Impurity
#1
hi all, i just joined today even though i am a long time lurker. i have been married for five years and we have one girl with a nother child on the way. i have struggled with masturbation most of my life and even now that i'm married i havent been able to stop. i am so distressed because i feel like i am cheating on my husband. he has no idea and he works on the military base for long hours every day so i am often left at home alone with our daughter. i miss him and get so bored and lonely. sometimes i even look at impure images on my phone and i always feel so horrible afterwards. i am married and this should not be happening.  i was hoping that getting married would help satisfy my sexual desires but nothing has changed and i feel so horrible that some days i want to kill myself because i would be so ashamed if he ever found out. i want to tell him and be honest with him but i am afraid he would leave me. i dont know what to do and i am so ashamed and afraid. i do my best to say a rosary every day and i go to mass asoften as i can but nothing has helped me and iam dispairing.
Reply
#2
(01-09-2020, 05:58 PM)white_cross Wrote: hi all, i just joined today even though i am a long time lurker. i have been married for five years and we have one girl with a nother child on the way. i have struggled with masturbation most of my life and even now that i'm married i havent been able to stop. i am so distressed because i feel like i am cheating on my husband. he has no idea and he works on the military base for long hours every day so i am often left at home alone with our daughter. i miss him and get so bored and lonely. sometimes i even look at impure images on my phone and i always feel so horrible afterwards. i am married and this should not be happening.  i was hoping that getting married would help satisfy my sexual desires but nothing has changed and i feel so horrible that some days i want to kill myself because i would be so ashamed if he ever found out. i want to tell him and be honest with him but i am afraid he would leave me. i dont know what to do and i am so ashamed and afraid. i do my best to say a rosary every day and i go to mass asoften as i can but nothing has helped me and iam dispairing.

Don’t despair.
You’re a sinner, welcome to the club.
That kind of a vice can become something of an addiction.
However, it absolutely can be overcome.
This website should help you. http://www.chastitysf.com/q_masturbation.htm
[-] The following 1 user Likes FultonFan's post:
  • jack89
Reply
#3
(01-09-2020, 05:58 PM)white_cross Wrote: hi all, i just joined today even though i am a long time lurker. i have been married for five years and we have one girl with a nother child on the way. i have struggled with masturbation most of my life and even now that i'm married i havent been able to stop. i am so distressed because i feel like i am cheating on my husband. he has no idea and he works on the military base for long hours every day so i am often left at home alone with our daughter. i miss him and get so bored and lonely. sometimes i even look at impure images on my phone and i always feel so horrible afterwards. i am married and this should not be happening.  i was hoping that getting married would help satisfy my sexual desires but nothing has changed and i feel so horrible that some days i want to kill myself because i would be so ashamed if he ever found out. i want to tell him and be honest with him but i am afraid he would leave me. i dont know what to do and i am so ashamed and afraid. i do my best to say a rosary every day and i go to mass asoften as i can but nothing has helped me and iam dispairing.

Have you ever heard of Beggars Daughter (https://beggarsdaughter.com/about-jessica/)? Sadly, I think one of the most destructive forces in modern times is the "sexual saintification" by default of all women. Pop psych reinforces about a centuries worth of poor theology on the spiritual nature of woman leaving women like yourself in the middle of no where with no help. Rest assured though that there is freedom and healing. Its not easy and some days are down right discouraging as Jessica shares, but God is in charge even when we feel He isn't.
Local anti-feminist.....if you think women deserve special treatment without any accountability for their actions expect to hear from me!
[-] The following 1 user Likes divinesilence80's post:
  • antiquarian
Reply
#4
Many struggle with this vice, I would very much recommend installing a filter for yourself if you haven't already, It might not get everything but it should get the bulk of it and help a lot. Is your husband Catholic? For if so you could work together and get him to put in the password, if not, I got a huge list of CD keys and put a random 4/5 letter combination as the password that I copied and pasted quickly and thus quickly forgot, so if I ever did need to access it again, I could still do it, it would just take all day of trial and error. I did the same for a dummy email address, so I can't simply go 'forgot password' without the same process (not sure if you can create dummy email addresses anymore).

Other than that, prayer, confession, don't lose hope and persistence, think about how you can improve and not fall next time.

Quote:
Thomas a Kempis - Imitation of Christ
Acquiring Patience in the Fight Against Concupiscence

The Disciple
PATIENCE, O Lord God, is very necessary for me, I see, because there are many adversities in this life. No matter what plans I make for my own peace, my life cannot be free from struggle and sorrow.

The Voice of Christ
My child, you are right, yet My wish is not that you seek that peace which is free from temptations or meets with no opposition, but rather that you consider yourself as having found peace when you have been tormented with many tribulations and tried with many adversities. If you say that you cannot suffer much, how will you endure the fire of purgatory? Of two evils, the lesser is always to be chosen. Therefore, in order that you may escape the everlasting punishments to come, try to bear present evils patiently for the sake of God.

Do you think that men of the world have no suffering, or perhaps but little? Ask even those who enjoy the most delights and you will learn otherwise. “But,” you will say, “they enjoy many pleasures and follow their own wishes; therefore they do not feel their troubles very much.” Granted that they do have whatever they wish, how long do you think it will last? Behold, they who prosper in the world shall perish as smoke, and there shall be no memory of their past joys. Even in this life they do not find rest in these pleasures without bitterness, weariness, and fear. For they often receive the penalty of sorrow from the very thing whence they believe their happiness comes. And it is just. Since they seek and follow after pleasures without reason, they should not enjoy them without shame and bitterness.

How brief, how false, how unreasonable and shameful all these pleasures are! Yet in their drunken blindness men do not understand this, but like brute beasts incur death of soul for the miserly enjoyment of a corruptible life. Therefore, My child, do not pursue your lusts, but turn away from your own will. “Seek thy pleasure in the Lord and He will give thee thy heart’s desires.”34 If you wish to be truly delighted and more abundantly comforted by Me, behold, in contempt of all worldly things and in the cutting off of all base pleasures shall your blessing be, and great consolation shall be given you. Further, the more you withdraw yourself from any solace of creatures, the sweeter and stronger comfort will you find in Me.

At first you will not gain these blessings without sadness and toil and conflict. Habit already formed will resist you, but it shall be overcome by a better habit. The flesh will murmur against you, but it will be bridled by fervor of spirit. The old serpent will sting and trouble you, but prayer will put him to flight and by steadfast, useful toil the way will be closed to him.

Highlight -
"Habit already formed will resist you, but it shall be overcome by a better habit. The flesh will murmur against you, but it will be bridled by fervor of spirit. The old serpent will sting and trouble you, but prayer will put him to flight and by steadfast, useful toil the way will be closed to him."

Jesus to St Faustina -
"I never reject a contrite heart." (Diary, 1485)

I hope this helps.

God Bless You
[-] The following 1 user Likes josh987654321's post:
  • MiserereMeiDeus
Reply
#5
Three Hail Marys for purity, morning and night. Before each one, say 'O Mary, by Thine Immaculate Conception, keep my soul holy and my body pure'. It's working for me!
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
“Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'
FishEaters Group on MeWe
[-] The following 3 users Like jovan66102's post:
  • HailGilbert, josh987654321, MiserereMeiDeus
Reply
#6
Also, would highly recommend wearing a sacramental such as the Brown Scapular or Miraculous Medal. I wear the Brown Scapular, but the Miraculous Medal is also fantastic 'O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.'

God Bless You
[-] The following 2 users Like josh987654321's post:
  • HailGilbert, MiserereMeiDeus
Reply
#7
(01-09-2020, 05:58 PM)white_cross Wrote: hi all, i just joined today even though i am a long time lurker. i have been married for five years and we have one girl with a nother child on the way. i have struggled with masturbation most of my life and even now that i'm married i havent been able to stop. i am so distressed because i feel like i am cheating on my husband. he has no idea and he works on the military base for long hours every day so i am often left at home alone with our daughter. i miss him and get so bored and lonely. sometimes i even look at impure images on my phone and i always feel so horrible afterwards. i am married and this should not be happening.  i was hoping that getting married would help satisfy my sexual desires but nothing has changed and i feel so horrible that some days i want to kill myself because i would be so ashamed if he ever found out. i want to tell him and be honest with him but i am afraid he would leave me. i dont know what to do and i am so ashamed and afraid. i do my best to say a rosary every day and i go to mass asoften as i can but nothing has helped me and iam dispairing.
First, God bless you and He certainly has, look at your family!  That's wonderful!  I'm so happy to see another growing Catholic family, and so is Jesus, God bless you!!!

Second, your experience sounds like mine (although I'm a man) - I too felt helpless and unfaithful to my spouse because of my habit of masturbating.  I too was saying a rosary a day, going to Mass as often as I could, etc., but felt unable to stop.

I decided that what I was doing wasn't making me feel good, but making me feel miserable.  So why was I doing it?  It occurred to me that, like most sin, it's the result of being beset by demons, supernatural beings who want to hurt me.  So, I needed the help of supernatural beings who want to help me.  I needed supernatural allies, and fortunately they're all right there waiting to help us.

It was at that point that I started saying as many rosaries as I could -- when one ends, I start another.  At this point, I pray 12 rosaries a day, on average.  I also read the Breviary (mine came from Amazon, I read it on my Kindle) -- all of the daily readings -- every day.  And when I'm in the shower, when I'm most vulnerable, I pray Hail Mary's continuously -- over and over.  Desperate situations call for desperate measures, I figured.

And it works!  I'd be so embarrassed to be masturbating while praying to the Blessed Virgin Mary that I simply can't.  It would feel as if she were watching me (which in fact she is!).  St. Paul says in one of the Epistles to "pray unceasingly."  I try to, all the time -- sitting on the couch, showering, in the bathroom even.  (I figure they already know how I look naked anyway, and besides they're supernatural creatures, right?)

Feeling myself to be in the presence of the Holy Trinity, the Blessed Virgin Mary and all the saints definitely inhibits me from that kind of behavior.  I recommend it!

God bless you and your family; I'll keep you in my prayers!
[-] The following 1 user Likes Mark Trahan's post:
  • MiserereMeiDeus
Reply
#8
The above advice is very good, but I think there are two things to add here :


First, There is among people a false notion that marriage will fix our sexual sins. It doesn't. If we were unchaste before marriage, we will find ways to abuse marriage and chastity after we marry. 

It is the same for a man who thinks that religious or priests life will help him cure his impure habits. It won't. 

What marriage does do, is provide a means of consecrating our carnal desires to use them properly. This is a help if it is used as a help.

If the whole point of marrying is so that sexual pleasure isn't a sin, and the whole point of marriage is to give us a legitimate way to "get off", then it's not a help and when life gets tough and marriage turns a bit "vanilla" we will just try to satisfy ourselves in other ways. The solution is to make sure that legitimate sexual acts in marriage (so no unnatural acts, contraceptive stuff, complete oral pleasure, etc.) are geared toward a higher end. This could be towards procreation (the primary purpose of marriage) or a noble secondary end such as the unity between the spouses. Pleasure alone is not a legitimate end, and if that is all that is sought in marital sex, then it is no wonder that abuses of marriage happen.

Second, the fight for purity is not only a supernatural fight, nor is it merely a natural fight. It's both.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is to think that they can fight without the help of God. God usually humbles such people by allowing them to fall into the sin they are fighting. Our strength is not enough, because we are fallen. Yet, neither to God want to do it all for us. He expects us to do our part and fight, but then rely on His help (and that of the angels, Saints and Christian faithful) to support us. Thus we need to fight, but use the Sacraments regularly and all of the spiritual helps possible. Especially important is regular prayer, acts of Sacrifice and Penance, and practicing the Presence of God (taking a minute here and there to recall His Presence around you and asking for His help).

The other big mistake is to despise natural remedies. Grace builds on Nature. While we should never neglect the spiritual means God has given to fight, we do a grave disservice to Him if we don't use the natural means he's give us. If you are idle and find it is then that you easily fall into grave sin, then busy yourself with tasks and activities. Take up a good hobby to fill the time and be creative. Get the energy out with some exercise. If you are alone during the day with your child, then perhaps get together with some others who are in the same boat and have some playtime for the kids and social hour for the ladies. If you're with them and busy, you simply won't have time for impurity, and then grace will help you to fight when you do have a temptation. You also will have some good habits built against the bad.
[-] The following 3 users Like MagisterMusicae's post:
  • antiquarian, jovan66102, MiserereMeiDeus
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)