Jumping In and Out of Hell
#35
Rivers,

I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with masturbation since I was a child. I started puberty when I was 9 and I've dealt with my raging sex hormones ever since. I, too, despaired that I would never find a good Catholic man who was willing to save sex for marriage. I went to a secular college and watched everyone around me hook up and get drunk while I cried alone in my room at night. I justified my masturbation habit because I didn't think I would ever get married and I felt like I deserved to feel at least some sexual pleasure since everybody else was getting some. I am 25 now and I still haven't had sex.

You made an interesting comment about how it doesn't seem to matter if you masturbate or fornicate, because both will send you to hell, only one is nicer. It is true that having sex with somebody, even if it's just a one night stand, has more substance to it than whacking off into a tissue in your bedroom. Solo sex is an oxymoron because masturbation is truly no better than violating yourself. Sex is meant to be shared. That's how God designed it.

I know how rotten you must feel and how impatient you are, and I know how hard it is to wait for something that seems like it may never happen while everybody else around you takes what they want, when they want it. But as some other poster said here, self pity is your greatest enemy here. It will make you distrust God to the point where you will eventually completely turn away from Him. You will start to think "God isn't taking care of my needs, so why should I even bother to have a relationship with Him? Screw God. If He's not going to help me, I'm going to help myself."

Remember that God is your Creator. He made your body and your genitals and all your sexual desires and how your hormones interact with your mind and the rest of your body. He knows and understands what you are going through, and He will give you the grace to step up to the plate of your vocation. If you are called to the religious life or the priesthood, then God will give you the grace to be celibate. If you are called to be married, God will give you the grace to do that as well.

I never thought I would get married. I struggled mightily with my sexual desires and still do. I am engaged now and I will hopefully be married in the next few weeks. I was able, through God's intervention, to find a man who is a good Catholic and is a virgin. But the struggle for purity won't end in marriage. If struggling with impurity is your cross, as it is mine, it is a cross you will carry for the rest of your life. Marriage doesn't lighten the load any. Marriage isn't the cure-all for your problems. I know you know that, though. You sound like a very intelligent guy, and I like the questions you are asking here. It shows you are thinking about your faith. A faith unquestioned is a dead faith. Don't let anyone discourage you from asking the hard things.

It is so, so unbearably hard to trust and wait when it seems like God doesn't give a flying fig about you. But keep in mind, too, that if you want an authentic relationship with God, you can't just like Him when things are going your way and He's giving you everything you want in life. Real relationships don't work that way, not even with God. Jesus isn't just a slot machine for favors! He wants you to love Him for more than what He gives you.

If you think you are called to marriage, a great way to prepare for that is to try to start loving God even when He isn't giving you everything you want. Your wife won't always be able to have sex with you (sickness, travel, the old "honey I have a headache" excuse), but you'll still have to love her even when she isn't fulfilling all your needs. It's the same way with God. If you want to be a good husband, start by loving God better first.

One more thing. Please never, ever forget that your sexual desires are not bad. They are actually very good. God doesn't want you to suppress and squash your very healthy and very good sexual desires. That would be bad for you, and God doesn't want anything bad for us. I know that it seems like without being able to masturbate or have sex that you don't have any other outlets. Something you might want to start implementing in your life is offering up a "prayer of acknowledgement" whenever you feel tempted to masturbate. Rather than try to fight down and squelch the urge, which never works, say in your heart "God, I am having sexual urges right now and I really want to masturbate. I know my sexual drive is a good thing and a gift that you have given me, so please help me to use this gift properly." That is an honest prayer, a prayer from the heart, and God never refuses those kinds of requests. Will this stop you from masturbating? Maybe, maybe not, but it does put you in the state of mind where you are being honest with yourself and with God, and that is a crucial first step.

I know you are a guy, and sometimes it can be painful not to masturbate simply because of how you are designed. My fiance gets stomach cramps and nausea if he doesn't ejaculate at least once every few weeks. Try not to beat yourself up too much about it if you do end up falling. I have several guy friends who were able to cut back on their masturbating until their bodies took care of things naturally through wet dreams. If you make a sincere effort to reform your life and strive for purity, God will take care of the rest, perhaps in ways that you don't expect.

If you don't already, start praying a Rosary every day for your future wife. I started this habit when I was 16. A few months later, I met my future husband but didn't know it at the time. That is how powerful prayer is.


Oh, and ONE MORE THING! :D 


You asked some good questions about contraception. I have also struggled with the Church's teaching on this. I would encourage you to actually do some intensive research on contraceptives and how they actually work. Despite what the world and CNN tells you, Female contraceptives are highly toxic and increase the risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer in women by triplicate. Do you really want your dear wife ingesting poison every morning with her coffee (the Pill) or having to stick a cap/stick/corkscrew up her vagina (IUD) or have a patch or copper rod leeching toxins into her arm? And do you really want to have to pause in your lovemaking so you can pull on a condom and then wallow in your own ejaculatory fluid and stagger off to the bathroom after you're finished to dump it in the toilet? Don't mean to be graphic, but that's the truth, and it doesn't sound very romantic to me. And remember, getting "snipped" or having your wife cut her Fallopian tubes is usually permanent. What if you change your mind later and want kids after all? Too late. You'll have to get a hamster instead. :s

The Church does allow you to space and avoid children if need be; Catholics are not called to be rabbits! Anyway, even though I don't completely understand the Church's teaching on contraceptives (and even though I'm a little resentful that old white celibate guys get to tell me what to do in my bedroom LOL) just reading about the side effects of contraception was enough to convince me that I don't want anything to do with any of it.

Keep asking those questions. And if you haven't already...sign up for Catholic match. I have so many friends who have met holy spouses on there, and all of them were virgins too! :D 

You're in my prayers. God bless you.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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Messages In This Thread
Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:15 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-16-2018, 02:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 02:41 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 02:51 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 02:44 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 03:25 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 03:38 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-16-2018, 08:00 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by FultonFan - 03-16-2018, 08:32 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-17-2018, 02:12 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-17-2018, 09:21 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 06:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 06:53 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 07:11 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-18-2018, 01:10 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-18-2018, 01:31 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 02:49 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:33 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:51 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Galahad3 - 03-16-2018, 03:29 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Poche - 03-17-2018, 01:09 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by IntoTheMystic - 03-18-2018, 08:22 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-18-2018, 09:40 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:25 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Rivers - 03-19-2018, 03:43 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by SacraCor714 - 03-19-2018, 11:57 AM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by Ptochos - 03-21-2018, 12:36 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by GangGreen - 03-21-2018, 01:40 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by BC - 03-21-2018, 02:11 PM
RE: Jumping In and Out of Hell - by gracemary5 - 03-23-2018, 12:24 PM



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