Wounded husband - need advice
#1
Dear Men Folk of the Tank,

My husband is seriously wounded by some drama with his parents, especially his mother.  He is almost paralized by the pain of the situation and feelings of inadequacy that stem from it.  It is boiling over in all kinds of weird ways.  Today he seems to be emotionally volatile and is behaving as if everything is an attack.  For example, I gave the kids some chores this morning and he yelled me that I had given my eldest son the hardest job and set him up to fail with extreme expectations.  When my son did the job and did it well (because he has done it before and I knew he could), my husband seemed upset by it.  

So, here's my question.  How can I help my husband through this?  I don't want to wound him further.  I don't want to put more strain on him when he is quite obviously feeling so much.  But, I'm a woman and what I see as loving and helpful might be an attack to a man already feeling inadequate.  Do I just give him space and let him deal?

Thank you for any advice you can offer.  Also, please pray for him (Pilgrim was his name here).  He is such a good man and trying so hard to sort through major issues.

Fontevrault
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
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#2
Clearly, I am not a man.
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But I watched my husband go thru trauma from his relationship with his parents.  It affected almost every decision he made as an adult, sometimes trying to be like his parents and sometimes to be the opposite, but always emotional turmoil.  As a young man he moved, literally, across the country to get away from his family, drinking, drugs, never went back.  Then they moved to us, worked for us (he couldn't let his mother suffer or go without health insurance, so...)
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I was not able to help him,  I tried but it took more than I knew how to do.
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I suggested counseling to my late husband, as did others, and he refused  I strongly suggest professional counseling because this will get messy working thru things and he will probably not want to hurt you in the process.  A stranger makes it safer.  For me, counseling is not a sign of weakness, rather, it is an express lane for fixing specific problems.
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#3
While the link is about fatherhood, this article talks a good deal about the stubborn-willed mother at the beginning:
http://www.chastitysf.com/father.htm

Many people will deny they have hidden resentment towards their parents. The problem with that is that it’s very difficult to be truly charitable when your heart and will are impeded by passive aggression.  Eventually things can just explode in a real bad way.

And while this link is about OCD, it offers helpful advice on dealing with emotional wounds in a Catholic manner. The problem with OCD and similar issues is that people are usually so lacking self awareness that they don’t even realize they have pride and bad will towards people.

http://www.chastitysf.com/ocd.htm

As for some real good spiritual reading to help this, “Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence” should be very helpful.
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#4
Pray Pray Pray Prayers for you
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#5
Wow!  FultonFan, that's amazing and really accurate reading!  Thank you!

Thank you Ambrosiano for your prayers! We need them.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
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#6
(08-14-2019, 04:37 PM)Fontevrault Wrote: Wow!  FultonFan, that's amazing and really accurate reading!  Thank you!

Thank you Ambrosiano for your prayers! We need them.

You’re welcome!
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#7
I haven't got any silver bullet solutions, but you guys are in my prayers. Sometimes the best we can do is take it to the cross and hope for the best. Parent issues aren't easy to fix.
Local anti-feminist.....if you think women deserve special treatment without any accountability for their actions expect to hear from me!
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