Concerns about Catholicism
#5
What you're going through is what probably every person here has experienced.  I could have written your exact post a few years ago, word for word.  The incessant back and forth and restlessness you are feeling has to do with the fact that you are treating movements of the heart, soul, and feelings as intellectual problems.  You cannot do that.  You are displacing your true dilemma into a realm that will allow you to spin your wheels eternally.  Catholicism is a highly rational, intellectual religion, and I like that quite a bit.  But don't for a second think that religion is a movement of the mind.  You will not find a place of peace by hearing a well-wrought theological argument for where to go to church.  That's where the back and forth from Orthodox to SSPX to N.O. comes from.  No one on the planet, regardless of what they say, decides to go to church because they heard a great argument.  If that were the case, the entire world would be a heterogeneous mixture of religions as each person individually assented to a particular creed.  Instead, in real life people go to the church that their family and friends go to, and make such decisions based on complex sociological patterns.  If you were born in Greece there is a 99.9% chance you would be Greek Orthodox and you would be able to present a fantastically compelling theological/intellectual argument for that decision.  But your affiliation would have f*** all to do with that line of reasoning.  I could give you an extensive set of blog posts about why sedevacantism is the most convincing form of Catholicism at this very moment if you wanted to make yourself even more confused.  

Instead, what you need to do is cut the BS and figure out why you really want to go to church and what you are hoping to get out of it.  You need to discern what you really feel.  Take comfort in knowing that whatever feels right to you, there is an intellectual justification for it.  1Faith already presented one for SSPX.  Here's one place to start your honest search:  What is close by and how far are you willing to drive?  Have you talked extensively to not just the clergy, but the people who attend that church?  Could you see yourself becoming friends with them and getting enmeshed in the community?  Is it a good, healthy place for your kids?  Would you want to hang out there and get involved doing something in your free time, just for fun?

I mentioned in one post that when I cut through all of my BS and got down to it, what really mattered to me was having from the top down absolutely zero liberal garbage from anyone in the church hierarchy.  Intellectually I thought Orthodoxy was right for me until I saw the same liberal lines coming from the metropolitans that I saw coming from Catholic bishops.  And I knew deep down that despite all that theological and historical discernment I did, this wasn't the place for me because I would never be truly at rest hearing those sorts of things, and what I actually wanted was to not hear cucked good goy political positions coming from clergy.  It made me feel small and stupid because I had placed such a premium on theological rigor only to be turned off by something like that.  But I was finally getting to the heart of the matter.  

So be honest with yourself.  What do you really expect from a church?  What really pisses you off and makes you want to storm out of the pews?  What is a deal breaker?  And what is convenient and local and feasible?  

I don't think you need to "take a break" and I actually definitely don't think you need to withdraw more into yourself and your own mind.  What you need to do is sit your ass down in a few pews for all of your possible options and picture yourself with your kids there in a few years when they start asking your questions about why you go to church there.  Think about where, discarding all the heady stuff, you like the decor and the people you sit next to and the feeling you get when you walk through the door.

EDIT: I know you are a convert. Were you ever a part of a church before? Have you ever belonged to a real life, local group where you were closely connected to others, likely your same age, who attend the same parish and share your faith, i.e., that you can talk to and hang out with and do church stuff together? Where your kids can play with their kids, etc.? These are the kinds of things that you need to look for, and which will make all of that wandering in your head space seem small in comparison. There is such a wonderful, warm, fulfilling component to belonging to a parish that transcends literally all of the stuff we discuss here. And for you, ESPECIALLY because you have kids, this is what you need and need now as they are growing up.
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Messages In This Thread
Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-16-2019, 10:08 AM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by 1Faith - 10-16-2019, 10:51 AM
Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-16-2019, 11:13 AM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by jack89 - 10-16-2019, 12:47 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Bonaventure - 10-16-2019, 02:15 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Imperator Caesar Trump - 10-16-2019, 12:59 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-16-2019, 05:38 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Fionnchu - 10-17-2019, 12:00 AM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by MaryTN - 10-16-2019, 07:29 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-16-2019, 09:49 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Melkite - 10-17-2019, 09:11 AM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Ioannes_L - 10-16-2019, 01:48 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by jack89 - 10-16-2019, 02:35 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Bonaventure - 10-16-2019, 02:43 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by jack89 - 10-16-2019, 02:56 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by FultonFan - 10-16-2019, 03:32 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by LionHippo - 10-16-2019, 11:59 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-17-2019, 12:10 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by 1Faith - 10-17-2019, 12:40 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Some Guy - 10-17-2019, 01:36 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Melkite - 10-17-2019, 02:13 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by jack89 - 10-17-2019, 02:28 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by 1Faith - 10-17-2019, 02:34 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by jovan66102 - 10-17-2019, 05:04 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Augustinian - 10-17-2019, 05:05 PM
Concerns about Catholicism - by 1Faith - 10-17-2019, 08:49 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by LionHippo - 10-17-2019, 09:54 PM
Concerns about Catholicism - by 1Faith - 10-17-2019, 11:32 PM
RE: Concerns about Catholicism - by Some Guy - 10-18-2019, 12:18 PM



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