Married and homesick
#1
Hey all, I’ve been married about 5 months. My husband and I both grew up in the Midwest and lived there until we moved to Texas right after we got married. His family is pretty dysfunctional so I think he’s glad to be away from them, but he’s also the strong silent type who never complains, so if he does miss them, he would never say so. 

I, on the other hand, am starting to become progressively more homesick and miserable.  I have one sister and my two parents  are starting to get up in the years, and now they all live so far away that I can only see them after enduring a long plane ride and saving up hundreds of dollars, which we don’t have just lying around. I don’t even think will be able to go home for the holidays this year. 

 We moved to Texas because my husband is a horse trainer, and Texas is the best environment to train horses in and get clients.  We are currently boarding at a state of the art facility that is quickly becoming one of the best horse barns in the south.  In order for my husband to thrive as a horse trainer, it only makes sense that we stay at this facility for as long as we possibly can. The horse business is a constantly fluctuating gig;  One month you could be doing great in the next month you are down to the wire.  You also need to have lots of money  or else hobnob with people who do.  Long story short, if we were to ever move back to the Midwest and take over my parents old farm, it would take us literally close to half a million to build a proper facility that could withstand the Midwest winters and still provide a halfway decent place for us to train and board the caliber of horses we are dealing with. 

 So, to summarize, it looks like we are going to be stuck in Texas for a very long time. I am trying to be patient with myself and make the most of things, but it is very difficult for me because I am so homesick and I miss the Midwest and my small town so much. We live about an hour north of Houston in a suburb, and this kind of life is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Frankly, I hate it. It is excruciatingly hot here, people drive like maniacs,  and there is no nature or wide open spaces.  But worst of all, I miss my family. The nature of my husband’s work requires us to put in extremely long hours at the barn every day,  so we haven’t been able to forge any friendships. It is just the two of us here. 

 I haven’t spoken to my husband about this, because he has so much on his plate right now and I don’t want to worry him. I hope this is just a phase that I am going through, but when I think about being stuck here in Texas for the next 10 to 25 years it makes me utterly sick.


St. Mary of Egypt, Ora Pro Nobis!







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#2
I see where you're coming from, with not wanting to worry your husband, but at some point you'll have to let him know what's on your mind.  Trust me on this one, but holding bitter feelings in for too long out of concern for one's spouse.  It'll fester and manifest itself in other, unpleasant ways.

My wife and I did something similar after we got married, moving from the east coast to Oklahoma.  It was a culture shock for her, moving from near DC to OK, and rather rough at times.  At the risk of sounding crass, home may have to be where you make it.  Getting involved with our parish really was a blessing for us both; K of C, women's prayer groups, Catholic mom's groups, that sort of thing.  Even 1 or 2 hours out with other like-valued people once a week was a big help.  Socializing, if you will.

Something that helped us both with the homesick feeling was finding stuff to do at least once a week as a couple.  Hikes and visits to museums or bars, I mean restaurants, in OKC worked wonders.  We were both kinda homesick when we arrived in Oklahoma, but almost 20 years later and having moved back east, we still have some great memories from national and state forests and some great bbq in what we thought would truly suck.  At times, we've considered moving back to OK.  I'm sure there's something for y'all to do together not too far away.

Without prying, would it be possible for family to visit you?  Newly married couples generally don't have a lot of cash for travel, at least I didn't, lol.  Seriously, having family come visit gave us all a chance to break up the routine, and show relatives around. 

Quote:It is excruciatingly hot here,

Yep, but wait until January/February.

Quote:people drive like maniacs,

Please come visit us near DC, to see truly maniacal driving.  Or Philly.  Driving near Philadelphia was bat poop crazy.

Quote:and there is no nature or wide open spaces

I can relate, as I'd go crazy without access to nature.  When we first moved here, I had to really search to find places to get out and fish, hunt, and forage.  Places are out there.  Are there any National or State Parks/Forests within reasonable driving distance?
-sent by howitzer via the breech.

God's love is manifest in the landscape as in a face.  - John Muir

I want creation to penetrate you with so much admiration that wherever you go, the least plant may bring you clear remembrance of the Creator.  A single plant, a blade of grass, or one speck of dust is sufficient to occupy all your intelligence in beholding the art with which it has been made  - Saint Basil

Heaven is under our feet, as well as over our heads. - Thoreau, Walden
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#3
(09-13-2019, 09:23 AM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I, on the other hand, am starting to become progressively more homesick and miserable.  I have one sister and my two parents  are starting to get up in the years, and now they all live so far away that I can only see them after enduring a long plane ride and saving up hundreds of dollars, which we don’t have just lying around. I don’t even think will be able to go home for the holidays this year.

Is there any chance they might be able to visit you?  Or maybe just your sister?  I prefer air travel.  Quicker, safer, and more comfortable.  I also recommend that one book flights during the week (Monday to Thursday) during off-seasons (i.e., not the spring or summer, or holidays like Christmas) as the flights tend to be much cheaper.  For example, I went on to Orbitz just now and looked for what a round trip flight from Chicago to Los Angeles would cost if I went on Tuesday, October 1, and returned on Tuesday, October 8 of this year.  I found multiple flights under $150 from several different airlines.  Of course, I also don't have hundreds of dollars lying around, but maybe you could save $20 here, $10 there, and have a few hundred saved up in a few months?  You might not be able to visit your parents during the holidays this year, but you might be able to book a trip in January.  Of course, you might not be able to do even that, and if so, I feel for you.

Quote: So, to summarize, it looks like we are going to be stuck in Texas for a very long time. I am trying to be patient with myself and make the most of things, but it is very difficult for me because I am so homesick and I miss the Midwest and my small town so much. We live about an hour north of Houston in a suburb, and this kind of life is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Frankly, I hate it. It is excruciatingly hot here, people drive like maniacs,  and there is no nature or wide open spaces.  But worst of all, I miss my family. The nature of my husband’s work requires us to put in extremely long hours at the barn every day,  so we haven’t been able to forge any friendships. It is just the two of us here. 

 I haven’t spoken to my husband about this, because he has so much on his plate right now and I don’t want to worry him. I hope this is just a phase that I am going through, but when I think about being stuck here in Texas for the next 10 to 25 years it makes me utterly sick.

I'm sure your husband doesn't want you to be miserable, so talking to him about this, expressing your concerns, would be very helpful for both of you.  I don't know much about the horse industry, but will it allow you to be in a better financial situation in a few years?  Enough that you can visit your family and take some vacations?  If so, while you might be living in Texas for the foreseeable future, it won't be a prison from which you never leave.  And, hopefully, you'll soon be in a position where you both don't have to work long hours every day.  That will certainly result in burnout.
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#4
SacraCor : it's always something, isn't it? I understand where you're coming from because I have my own set of challenges....It's stressful being around people with big bucks sometimes, especially if you feel like you've got to keep up for the sake of the business... And I'm sorry you're homesick, especially with a baby on the way. Do I have that right? Can your mom come visit once the baby arrives? 

Remember that God has you there for a reason. This world isn't our home; hopefully heaven is our home and we're going to leave this world one day soon for the next. Until then the opportunity for grace is right there in Texas. I'll say some Ave's for you.  Heart

Just curious...How is it there's no wide open spaces in Texas on a horse farm?  Huh
"Not only are we all in the same boat, but we are all seasick.” --G.K. Chesterton
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#5
I was born up north, grew up in Northern Illinois.  It was quite a transition moving down South.
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I like the weather up North better, I like the people down South better.
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I was also miserable first being married and feeling all alone, in a strange new place (out in the middle of nowhere, Kentucky).  I would call my grandmother and complain.  She would listen, sweetest woman in the world, but one day she told me 'you can be happy wherever you decide to be happy.  make a little garden'.  I made a little garden, it was terrible and spindly, but I didn't kill it.  It helped because it was progress towards accepting that I was someplace new far away from grandma.  It is not unusual to be homesick and want friendly faces when you are pregnant - having a baby can feel overwhelming sometimes.
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You have to try to meet new people.  Join a Bible study group at Church.  Volunteer at Room At the Inn once a week, they have several "positions" and some only take an hour or so a week.  Does Church has a mothers group?  A knitting group?  A Marian group?  The point is, start small with meeting new people.  Start to learn Texas Spanish.
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Yes, traffic in the big city is rough.  Nashville interstates are sometimes referred to as Nascar Nashville- in fact, there was a song written about it but they abruptly quit playing the song, hmm....  Texas is not green in the late summer and fall, but I bet it gets pretty in winter and spring. It is quite an adjustment, tho, going from snow, sledding and skating to, well, alternating dust and mud.
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Find a restaurant that you like.  Eat cheap, but go out once a week.  Doesn't have to be Texas BBQ, they will have everything there so experiment with new foods.  Try new coffee shops.  Buy a bottle of water at different convenience stores.  Drive around and learn the roads, see what is out there.    If there is a fair or festival, go to that.  Make sure you go to the county fair.  Find out why people love to live there, and go do that  - it isn't all about spending money.
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Texas is where the money is.  It does no good to go back home and be broke.  And, frankly, back home is the family dysfunction you wanted to get away from.  Write down one good thing about your new life, every day.  It can be a pretty bird on a fencepost, it can be someone said hello, just find one good thing every day.
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It takes time, lots of time.
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