My journey back to Catholicism
#1
Ever since I was little, I've always loved God and wanted to grow in the faith. Eventually, one boring summer day when I was 10, a thought came into my head, "I want to do magic". So I started researching and started just doing things out of ignorance of church teaching. I then found a post on a forum talking about why Christianity doesn't truly condemn magic or something like that. They posted something from Deuterominity, where it says to not suffer a witch to live. I didn't read the rest of their article, because I knew that if the church said that (and especially the bible) one shouldn't practice magic, then surely it's sinful. I researched whether or not it was sinful, and low and behold I found actual catholic doctrine. And I became scared, for I've committed a grave sin and was fearing hell so much to the point that I lost sleep. Even after confessing, I was still just scared. And, I assume the devil used this fear because I eventually became more scared of hell than I loved God. I kept with Catholic teaching out of fear of hell, but my love of God has diminished. 
       I eventually forgot about the whole ordeal (probably suppressed the memory), but one day, around the end of 8th grade, I remembered. And my curiosity got the best of me. I started to do magic again, but I tried to stay Catholic because I still feared hell (and loved God, but mostly feared hell). I would go away from magic and back to the church a lot, and it broke me spiritually. I eventually knew I had to make a choice and stick with it. I chose magic, for I felt it was a calling. For a few years, I didn't look back, and my fear of hell disappeared, as I was practicing magic of all sorts, learning many things. Eventually, I started to research astrology and wasn't satisfied with the state of modern astrology. Why would kings in medieval days pay a fortune for a reading about how they're "sensitive"? So I started to research traditional astrology; medieval astrology and astrological magic. Note that I was pagan at the time, and felt my faith in them dwindle.
       My first act of astrological magic was to make a talisman of the planet Jupiter, who would bring piety, knowledge, and (necessary)  wealth. And it worked. It worked so well that I started to get a stronger pullback to Catholicism. I expected more piety for the gods I worshipped at the time, but neigh it was divine providence that brought me back to God. In fact, I just got back to catholicism the Sunday before Lent, I think. My faith was, and still is, somewhat weak. For I still practice and study traditional medieval astrology (in the lens of Catholic theology, and I don't give in to fatalism), and find saints such as Albertus Magnus and Thomas Aquinas as being grant inspiration for me. For the first few days back to Catholicism, I did love astrology more than God, and every time I hear a rebuttal against it, I feel myself get drawn back into my previous sins. But, I resist it and my love for God has only grown stronger, as I've replaced my previous pagan magic with prayer. I see this whole ordeal as a sort of "purification". While not totally within God's will, as God doesn't will for any of us to sin, this delving into paganism helped me to release the fear of hell that was debilitating my love for the true God. And God worked with this state, brought me back to Catholicism and I'm working on improving my relationship with him. It's amazing how God can work miracules in desparate times. Just like how Life was brought to us by the Death of Jesus, his son, he brought me back into life when I was in a spiritual death. 
      I believe it is my vocation to bring many things back into communion with the church, so to speak. For, everything was created by God, and so all things are inherently good. But the devil corrupts things to make them evil. I think God wants me to, within the holy theology he endowed upon his holy church, find what makes something diabolical, remove it and incorporate it within church teachings. Of course, I'm not saying that I, a mere human, has the power to redeem anything, but to sort of reintroduce it. I'm sorry if I'm just not quite finding the right words as of now. Let me give an example we can all agree on. We are to love God with all are hearts, and put our love of God above all else. Satan has "inspired" us to put our loves among other things. False gods, money, fame, other people, ect. That is corrupted love. But, in putting our love of God above all else, then we purify it in a sense. As with science, which has become secularized, we should aim to bring it in with communion with God, by putting a love for understanding God through his creatures within these things. Again, I must apologize for I often lack the right words to communicate what's in my mind and my heart, but hopefully the holy spirit will grant everyone a right understanding of what I say (and, if I contridict doctrine or dogma, then hopefully he inspires you to correct me!).

Blessed be the triune God! Blessed be Holy Mother Mary, and blessed be Jesus!
[-] The following 3 users Like AlbertMagnus12's post:
  • antiquarian, Fionnchu, ServusDei
Reply
#2
I realized I should've put this in the welcome section, oops lol
Reply
#3
Moved it for you.
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


Reply
#4
Thank you :)
[-] The following 1 user Likes AlbertMagnus12's post:
  • jovan66102
Reply
#5
Just out of curiosity, what is traditional medieval astrology and how does it differ from modern astrology?
Reply
#6
Read The Traditional Catholic View of Astrology on the main site.
Jovan-Marya of the Immaculate Conception Weismiller, T.O.Carm.

Vive le Christ-roi! Vive le roi, Louis XX!
Deum timete, regem honorificate.
Kansan by birth! Albertan by choice! Jayhawk by the Grace of God!
  “Qui me amat, amet et canem meum. (Who loves me will love my dog also.)” 
St Bernard of Clairvaux

My Blog 'Musings of an Old Curmudgeon'


[-] The following 2 users Like jovan66102's post:
  • AlbertMagnus12, SeekerofChrist
Reply
#7
(03-26-2020, 04:50 PM)jovan66102 Wrote: Read The Traditional Catholic View of Astrology on the main site.
I have, and I loved it
Reply
#8
(03-26-2020, 04:08 PM)SeekerofChrist Wrote: Just out of curiosity, what is traditional medieval astrology and how does it differ from modern astrology?
Medieval astrology is a lot more practical. You have different branches such as horary to answer specific questions (is my wife cheating on me, where did I leave my book, ect.), natal which deals with the influences of the planets during your birth, and mundane which is generally speaking the study of astrology concerning a mass of people. Say, what will happen in a country with its people. 
Medieval also has a basis on ancient philosophy (such as Aristotle and plato). 
Modern, from what I know, comes mostly from confusion after the "enlightenment" and during the increase in the study of psychology. Most people didn't know Latin, and these texts where obscure and hard to find, and so eventually modern astrology evolved from misinformation. 

That's all very general, but modern also lacks many techniques such as dignity and such. A good medieval book is Christian Astrology (by William Lilly, and not the one edited by "Zadkiel") for anyone looking to get into a serious study.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)