Women with Short Hair
(12-30-2019, 10:49 PM)MaryTN Wrote: .
Lots of men like long hair.  But those men don't take care of long hair, do they?
Pleasing your husband is important.
But, at the end, it is YOUR hair and pleasing yourself is important, too.

I agree with you Mary with some added nuance.

If you are going through a severe illness or other trial and taking care of your hair is far too much at this time, perhaps that would be a good reason to tell your husband that it's just too much, you have to take care of you, and hope that he will understand.

On the other hand, there are many changes that come with having a baby that can push a couple apart and it's really, really important to keep the marriage relationship as the priority relationship at all times.  

Your baby is dependent on the quality of your marriage!

So make sure to find a good babysitter and put some date nights on the calendar.  Even if you don't have money to go to dinner or anything, just go for a walk or do an errand together....so vital for your sanity and relationship.

Often times the small things can cause a small and bothersome thorn in the side of the relationship with more added that fester over the years.

Your hair is yours to do with what you want and you shouldn't have to OBEY your husband where that is concerned.  It's not a vital situation that calls for his leadership.

But when you can, out of love for him, willingly submit to his desires, you should do so.  You can tell him that it's difficult and you want to cut it but you will spend the extra time because you love him and want to please him and look pretty for him.   :heart:

Then when he admires your pretty hair each day he will have an extra appreciation for your desire to make little sacrifices to please him.

That can go a very long way in a relationship whereas a selfish attitude can cause a distaste whenever he looks at you, and a temptation to admire other girls with long hair and think how his wife doesn't care what he likes.

Now if your pregnancy or childbirth and childcare issues become acutely prohibitive to the care of your hair, it's time for him to submit to your desires and understand the stress of what you are going through.  

But of course, it can be a temporary thing until you are able to get on your feet again.

Just think if he wanted some kind of really lame, ugly tattoo on his face or hair color or style etc....something that is a turn off for you and showed no considerations for your feelings in the matter.

You both gave yourselves away on your wedding day and it's through the little things in your relationship that you will grow in holiness.

Whenever possible, take into consideration the feelings of both spouses with a great desire to understand each other, please each other and find a win/win solution.
(12-30-2019, 12:34 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I'm thinking like an Audrey-Hepburn style pixie, or something along the lines of Halle Berry's haircut in her James Bond movie.

What are your thoughts on traditional women with short hair, and what should I do so that I don't upset my husband?
Some women look good or better with long hair; others look good or better with short hair. Some don't look good at all with long hair; some don't look good at all with short hair. Your hairstyle is between you and your husband.

And if you get a cut you don't like, it always grows back. It's no big deal.
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I had an Audrey Hepburn pixie cut in college. I loved it! Now I have an Anne Hathaway pixie cut (presumably after her Les Miserables haircut started growing out). I know some men like long hair, but I’ve never understood it as a particularly Catholic thing.
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  • VoxClamantis
(12-30-2019, 12:34 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote:  Now that I'm living in Texas and dealing with the horrific humidity, and now that I'm having a baby in May 2020, I'm seriously considering getting it cut short again. However, now it is my husband who refuses to consider the possibility of me having short hair. He says it's unfeminine and that I'll look like a lesbian, and that he won't tolerate his wife looking even remotely like a feminist. We go to a traditional Latin parish, and it is true that all the women there, without exception, have long, beautiful hair (that I will never have, LOL). I don't want to anger my husband, but I'm also at my wit's end with this hair and I really don't know what to do. It's getting so tangled and ratty that I literally have to cut out the knots with scissors every night before going to bed. And because it's so curly, settling for a not-quite pixie, like a bob, won't really solve the problem, because the shorter it is, the more like an afro it becomes.

Your husband is suffering from a bit of vanity, and is (hopefully, only mildly) more concerned about what parishioners will think of him Sunday AM than of your comfort during the entire week.  My suggestion is to let your hair go.  Sunday morning, don't go to any trouble to brush your hair in a way that will cause you pain.  Let it frizz out as naturally as possible.  Put on a simple head covering that doesn't cover much of your hair, and go to church.  That should embarrass him enough to let him know he's the one being an ass.
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I know the struggle.  I've dealt with it for years. Think dreadlocks...and then trying to comb them out. Incredible pain!

If you really want to "nourish your hair" (1 Corr. 11:15) to please your husband, this is what I've found works for me:

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[Image: 83817184_1433977966763906_48522108570875...e=5E8D9185]

In my experience:
1) Water on the hair is counterproductive, so only wet the hair when you absolutely HAVE TO wash it.  Do not scald your hair with hot water, no matter how good that feels on your scalp...it's counterproductive to good hair maintenance.  
2) Oils produced by your body are the natural protectants of the hair cuticle.  If your body is not making enough of these oils, then you need to supplement them to keep from losing hair moisture from open hair cuticles.
3) If you're experiencing constant tangles (I can't even pass my hair from one shoulder to the other without getting tangles formed), then you need to use a sealing oil on your hair.

How I've finally worked things out after 15 years of experimentation:
1) Every three days without fail, shampoo only the scalp.
2) With a wide tooth comb, comb conditioner through the hair root to tip.  I usually require 1/2 cup conditioner to achieve this.  Combing takes about five minutes.  Rinse very thoroughly.
3) Every other shampoo period, after conditioning, use Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque.  Comb through from root to tip.  Wrap it in a cap and shower your body off.  After 10 minutes, rinse thoroughly.  Every fifth shampoo, replace the Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque with Moroccan Mend Argan Oil.
4) Using the flow of the water, braid the hair and tie it off.  This will prevent the temptation to tease your hair with a towel as a drying routine.  Gently squeeze the excess moisture from the braid.  Wear a dry towel over the hair for 30 minutes, squeezing the braid from time to time.  Let the hair stay in the braid for 12 hours.
5) Once the scalp hair is dry (even before the braid is fully dry), spray all around the scalp hair with Argan Oil of Morocco Healing Dry Oil.  Use the comb to work the oil toward the braid all around the scalp.
6) Once the braid is undone, spray the unbraided hair liberally with Hask Argan Oil From Morocco 5-in-1 Leave-in Spray.  Don't soak the hair, but don't skimp.  Massage the hair gently, then comb gently starting with the ends, moving gradually up to the scalp.  Once you've reached the scalp and can kind of run the comb all the way through, apply Physician's Formula Argan Oil to the tips (just a tiny bit goes a long way).
7) Spray all the hair with the Healing Dry Oil, and gently comb it all through, starting from the ends again if necessary.
8) At this point, I put the hair in a ribbon bun, and secure it under my kapp and tichel.  Keeping the hair covered most of the day also improves the resistance to moisture loss.
9) Every other day, apply Healing Dry Oil around scalp hair and comb gently toward bun.
10)  If you've got a hot date, and you want to let your hair down, the Shea Moisture KIDS spray will help with a quick detangle once you unfurl the hair in the bun...and a conservative dose of olive oil spray over the top as a protectant wouldn't hurt.

It's a lot of work, but very rewarding when you see a man's eyes light up when he smells and caresses the hair.

Best wishes with your decision.
Haha welcome to marriage, it's a double-edged sword.

I agree with Vox and Melkite. It's a matter between you and your husband and while I agree I don't want my wife looking like a lesbian, getting a pixie-cut is not the same as dying your hair blue and dressing in men's clothes. Does he know the struggle you have to go through with your hair?

Femininity is more how you act, than how you look.
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(12-30-2019, 08:46 PM)Catherine Wrote: Also, I hate the prevailing idea that curly hair has to be ironed and smoothed into submission or its ugly. Bah! Wild and curly is beautiful too!!!
My wife and I have been together over three decades, and she has unmanageable naturally dark curly hair. She let it go gray and now we match, as my red-brown wavy locks also have aged in tandem, and I have flyaway wispy strands. My advice is not to bow to fashion or dye (later on). Just let nature take its course, and glory in what God gave you on top.
The deeds you do may be the only sermon some people may hear today (Francis of Assisi); Win an argument, lose a soul (Fulton Sheen)
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Yeah, Cantu curl cream's awesome and affordable. That's what I do. 

Schmear it on at night and rinse it out in your morning shower with Suave's Coconut Conditioner. Use your fingers to detangle as you rinse all that product out. Done. Don't shampoo a lot. 

Don't get your hair cut unless it's someone who knows how to cut curly hair.
Oh my Jesus, I surrender myself to you. Take care of everything.--Fr Dolindo Ruotolo

Persevere..Eucharist, Holy Rosary, Brown Scapular, Confession. You will win.
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(12-31-2019, 09:25 AM)VoxClamantis Wrote:
(12-30-2019, 12:34 PM)SacraCor714 Wrote: I'm thinking like an Audrey-Hepburn style pixie, or something along the lines of Halle Berry's haircut in her James Bond movie.

What are your thoughts on traditional women with short hair, and what should I do so that I don't upset my husband?
Some women look good or better with long hair; others look good or better with short hair. Some don't look good at all with long hair; some don't look good at all with short hair. Your hairstyle is between you and your husband.

And if you get a cut you don't like, it always grows back. It's no big deal.

Yeah, I'm pretty much with Vox on this one. The old trad trope of never letting women have short hair is as hilarious as it is ahistorical and, frankly, boorish. If I had to guess, I would say that it is a reaction against the common meme of short-haired bull dyke feminists; but some bull-dyke feminists have long or medium length hair too. This tendency seems to be confirmed by your husband's response to your desire for short hair as well. Basically, this is an American cultural phenomenon being mythologized into some hard and fast rule for traditional Catholics that makes very little sense.

That said, there is at least one scriptural reference in defense of women having long hair: namely, when St. Paul says that women should cover their heads in Church, for to have an uncovered head in Church would be similar in indignity to being shorn. To that, I reply that I don't believe that you are talking about being shorn here; rather, you are indicating a desire for a shorter style of hair. So I think that checks out.

Even so, your husband has made a request of you and you have very seriously to consider that as a factor. Though you are well within your rights to cut your hair short, you have also made a promise to obey and respect your husband. In this case, that means keeping it long. I think he is wrong to make that request of you, but that is immaterial. I would impress upon your husband the various reasons that you wish to have long hair, perhaps providing him with examples of saintly women whose hair was, at a time, short, and explaining that there is no impediment to short hair on women from a canonical or reasonable stand point. Try to get him to understand that short hair being for raging feminist lesbians is a modern, American trope, not a hard and fast rule, and that your cutting your hair short is not indicative of your desire to follow that trend. If he, after considering that with love and charity, still wishes for you to keep your hair long, perhaps you should obey that request.
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I once cut my hair short in a pixie cut.  My husband walked right past me at the grocery store and didn't recognize me.  When we got home, he told me kissing me was like cheating on me with me.  It felt weird.  Needless to say, I grew my hair out. 

I have curly hair - less so because I live in an arid climate.  But I used to live in Virginia and I know what "fun" humidity can be.  Might I suggest pinning your hair up to dry?  I find that if I comb it straight and pin it up, it becomes less curly and less thick feeling.  If I don't do this, I have a mane of hair that is hard to brush or comb and is so darn thick, there isn't a comb or clip that would hold it.
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