Jumping In and Out of Hell
#34
(03-19-2018, 09:31 AM)Imperator Caesar Trump Wrote:
(03-19-2018, 03:53 AM)Sacred Heart lover Wrote: If you date a good Catholic girl, the two of you could lay out parameters from the get-go.

Tell her your dilemma and the mixed messages and temptations involved and how you don't want to go down that path.

Tell her that you would like an honest relationship where you can be upfront about your feelings and vision for how you would like things to go.

Too much game-playing and not enough honest communicating today.

It's from what we see in movies and tv.  I loved Audrey Hepburn and the chemistry of the fast-paced boy/girl conversations in the old movies and cuteness of "couple talk" in the new.

But often, it's a really bad example of how to be manipulative and not really communicate at all. :/

This article kind of opened my eyes to that.
https://www.henrymakow.com/2013/06/dogs-...fanys.html


At one point in my life, I was going through so many absolutely unbelievable trials and difficulties that I sought out an FSSP priest who performed a rite of exorcism on me.  The process included a long list of questions and one of them was about a spirit of "coquettishness".  I confessed that yes, I do believe I had acquired this spirit in my teens. In fact, I believe most teen girls are encouraged to develop this devilish trait.  Thank the Lord for revealing this to me and delivering me!

Girls are taught to believe that life is a fashion show and the more men you "turn on" or get attention from the better you are.  The girl with the most points at the end of the evening wins.  And you can still do this kind of flirtation in modest dress.  But I don't think they even realize what they are doing much of the time, it's just habit from conditioning.

If love is wanting what is best for the other, then no potential wife would "sexually harass".  They are only trying to determine the amount of sex appeal they possess.  They've seen too many movies where the guy says, "No," and it's all in good fun for her to advance further still.  It's an exercise in vanity.

Perhaps you could try something like taking her by the hand, looking her straight in the eye and saying, "Please, I really like you, but this is not the kind of relationship I'm looking for.  I'd rather have an honest friendship (or relationship depending on your intentions) with you."

These days, I am doing OK because I am dating a good Catholic girl thankfully!  Of course, we met when I was discerning the priesthood, so take that for what you will.  Because I work in a female-dominated field, I try to make the fact that I am in a relationship very prominent.  It's hard for me because I really don't like talking about my personal life with others.  Mentioning that I'm religious helps.  I also do not drink at all and make that known - that in itself eliminates so many problems it's unbelievable.  Basically, I go out of my way to seem as "unfun" as possible.  As I said though, the only way that backfires is that it strongly attracts the "saving yourself for marriage" Evangelical types.  

I'm glad you worked things out for yourself!  The problem is that eliminating flirtatious behavior requires being honest with yourself on an extremely deep level.  Like, on a level that requires constant grace.  It's so easy to lie to yourself, and frankly, being a flirt works better the subtler you are.  The other thing too, is that on some level it is OK as long as you're single and looking for a spouse with pure intentions.  I mean, in order to get married you have to date and to date you have to flirt with someone at some point, right?

Oh good!  I'm glad to hear that.

Yes, the religious talk can scare many away.  Before I married, my husband's roommate would always sit next to me and hit on me. I wanted him to go away and future husband to ask me out.  What a fix.  Finally, I just talked about how I enjoyed going to the Blessed Sacrament for holy hour etc.   One night after the both of them walked me to my car, my future husband said to his roommate, "So are you going to ask her out?"  He replied, "I don't know.  I mean, she's more Catholic than you are!" So future husband said, "Well if you don't I will."

Funny thing is, we always felt sorry for roommate and brought him along on our dates! :P

I guess if they are Evangelical you could play up the Catholic angle.  (Although girls always think they can fix you).  Boring is good.

Anyway, the coquettish question was just a random tangent while addressing some serious afflictions from the evil one many years ago.  It made me realize how our culture teaches girls to act that way as if it's a virtue in the same way it teaches men to lust as if it's a virtue. :(

Sure, flirting as in joking around and having fun and complimenting is fine in an open and honest courtship and hopefully continues in marriage.  Manipulative mind games or seduction are not (well, seduction after marriage is good!).  But sometimes for girls, we learn that our value comes from how men respond to us while we act "cute" or whatnot, and it's hard to learn how to just be yourself and not subtly seek attention (especially if you grow up seeing that Dad likes it when girls act that way).  So that word "coquettish" is one that's not used anymore and probably should be.
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Messages In This Thread
Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:15 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-16-2018, 02:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:41 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:51 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 02:44 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 03:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 03:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 08:00 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 08:32 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-17-2018, 02:12 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-17-2018, 09:21 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 06:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 06:53 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 07:11 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 01:10 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 01:31 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Sacred Heart lover - 03-19-2018, 10:10 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 02:49 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:33 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:51 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 03:29 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Poche - 03-17-2018, 01:09 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by IntoTheMystic - 03-18-2018, 08:22 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-18-2018, 09:40 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:43 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:57 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Ptochos - 03-21-2018, 12:36 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-21-2018, 01:40 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-21-2018, 02:11 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by gracemary5 - 03-23-2018, 12:24 PM



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