Depressed
#1
I would appreciate any prayers for me as the past few weeks I have been having some bad depression.

Discerning a vocation feels like a waste of time for me, especially marriage. Men I have talked to are either A) not interested in me or marriage at all, or B) are interested in marriage but have super high expectations.

Choice B) really makes me feel like more of a failure than choice A), simply because I am not a stereotypical example of femininity; I don't dress as a stereotypical "traditional" woman; and can't do all the things a stereotypical 1950s woman can do (cook, clean, etc.). I am also very average when it comes to the "looks" department, and I realize physical attraction is one aspect that can't be ignored.

I guess I'm tired of people viewing me as a checklist of things or qualities I am supposed to currently have. Makes me feel dehumanized. It's no wonder I stopped discerning marriage several years ago and now I'm starting to wonder if I made the same mistake again.


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#2
Sequentia,
I'm adding you to my Rosary intentions.
Eternal Father, I offer Thee the most precious blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the Masses said Throughout the world today, for all the holy souls in Purgatory. Amen.
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#3
I'm sorry that you're facing this!  I share your sentiments.  People (of both genders) seem to lose sight in discernment that the other person is a person, rather than just a gender or a list of traits to compare against.

In other words, I think the common practice of seeing a person and trying to discern with her purely because she's there, she's female, and she's single, without knowing anything more about her than that -- and if that option doesn't work out, then may she and her friendship be anathema -- is terrible, as it totally devalues the person and sees her only instead as a potential end to a personal desire.  And similarly the other way around, to refuse to give a friendly guy the time of day because there's a chance he might perhaps want to discern with you and you're uninterested in such, despite him having indicated nothing to that effect besides being friendly, is similarly dehumanising.

I'm convinced the best process is to first get to know a person as a human being, to befriend him or her and grow to know and value each other, without any active, specific thoughts towards discernment -- for truly, how could you give real thought to it before you know the person? -- and then once you know each other well, perhaps to consider it if you feel they would be a good person to discern with, and of course bringing the entire thing to prayer.  All of this, of course, being without any regard to physical appearance, as it tells you nothing at all about what who the person is, and thus shouldn't be a primary, driving force in proper discernment.  Physical beauty should only serve to compliment inner beauty, but by itself should carry no weight.
"There are not over a hundred people in the United States who hate the Catholic Church. There are millions, however, who hate what they wrongly believe to be the Catholic Church -- which is, of course, quite a different thing." -Ven. Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen

"Let me repeat this sentence. It is impossible in human language to exaggerate the importance of being in a chapel or church before the Blessed Sacrament as often and for as long as our duties and state of life allow. That sentence is the talisman of the highest sanctity." -Fr. John Hardon, S.J.
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