Is it wrong or immoral that I am relieved at my brother's death?
#1
My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
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#2
Is it possible that you are relieved from having to deal with the roller coaster of emotions from a family member that suffers from addiction and the associated anxieties yet still sorry he has passed?
"There are in truth three states of the converted: the beginning,  the middle and the perfection. In the beginning, they experience the charms of sweetness; in the middle, the contests of temptation; and in the end, the fullness of perfection."
-- Pope St. Gregory

Cor Jesu Eucharistic Miserere Nobis 

Salus animarum suprema lex
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#3
(04-16-2018, 05:24 AM)CaptCrunch73 Wrote: Is it possible that you are relieved from having to deal with the roller coaster of emotions from a family member that suffers from addiction and the associated anxieties yet still sorry he has passed?

Absolutely yes.
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
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#4
(04-16-2018, 09:21 AM)BrianW99 Wrote:
(04-16-2018, 05:24 AM)CaptCrunch73 Wrote: Is it possible that you are relieved from having to deal with the roller coaster of emotions from a family member that suffers from addiction and the associated anxieties yet still sorry he has passed?

Absolutely yes.

I am sorry for your loss and may your brother rest in peace.

I also deal with family members that struggle with addiction, while unable to fully understand your feelings because my family members are still alive I can understand the anxiety in dealing with the situation.
"There are in truth three states of the converted: the beginning,  the middle and the perfection. In the beginning, they experience the charms of sweetness; in the middle, the contests of temptation; and in the end, the fullness of perfection."
-- Pope St. Gregory

Cor Jesu Eucharistic Miserere Nobis 

Salus animarum suprema lex
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#5
as they say feelings are not wrong or right. You can't help how you feel. I feel guilty because i tell myself i don't care if X family member dies

I am sure I will feel any number of things when the person does die but God knows.. In any case, it is not my fault the person doesn't act right so---

anyway, a person should only feel guilty if s/he didn't pray for that person while alive
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#6
(04-16-2018, 12:39 AM)BrianW99 Wrote: My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!

Lord, grant rest to the soul of your departed servant Pat, and give peace to his family.

I think it is completely normal to have conflicted feelings about such things. Relief is not a bad feeling; it is a completely legitimate feeling. Your family was probably gut-punched time and again by his addiction; it is normal to be relieved that this is in the past. Nor is it even a selfish feeling. If relief were the only emotion you felt, that might be a problem. But even then, emotions don't all come at once – you might feel differently day to day, or you may not. If you can't shake the guilt for feeling relief, I recommend talking to a priest or maybe a counselor – it's generally not healthy to keep carrying the burdens of the departed. The task now is to pray for him, that God grant him the peace he could not find in this life.
O unashamed intercessor of Christians, ever loyal advocate before the Creator, do not disregard the prayerful voice of sinners but in your goodness hasten to assist us who trustfully cry out to you: Intercede always, O Mother of God, in behalf of those who honor you!
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#7
(04-19-2018, 07:49 PM)aquinas138 Wrote:
(04-16-2018, 12:39 AM)BrianW99 Wrote: My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!

Lord, grant rest to the soul of your departed servant Pat, and give peace to his family.

I think it is completely normal to have conflicted feelings about such things. Relief is not a bad feeling; it is a completely legitimate feeling. Your family was probably gut-punched time and again by his addiction; it is normal to be relieved that this is in the past. Nor is it even a selfish feeling. If relief were the only emotion you felt, that might be a problem. But even then, emotions don't all come at once – you might feel differently day to day, or you may not. If you can't shake the guilt for feeling relief, I recommend talking to a priest or maybe a counselor – it's generally not healthy to keep carrying the burdens of the departed. The task now is to pray for him, that God grant him the peace he could not find in this life.

 i TEND to agree but the thought occurs to me that the guy could be in Hell so---maybe the guilt is not entirely invalid?

I don't know. I sometimes wonder if I keep silent too often--when i should say uncomfortable things.. or what people take as uncomfortable... since the soul's eternal destiny is more important than...  getting along and be "nice" and keeping the peace and etc
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#8
(04-20-2018, 04:37 PM)gracemary5 Wrote:
(04-19-2018, 07:49 PM)aquinas138 Wrote:
(04-16-2018, 12:39 AM)BrianW99 Wrote: My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!

Lord, grant rest to the soul of your departed servant Pat, and give peace to his family.

I think it is completely normal to have conflicted feelings about such things. Relief is not a bad feeling; it is a completely legitimate feeling. Your family was probably gut-punched time and again by his addiction; it is normal to be relieved that this is in the past. Nor is it even a selfish feeling. If relief were the only emotion you felt, that might be a problem. But even then, emotions don't all come at once – you might feel differently day to day, or you may not. If you can't shake the guilt for feeling relief, I recommend talking to a priest or maybe a counselor – it's generally not healthy to keep carrying the burdens of the departed. The task now is to pray for him, that God grant him the peace he could not find in this life.

 i TEND to agree but the thought occurs to me that the guy could be in Hell so---maybe the guilt is not entirely invalid?

I don't know. I sometimes wonder if I keep silent too often--when i should say uncomfortable things.. or what people take as uncomfortable... since the soul's eternal destiny is more important than...  getting along and be "nice" and keeping the peace and etc


He was Catholic and prayed often. I'm confident (as is my confessor) that he's probably saved.
“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
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#9
(04-20-2018, 06:12 PM)BrianW99 Wrote:
(04-20-2018, 04:37 PM)gracemary5 Wrote:
(04-19-2018, 07:49 PM)aquinas138 Wrote:
(04-16-2018, 12:39 AM)BrianW99 Wrote: My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!

Lord, grant rest to the soul of your departed servant Pat, and give peace to his family.

I think it is completely normal to have conflicted feelings about such things. Relief is not a bad feeling; it is a completely legitimate feeling. Your family was probably gut-punched time and again by his addiction; it is normal to be relieved that this is in the past. Nor is it even a selfish feeling. If relief were the only emotion you felt, that might be a problem. But even then, emotions don't all come at once – you might feel differently day to day, or you may not. If you can't shake the guilt for feeling relief, I recommend talking to a priest or maybe a counselor – it's generally not healthy to keep carrying the burdens of the departed. The task now is to pray for him, that God grant him the peace he could not find in this life.

 i TEND to agree but the thought occurs to me that the guy could be in Hell so---maybe the guilt is not entirely invalid?

I don't know. I sometimes wonder if I keep silent too often--when i should say uncomfortable things.. or what people take as uncomfortable... since the soul's eternal destiny is more important than...  getting along and be "nice" and keeping the peace and etc


He was Catholic and prayed often. I'm confident (as is my confessor) that he's probably saved.

Trust that God took your brother at the right time--before things got even worse--and pray for him like a champion and don't feel guilty. He's prolly in purgatory. Life is hard enough without putting that sort of guilt on yourself.
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#10
(04-20-2018, 06:12 PM)BrianW99 Wrote:
(04-20-2018, 04:37 PM)gracemary5 Wrote:
(04-19-2018, 07:49 PM)aquinas138 Wrote:
(04-16-2018, 12:39 AM)BrianW99 Wrote: My brother died in July at age 41. His name was Pat (please pray for his soul.) He prayed a lot so I'm hopeful he made it to Heaven.

He was addicted to drugs and alcohol for 20 years and was in CONSTANT trouble. He almost died many times over the years from overdoses and accidents. 

Last July, he dropped dead from a drug overdose in the hallway of his apartment building. 

I feel relived that he is gone but guilty that I feel this way. 

Can anyone give me advice?

Thank you!

Lord, grant rest to the soul of your departed servant Pat, and give peace to his family.

I think it is completely normal to have conflicted feelings about such things. Relief is not a bad feeling; it is a completely legitimate feeling. Your family was probably gut-punched time and again by his addiction; it is normal to be relieved that this is in the past. Nor is it even a selfish feeling. If relief were the only emotion you felt, that might be a problem. But even then, emotions don't all come at once – you might feel differently day to day, or you may not. If you can't shake the guilt for feeling relief, I recommend talking to a priest or maybe a counselor – it's generally not healthy to keep carrying the burdens of the departed. The task now is to pray for him, that God grant him the peace he could not find in this life.

 i TEND to agree but the thought occurs to me that the guy could be in Hell so---maybe the guilt is not entirely invalid?

I don't know. I sometimes wonder if I keep silent too often--when i should say uncomfortable things.. or what people take as uncomfortable... since the soul's eternal destiny is more important than...  getting along and be "nice" and keeping the peace and etc


He was Catholic and prayed often. I'm confident (as is my confessor) that he's probably saved.

well, only God knows where he is. Not knowing is always the worst part of anything but anyway, I am glad he was able to pray in the midst of his addiction or whatever you may call it. Praying while sinning or doing questionable things is far, far bettr than NOT of course... and praying will make you give up addictions whereas a lot of recovery programs that don't involve prayer are likely to fail
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