove the occasions of sin. Load up on the sacramentals. Get some Holy Water and use it often. Make a frequent examination of your conscience, especially at night before bed, when you do this, make a perfect act of contrition for all your sins. Get a schedule settled so you do not have free time to waste, and what free time you have use for good recreations and prayers. Space prayer throughout the day. Make a morning offering. Frequently renew your intentions throughout the day. Frequently recall the presence of God around you. Frequently ask for help to keep chaste. Say the Three Hail Marys (every morning and evening right after getting up and just before going to bed, kneeling on your fingers, say three Hail Marys for purity).

You have plenty of things to do and remedies. Unless you are using every single one perfectly, you can't blame the Church or God, and I am sure you are not, because no one does.

You can't expect grace to do all the work. That's a Protestant idea. It doesn't work that way.

We have to keep getting up, keep trying, use other techniques, put other things into practice. Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!

Thank you, thank you. This post is exactly what I needed. God bless you for speaking the truth.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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#37
I have one question. Someone mentioned making a "perfect act of contrition." Is that not impossible? Don't we all have a little of the fear of hell in us? How can I know if my act of contrition is truly perfect or tainted more by fear of hell over the fear of offending God?

It just seems to me sometimes that Catholicism is a big contest as to who can get to the confessional first before their time is up, and who can stay out of the confessional the longest.

It treats confession almost like a car wash rather than a sacrament.


Not to change the subject but OMGOSH THERE'S A 3 STOOGES EMOJI. MY LIFE IS COMPLETE.

:stooges:
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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#38
(03-19-2018, 11:57 AM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I have one question. Someone mentioned making a "perfect act of contrition." Is that not impossible? Don't we all have a little of the fear of hell in us? How can I know if my act of contrition is truly perfect or tainted more by fear of hell over the fear of offending God?

One motives does not exclude a second motive unless they are not able to be ordered, one to the other.

For example, if I want to go to New York from Los Angeles and also to Denver, I can do both. I can go to NYC via Denver. But if I want to eat a slice of cake, but also have a slice later, I cannot do both, because one excludes the other—I can't have my cake and eat it, too.

Perfect contrition is the hatred of one's sins because they offend God, the resolution to confess as soon as reasonably possible (not immediately), the resolution to try to avoid the occasions of sin and do penance.

That does not preclude also hating your sins because of the fear of the punishment.

One can fear having broken dad's favorite mug playing football in the house both because he told you not to play in the house and is going to be justly offended by your disobedience, but also because you might get a really severe punishment.

So, no, a perfect act of contrition if not impossible, and in fact an imperfect act helps dispose us toward a perfect act. While you can never absolutely be sure that the act is perfect, just like you can never know you are in the state of grace, still you can have a moral certainty in both cases.

It is important though to ask God to give you the grace to make a perfect act of contrition, and also ask Our Lady and your Guardian Angels, who can pray that you receive such a grace and so make a perfect act.
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#39
(03-19-2018, 03:33 AM)Rivers Wrote: I think when you get married, at least 75% of the battle is won.

A while back I spoke with several priests on the matter. Asking those who hears confessions of the married and unmarried (they weren't connecting person with sin, but speaking of general trends) one would find that while marriage is a help, especially because of the Sacramental grace, it is not a sufficient solution in itself. The difficulties in marriages are often the cause of many sins.

For example, an argument means the husband is out sleeping on the couch for several evenings, and the couple isn't speaking to each other, he or she does not have the benefit of marital relations for a while, so because they have no virtue built up, they easily fall.

A friend's wife (a non-Catholic) recently revealed to him that she's been using contraceptive pills for a while without telling him. Because they are abortifacients as well, he cannot have marital relations any longer with his wife, and thus has to struggle with having a woman around with whom he has had regular benefit of relations, sleep in the same bed, but remain continent in the face of all of that. He effectively has to live like a religious but living with a woman, and none of this is his fault.

Virtue and will training are the only things that help in that situation on a natural level, and grace can only work when there is some natural foundation on which to build.

(03-19-2018, 03:33 AM)Rivers Wrote: People pursuing religious life probably aren't in a workplace where 80% of their colleagues are young women. They are also not on college campuses.

But a priest is in a parish, and often teaches in Catholic schools, which means regular contact with young women. Not only that but he hears their confessions and learns the intimate details of their lives, counsels them through difficult times, and that can easily build an attachment.

Again, grace helps here, but it must have a natural foundation.

Further, much of that exposure for the average layman can be avoided by prudent decision about where to live, how to behave, and putting in place the various obstacles to temptation.

We can lament the state of the world, but ultimately the only solution is to become a Saint yourself, which means that virtue and will training. One Saint can do a great deal towards converting those around him, but he may never see the effects of his work in this life.
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#40
(03-19-2018, 11:25 AM)SacraCor714 Wrote: But as some other poster said here, self pity is your greatest enemy here. It will make you distrust God to the point where you will eventually completely turn away from Him. You will start to think "God isn't taking care of my needs, so why should I even bother to have a relationship with Him? Screw God. If He's not going to help me, I'm going to help myself."
Thank you for your kind words. I'll just expand on this quoted part so I don't make a huge post. I never think in the terms of 'God owes me something'. What makes me angry that these people who take what they want when they want it get 0 punishment for their behavior. They simply don't face the consequences of their actions. At one point, when they've had their fill, they say 'I'm so sorry' and go on as if nothing ever happened. And they've had many beautiful experiences that I didn't have, but somehow we're on the same level when it comes to chance of being saved. Let me be clear, I don't really envy them, I just can't stand the double standard. I simply can't understand how me mastrubating is equally bad as fornicating for 20 years. And I can't understand how can I be expected to not mastrubate for my entire life if I don't get married. I personally also never actively sought casual sex because I find it meaningless.
I would like to think that this ordeal of mine will be rewarded but I'm getting closer and closer to 30 and there's been 0 progress. Honestly, I'm not really optimistic.
As for contraception, I don't intend to let my possible wife to use pills, no way. My point was that there is no inherent difference between putting on a condom and having sex during the infertile period because in both cases the intention to avoid pregnancy is there.
Oh, and there's no one from my country on Catholic match, I've tried it before :::) The thing is, I can accept a girl which only had sex in a couple of long term serious relationships, I don't even demand a virgin, I know I'll soon see the Yeti than find a virgin over 20.
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