Jumping In and Out of Hell
#31
(03-19-2018, 01:07 AM)Imperator Caesar Trump Wrote:
(03-18-2018, 11:49 PM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: I mean think about it guys, how would you fare if girls were constantly trying to get you to go just a little further, a little further, and manipulating you with flattery, professions of love, invitations to go on fun trips together, guilt manipulation, threats to end it...  

I actually do have this problem.  When it comes to being relentlessly pursued, there are a few problems from the guy's side that I wonder if women experience.  The first is that women do. not. care. about whether a guy is in a relationship.  The old adage about an unavailable guy being more attractive to women is very true.  The second is that when guys aggressively pursue women, it's usually for sex.  When women aggressively pursue guys, it's for the whole package.  They seem to have this idea that if they can get their "foot in the door" then they can somehow sneak their way into a relationship.  But this comes with so much outright lying about what they want and how they feel that it's ridiculous.  I guess the parallel is men pretending they want more when they just want sex.  

Something I noticed more recently - Girls who are saving themselves will get very physical with you if they believe you are a "safe" guy, i.e., a practicing Christian I guess.  Lots of touching and handsiness and over the top flirtiness.  I can understand where it comes from, but it doesn't leave a lot of outs for me.  There's no way, directly or tacitly, to ask them to knock it off without unintentionally conveying interest on some level.  It's admitting that what they're doing is having an effect on you.  You stop being a "safe" guy, but at the expense of becoming a potential love interest.

I used to really, and I mean REALLY, enjoy female attention.  It's something that has turned bitter to me, and I consider that a grace.  But even though it's been several years since the Lord has gotten me under control in this aspect of my life, I still haven't found a solid protocol for deflection.  I honestly try my best, and it leaves me feeling down and guilty when, despite my best attempts to convey my lack of interest, it turns into "sexually harass Imperator Caesar Trump" time.

There's no one I can talk to about this either, so this post felt really good to type.

If you date a good Catholic girl, the two of you could lay out parameters from the get-go.

Tell her your dilemma and the mixed messages and temptations involved and how you don't want to go down that path.

Tell her that you would like an honest relationship where you can be upfront about your feelings and vision for how you would like things to go.

Too much game-playing and not enough honest communicating today.

It's from what we see in movies and tv.  I loved Audrey Hepburn and the chemistry of the fast-paced boy/girl conversations in the old movies and cuteness of "couple talk" in the new.

But often, it's a really bad example of how to be manipulative and not really communicate at all. :/

This article kind of opened my eyes to that.
https://www.henrymakow.com/2013/06/dogs-...fanys.html


At one point in my life, I was going through so many absolutely unbelievable trials and difficulties that I sought out an FSSP priest who performed a rite of exorcism on me.  The process included a long list of questions and one of them was about a spirit of "coquettishness".  I confessed that yes, I do believe I had acquired this spirit in my teens. In fact, I believe most teen girls are encouraged to develop this devilish trait.  Thank the Lord for revealing this to me and delivering me!

Girls are taught to believe that life is a fashion show and the more men you "turn on" or get attention from the better you are.  The girl with the most points at the end of the evening wins.  And you can still do this kind of flirtation in modest dress.  But I don't think they even realize what they are doing much of the time, it's just habit from conditioning.

If love is wanting what is best for the other, then no potential wife would "sexually harass".  They are only trying to determine the amount of sex appeal they possess.  They've seen too many movies where the guy says, "No," and it's all in good fun for her to advance further still.  It's an exercise in vanity.

Perhaps you could try something like taking her by the hand, looking her straight in the eye and saying, "Please, I really like you, but this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for.  I'd rather have an honest friendship (or relationship depending on your intentions) with you."
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Messages In This Thread
Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:15 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-16-2018, 02:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:41 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:51 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 02:44 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 03:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 03:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 08:00 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 08:32 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-17-2018, 02:12 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-17-2018, 09:21 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 06:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 06:53 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 07:11 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 01:10 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 01:31 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Sacred Heart lover - 03-19-2018, 03:53 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 02:49 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:33 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:51 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 03:29 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Poche - 03-17-2018, 01:09 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by IntoTheMystic - 03-18-2018, 08:22 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-18-2018, 09:40 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:43 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:57 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Ptochos - 03-21-2018, 12:36 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-21-2018, 01:40 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-21-2018, 02:11 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by gracemary5 - 03-23-2018, 12:24 PM



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