Old Souls And Friendship
#1
Are there any other people out there who are, or have been in their youth, "old souls"?

How did you deal with it? 

I am finding it's pretty hard to find anyone under the age of 50 who really wants me. I am not even speaking romantically at all, but just as friends. I don't know if it's just the cold, insular, anti social culture of the Pacific Northwest, but anytime I try to invite someone to spend time or get to know someone my age, it virtually never works out. I have only one friend my age, and he might be moving away soon if he rejoins the military. It's honestly really demoralizing to not be able to relate to anyone my age in person. I've made mistakes on my part too, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on coping? 

One thing to accept not being able to find a woman in this day and age, that is bitter pill enough. But not even being able to have friends roughly my age feels much more bitter. Is it just a problem with my location? Me? The nature of being an old soul? Am I the only one who has ever felt an invisible chasm between me and everyone else?
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#2
(10-15-2020, 05:34 AM)Orthodox Andy Wrote: Are there any other people out there who are, or have been in their youth, "old souls"?

How did you deal with it? 

I am finding it's pretty hard to find anyone under the age of 50 who really wants me. I am not even speaking romantically at all, but just as friends. I don't know if it's just the cold, insular, anti social culture of the Pacific Northwest, but anytime I try to invite someone to spend time or get to know someone my age, it virtually never works out. I have only one friend my age, and he might be moving away soon if he rejoins the military. It's honestly really demoralizing to not be able to relate to anyone my age in person. I've made mistakes on my part too, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on coping? 

One thing to accept not being able to find a woman in this day and age, that is bitter pill enough. But not even being able to have friends roughly my age feels much more bitter. Is it just a problem with my location? Me? The nature of being an old soul? Am I the only one who has ever felt an invisible chasm between me and everyone else?

Hi Andy,
I have been in your shoes and my mother always called me an "old soul." I recommend reading about classical temperaments... old souls are melancholics. You sound melancholic in temperament. If you understand more about your temperament and how specifically the melancholic temperament is "deep", interior, and naturally disposed to piety and impatience with this earthly exile, and characterized more than any of the temperaments by a profound longing for intimacy with God, you will probably be consoled. 

I will say of the people I know from the Pacific Northwest: not exactly deep thinkers, very much swimming in the times. I used to work for a firm out of the PNW and I noticed a certain optimistic, self-oriented, fun-loving shallowness in my team leads. Perhaps this is anecdotal... but they are so recently settled there, I think a certain rootedness of life and character is missing. I am a Southerner, and as battered as Southern culture is, it is a true culture.

I know a married couple from the PNW who moved to the South and feel alienated even by their new neighbors visiting. They moved into one of the oldest neighborhoods in our town into a house with history, where a well liked and respectable family dwelled for a long time. The neighbors in this neighborhood have lived there for most of their adult lives, raised families there, and of course enjoyed good relationships with the previous owners. But my acquaintances felt uncomfortable, like it was an awkward and presumptuous thing to do for neighbors to come over welcome them to the neighborhood, and discuss the history of the house and tell them about the previous owners. She actually treated it a bit like a scandal.

A neighbor came over while I was visiting, and I had a friendly chat with her, asking her how long she had lived in the area, about her family, what brought them here, about her husband's work, etc. And my PNW acquaintance said to me after she left, "How did you do that? Just talk to her like that? I really wouldn't have known what to say." I was like whoa, it's just pleasantries, LOL - interiorly, of course. Seriously, I thought it was so funny! Talk about atomization. Like I said, it's a shallow sample size, but I do think you are onto something. I like this acquaintance of mine but I'm pretty sure they're into the BLM stuff now so I steer clear.
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#3
I want to also add, pray for the grace to kiss your cross... this loneliness is endemic to those who swim against the current of their cultural times. You can contemplate Jesus's Agony in the Garden and unite your loneliness to His.
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#4
(10-15-2020, 01:42 PM)Momarchist Wrote:
(10-15-2020, 05:34 AM)Orthodox Andy Wrote: Are there any other people out there who are, or have been in their youth, "old souls"?

How did you deal with it? 

I am finding it's pretty hard to find anyone under the age of 50 who really wants me. I am not even speaking romantically at all, but just as friends. I don't know if it's just the cold, insular, anti social culture of the Pacific Northwest, but anytime I try to invite someone to spend time or get to know someone my age, it virtually never works out. I have only one friend my age, and he might be moving away soon if he rejoins the military. It's honestly really demoralizing to not be able to relate to anyone my age in person. I've made mistakes on my part too, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on coping? 

One thing to accept not being able to find a woman in this day and age, that is bitter pill enough. But not even being able to have friends roughly my age feels much more bitter. Is it just a problem with my location? Me? The nature of being an old soul? Am I the only one who has ever felt an invisible chasm between me and everyone else?

Hi Andy,
I have been in your shoes and my mother always called me an "old soul." I recommend reading about classical temperaments... old souls are melancholics. You sound melancholic in temperament. If you understand more about your temperament and how specifically the melancholic temperament is "deep", interior, and naturally disposed to piety and impatience with this earthly exile, and characterized more than any of the temperaments by a profound longing for intimacy with God, you will probably be consoled. 

I will say of the people I know from the Pacific Northwest: not exactly deep thinkers, very much swimming in the times. I used to work for a firm out of the PNW and I noticed a certain optimistic, self-oriented, fun-loving shallowness in my team leads. Perhaps this is anecdotal... but they are so recently settled there, I think a certain rootedness of life and character is missing. I am a Southerner, and as battered as Southern culture is, it is a true culture.

I know a married couple from the PNW who moved to the South and feel alienated even by their new neighbors visiting. They moved into one of the oldest neighborhoods in our town into a house with history, where a well liked and respectable family dwelled for a long time. The neighbors in this neighborhood have lived there for most of their adult lives, raised families there, and of course enjoyed good relationships with the previous owners. But my acquaintances felt uncomfortable, like it was an awkward and presumptuous thing to do for neighbors to come over welcome them to the neighborhood, and discuss the history of the house and tell them about the previous owners. She actually treated it a bit like a scandal.

A neighbor came over while I was visiting, and I had a friendly chat with her, asking her how long she had lived in the area, about her family, what brought them here, about her husband's work, etc. And my PNW acquaintance said to me after she left, "How did you do that? Just talk to her like that? I really wouldn't have known what to say." I was like whoa, it's just pleasantries, LOL - interiorly, of course. Seriously, I thought it was so funny! Talk about atomization. Like I said, it's a shallow sample size, but I do think you are onto something. I like this acquaintance of mine but I'm pretty sure they're into the BLM stuff now so I steer clear.

I am starting to think this region is uniquely evil, even for modernity. This just increases me interests in moving far away from this place when I get out of college (again).
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#5
I know the feeling. A good way to start getting to know people is over food. This is especially true if the food is cheap.
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#6
After reading some old resources on the melancholic temperament such as this old article, and this old page gave me some peace of mind again and a chance to reflect on my hyperactive nature. I am going to try and put the sorrows behind me, to tell myself things aren't as bad as they seem, and to embrace Jesus Christ, even if no one else outside of the internet and church will support me in my journey. 

It's also been raised to me that I might have a mild form of autism. That would explain a lot, and might be worth talking to a professional about. I just don't seem to get the world like everyone else does. Even if this leads to isolation for the rest of my life, I want to build more confidence in myself, and in God, to fulfill my mission on earth. Whatever that may be (I must surely have one!).
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#7
You're certainly not alone, Andy, even if it feels that way.  I too am a classic melancholic and have often wondered if I was meant to be born for a different age.  My interests and activities of choice are far removed from popular culture, and while I've worked hard to integrate just enough to socialize with my millennial cohort, I find it difficult to sustain a new meaningful friendship or even an acquaintance.  My Faith and political stances make that even more challenging.  It can be suffocating to be a lone wolf, but I think this is one of the many crosses God expects us to bear and work to overcome.  It takes a lot of effort and given how shallow and mundane most of our peers are, is seldom worth the fruits of our labor!  

I find the main hurdle is finding the right source to meet like-minded and like-wired people.  The best we can do is find a group that revolves around doing something we love and allow our talents (and the radiant joy with which we perform those talents) attract new people into our lives.  I think a trap that our temperament falls into is to seek carbon copies of ourselves, or rather, have a "must be this profound" criterion in making friends.  We certainly don't need to befriend superficial poster children, but try to look for people with good qualities that provide a good counterbalance: those who are a bit more extraverted and will bring out your more carefree attributes, while being sufficiently thoughtful to keep you stimulated from time to time.

Timely enough, I just found this the other day and it was illuminating, so I'll post in hopes you will find it insightful.  Melancholic portion starts at 31:10.




In terms of living on the left-coast, this may be a significant contributing factor.  However, I think you'll find the same situation anywhere you go.  Moving may improve it slightly, but won't be the automatic panacea you may be looking for.
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#8
(10-16-2020, 07:03 AM)Mourning Dove Wrote: You're certainly not alone, Andy, even if it feels that way.  I too am a classic melancholic and have often wondered if I was meant to be born for a different age.  My interests and activities of choice are far removed from popular culture, and while I've worked hard to integrate just enough to socialize with my millennial cohort, I find it difficult to sustain a new meaningful friendship or even an acquaintance.  My Faith and political stances make that even more challenging.  It can be suffocating to be a lone wolf, but I think this is one of the many crosses God expects us to bear and work to overcome.  It takes a lot of effort and given how shallow and mundane most of our peers are, is seldom worth the fruits of our labor!  

I find the main hurdle is finding the right source to meet like-minded and like-wired people.  The best we can do is find a group that revolves around doing something we love and allow our talents (and the radiant joy with which we perform those talents) attract new people into our lives.  I think a trap that our temperament falls into is to seek carbon copies of ourselves, or rather, have a "must be this profound" criterion in making friends.  We certainly don't need to befriend superficial poster children, but try to look for people with good qualities that provide a good counterbalance: those who are a bit more extraverted and will bring out your more carefree attributes, while being sufficiently thoughtful to keep you stimulated from time to time.

Timely enough, I just found this the other day and it was illuminating, so I'll post in hopes you will find it insightful.  Melancholic portion starts at 31:10.




In terms of living on the left-coast, this may be a significant contributing factor.  However, I think you'll find the same situation anywhere you go.  Moving may improve it slightly, but won't be the automatic panacea you may be looking for.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement. It's also nice to get a perspective from a melancholic who is also a woman (seems exceedingly rare in American society).
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#9
Update: Today went marvelously! I caught up over a beer with someone I haven't talked with in earnest for a couple of years, and we talked about some serious issues and came to a general understanding. I am very grateful to have caught him when I did, we will be staying in more regular contact in the future. Glory to God!
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#10
I read somewhere that melancholic is the number one temperament for women, actually. The reason that American women who are melancholics don't seem that way is that they are bent out of shape from an early age and trained against their natures. Their socialization is evil.
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