I have a problem with the subdeaconess...
#1
I am about to be received into the Ukrainian Catholic Church but I go to a Melkite Church for Vespers and the subdeaconess (honorary title from her being married to the subdeacon) really gets on my nerves. Our Ukrainian Catholic parish doesn't have a full time priest and so I go to the Melkite parish for Vespers and some holy days in which we do not have a priest for.

At first, I didn't really have a rational reason (and maybe I still don't). I've asked her husband if she would leave me alone but she still violates my space often times walking directly in my vicinity during either a divine liturgy or vespers.

I feel she is nosy (asking me "what do you do?" when we first met--who asks thatHuh?), ignores me (when I first came to that parish, I sat in the knave wondering when Vespers would start (found out it was the only day of the year their calendar was wrong) and she was playing with her daughter and didn't even bother to greet me--excuses given by others was that "she's shy and there was a lot of people at the Middle-Eastern food festival!"...Huh?), violates my space (walks toward me during Vespers and liturgy, etc., totally oblivious), and misunderstands what I say (when the subdeacon suggested I should talk to her, I made a point to say "bye" to her on my way out and she thought I said "hi" and when I parroted what the subdeacon told me, she started inquiring about what).

Maybe I just have unrealistic expectations but I feel that the subdeaconess either just has bad social cues or just doesn't understand. Either way, I don't mix well with her and I don't really know how to deal with her because I was hoping she would give me space, but it seems she is back to ignoring me...violating my space as a result.

Everyone else at the church has a very well established relationship with her and when I try to address that the subdeaconess makes me feel uncomfortable, they tend to side with her and claim how wonderful a lady she is and that I don't have a good reason not to like her (maybe I don't but that doesn't change simple fact).

I have high functioning autism and so it may also be that the subdeaconess's personality does not mix well with my expectations of how people should act around others (high functioning autistic people not always understanding social cues themselves).

Any way, help with how to deal with her would be appreciated.
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#2
Say a prayer for her every day! Smile
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#3
(06-08-2019, 09:53 PM)TruthWhichIsChrist Wrote: Say a prayer for her every day! Smile

I've been doing that for the past three months...has not helped... Huh
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#4
I have similar issues with some people.  If it is simply an annoyance, I try to bear it as other people bear it when I annoy them.  If it is mortal sin, then I object.
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#5
There are things you can do on a "practical" or secular level, like, next time you see her, look her in the eye and say "hello, how are you". If she seems to act oddly, say "maybe we got off on the wrong foot, I'm sorry if I'm the cause of that, but since I'd like to be involved in this parish, I want to get along with everyone here" or something like that.

She might still treat you in a way you don't like or understand. And you should certainly say something. For instance, if she says there is no problem between the two of you but she violates your personal space again, gently say something. "Excuse me, I feel uncomfortable when you do that".

She might have no idea how she comes off to you. People can often be oblivious, myself included. Especially when I'm distracted by children.

On a spiritual level, we are to bear the faults of those around us. So even if you're never on good terms with her, you can still bear her faults. By this I mean, be polite and kind. St Therese would find the most unlikable nun at her convent and do her bidding. I'm not saying you need to go that far, you're not a monastic. But the idea is that you grow in humility and patience by doing things you don't like to do, talking to people you don't want to talk to, etc.
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