No birth control is really hard if you're poor.
#1
My wife just gave birth in February we couldn’t be happier. My baby is the most handsome kid in the world and I’m not at all bias. But the problem is I still don’t have a good job. We can’t use NFP because she is highly irregular. Sometimes 1 month between periods sometimes 3. So I guess since we can’t afford another child right now we have to abstain until I find another job. Otherwise we will go to hell for the mortal sin of condoms.

But I don’t think long term abstinence is good for our marriage. We really get along better when we are close.

I’m very tempted to say to hell with it and use condoms anyways. As an aside I would never advise my wife to use the pill because that can abort a baby.
Reply
#2
(07-09-2019, 09:43 AM)Brogan2 Wrote: My wife just gave birth in February we couldn’t be happier. My baby is the most handsome kid in the world and I’m not at all bias. But the problem is I still don’t have a good job. We can’t use NFP because she is highly irregular. Sometimes 1 month between periods sometimes 3. So I guess since we can’t afford another child right now we have to abstain until I find another job. Otherwise we will go to hell for the mortal sin of condoms.

But I don’t think long term abstinence is good for our marriage. We really get along better when we are close.

I’m very tempted to say to hell with it and use condoms anyways. As an aside I would never advise my wife to use the pill because that can abort a baby.

There is typically an agenisic period while a woman is breast feeding that can last up to a year.  You should check into that.

If you’re truly considering condoms as an out, I would wonder if you believe in the fires of hell. I know temptation is not the same as consideration. Just saying.
[-] The following 1 user Likes yablabo's post:
  • MagisterMusicae
Reply
#3
I have been in similar circumstances in the past, including the irregularity. It is very hard; the best I can say is make sure you say your daily rosary, frequent the Sacraments, and do talk to a trustworthy priest about your struggles. Be completely open with him about your temptations, nothing will surprise him.

Prayers.
Filioli mei, non diligamus verbo neque lingua, sed opere et veritate.

Vos omnes amatores pulcherrimae linguae ecclesiae nostrae, videte filum quo de rebus sanctis profanisque colloqui possumus.
[-] The following 1 user Likes Filiolus's post:
  • Brogan2
Reply
#4
(07-09-2019, 10:32 AM)yablabo Wrote:
(07-09-2019, 09:43 AM)Brogan2 Wrote: My wife just gave birth in February we couldn’t be happier. My baby is the most handsome kid in the world and I’m not at all bias. But the problem is I still don’t have a good job. We can’t use NFP because she is highly irregular. Sometimes 1 month between periods sometimes 3. So I guess since we can’t afford another child right now we have to abstain until I find another job. Otherwise we will go to hell for the mortal sin of condoms.

But I don’t think long term abstinence is good for our marriage. We really get along better when we are close.

I’m very tempted to say to hell with it and use condoms anyways. As an aside I would never advise my wife to use the pill because that can abort a baby.

There is typically an agenisic period while a woman is breast feeding that can last up to a year.  You should check into that.

If you’re truly considering condoms as an out, I would wonder if you believe in the fires of hell.

This is really not the best way to approach it.
Filioli mei, non diligamus verbo neque lingua, sed opere et veritate.

Vos omnes amatores pulcherrimae linguae ecclesiae nostrae, videte filum quo de rebus sanctis profanisque colloqui possumus.
Reply
#5
Well, you have to choose: are you going to walk after the flesh or the Spirit?
If you use condoms to have “sex” with your wife, you’re essentially using your wife to masturbate.
Do not use contraception of any kind. It’s gravely sinful. This is a salvation issue.
Do not do it. 
I repeat, do not do it, no matter how much you’re tempted. 
Don’t listen to the tempter, whether it’s your own mind and flesh, or something diabolical.

You can be physically affectionate with your wife without having sex.
You need to learn to keep custody of your mind. When thoughts of this nature enter your mind, turn to God to help you.
Sex is not there for entertainment. Sex in itself is NOT love.
If you’re going to engage in the conjugal act, and do it truly out of love for each other’s body and soul, you need to make sure that God is still the end in mind. You can’t seek to engage in the act and cut God out of the loop. Your genitals have been given to you for incredible ability to being forth new life.
[-] The following 4 users Like FultonFan's post:
  • Augustinian, MagisterMusicae, MiserereMeiDeus, St.Eliza
Reply
#6
(07-09-2019, 10:51 AM)FultonFan Wrote: Well, you have to choose: are you going to walk after the flesh or the Spirit?
If you use condoms to have “sex” with your wife, you’re essentially using your wife to masturbate.
Do not use contraception of any kind. It’s gravely sinful. This is a salvation issue.
Do not do it. 
I repeat, do not do it, no matter how much you’re tempted. 
Don’t listen to the tempter, whether it’s your own mind and flesh, or something diabolical.

You can be physically affectionate with your wife without having sex.
You need to learn to keep custody of your mind. When thoughts of this nature enter your mind, turn to God to help you.
Sex is not there for entertainment. Sex in itself is NOT love.
If you’re going to engage in the conjugal act, and do it truly out of love for each other’s body and soul, you need to make sure that God is still the end in mind. You can’t seek to engage in the act and cut God out of the loop. Your genitals have been given to you for incredible ability to being forth new life.

The primary purpose of marriage is to beget and educate children.  The secondaries are mutual aid and comfort, and the relief of concupiscence.  There’s nothing disordered about having lots of sex in marriage.
Reply
#7
(07-09-2019, 10:32 AM)yablabo Wrote: There is typically an agenisic period while a woman is breast feeding that can last up to a year.  You should check into that.

This is quite true. For my wife, it's closer to 18 months. I believe our NFP instructors went into a bit of detail on irregular cycles, and in particular after pregnancy and birth. May consider checking with the parish's NFP couple.
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
Reply
#8
For women whose cycles are truly irregular, my experience is that NFP instructors are entirely unable to help. It's generally due to some hormone imbalance that a good napro physician can identify and help to treat. Such treatments are the reason my wife was able to carry to term. But what you two have said is of course true, breastfeeding disrupts things.
Filioli mei, non diligamus verbo neque lingua, sed opere et veritate.

Vos omnes amatores pulcherrimae linguae ecclesiae nostrae, videte filum quo de rebus sanctis profanisque colloqui possumus.
[-] The following 1 user Likes Filiolus's post:
  • yablabo
Reply
#9
(07-09-2019, 11:15 AM)Filiolus Wrote: For women whose cycles are truly irregular, my experience is that NFP instructors are entirely unable to help. It's generally due to some hormone imbalance that a good napro physician can identify and help to treat. Such treatments are the reason my wife was able to carry to term. But what you two have said is of course true, breastfeeding disrupts things.

As a tangent to your comment: Just in general, NFP is disordered at least as it’s presented in my local parish as “catholic birth control.”  If a person is looking to limit births as his/her primary purpose for using NFP rather than to gain time to better his/her circumstances to live a fecund marriage, something’s gone astray.  Marriage is all tied up in the concept of generosity, both of body and of spirit.
Reply
#10
I highly recommend (1) learning NFP regardless and compiling your wife's charts and (2) seeing a good Catholic doctor on the subject of her irregularities.  The charting may not be perfect and you may not be able to see clear patterns, but it will reveal a lot about your wife's hormones and cycle.  This will help to troubleshoot irregularity and thus work toward a point where abstinencence isn't the only option.  Frankly, with a new baby, I'm surprised you have time and energy for sex.  I know we were so tired that it wasn't as much of an impulse.  Cuddling, however, was a necessity.  As others have recommended, work on nonsexual intimacy.  It really is important.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
[-] The following 1 user Likes Fontevrault's post:
  • divinesilence80
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)