Sinning against my father?
#1
Hello fisheaters community

I am going through a delicate situation in which I do not want to sin or be a ‘bad’ daughter.
Short recap of my situation:

30 years woman doing my PhD in labor studies. Parents never married, they separated when I was about 9 months old. Mom is not Christian, Dad is. He is the one to whom I get my faith. My mom left secretly a day my dad was working because she was unhappy, scared of his reaction – mostly verbally violent person, controlling. My mom had her reasons as she told me. That is not the point of my questioning here.

I still had time with my dad throughout my youth and teens years. But it was unstable. He had quite a good career and good income. I have never missed any thing, material. When I was old enough to start working, part time weekend job, I did. My father did not want me to work. Still till this day. He would stand in front of the little store I was working back then. He would follow me on my way out of school catching my bus home. He stopped communication with me for a year when I choose to go to a mixed gendered high school (he wanted an ‘only girls’ high school). And there are more stories like that.

He is now financing some part of my studies. But even when I had research contracts or teaching contracts, he never approved of it and would always put down the task and the time I would have to put in. I always hid what I was doing, (when working). Always scared of his reaction. But I feel this is necessary for me in order to grow as a person. Develop my confidence, meet people and be the woman I want to be. But it’s hard to hide what I am. Although I feel this is essential.
I know I have to keep things short here.

But am I sinning? Am I disrespecting my dad? Although he is the way he is, I have a profound respect for him. He always provided. And I really hate myself for lying to him.
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#2
Where do you have suspicions that any "sins" lie? You thinking they lie in getting a doctorate? Doing research? Doing research your Dad doesn't like? Not telling him everything you do? If so, none of those are sins.
T h e   D u d e t t e   A b i d e s
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#3
Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.
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#4
(10-16-2020, 01:04 AM)Bombero Wrote: Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.

Come on, you can do better than that...
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#5
(10-16-2020, 12:32 AM)VoxClamantis Wrote: Where do you have suspicions that any "sins" lie? You thinking they lie in getting a doctorate? Doing research? Doing research your Dad doesn't like? Not telling him everything you do? If so, none of those are sins.

Not only are they not sins, but the duties of grown children to one’s parents do not include forsaking oneself to do what they want. They do not have a greater right to your decisions about what you will do with your life than you do.
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#6
(10-16-2020, 02:05 AM)Credidi Propter Wrote:
(10-16-2020, 01:04 AM)Bombero Wrote: Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.

Come on, you can do better than that...

I have to agree. That's a horrible thing to say to someone seeking counsel in distress. I hope you reconsider that sentiment, Bombero.
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#7
(10-16-2020, 01:04 AM)Bombero Wrote: Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.
Not every women and men will be blessed with a family. This is called discernement of a vocation.
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#8
(10-16-2020, 01:04 AM)Bombero Wrote: Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.

And you are also  touching an interesting point. The question of not honoring your parents. What could be considered as a dishonorous behavior?
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#9
Although you love your father, Fairy, I'm sure you understand he'll probably not always be part of your life. It's likely he'll die before you do. In fact, given another 20-25 years, you may be the one taking care of him. You may want to consider mentioning (reminding) this to him. At 30 years old, you should be well on your way into the responsibilities of adulthood. Good for you for doing so! 

The six commandment, "Thou shalt not commit adultery"  doesn't mean,"Thou shalt not become an adult." Becoming an adult isn't a sin, you know?
"Not only are we all in the same boat, but we are all seasick.” --G.K. Chesterton
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#10
(10-16-2020, 11:46 AM)The Fairy Wrote:
(10-16-2020, 01:04 AM)Bombero Wrote: Yes, if your father doesn't want you to go to school and you go, you are not honoring him. He is probably also upset that his daughter wasted her fertile years learning labor studies.

And you are also  touching an interesting point. The question of not honoring your parents. What could be considered as a dishonorous behavior?
miss, i think you should have separated from your parents long ago, also look for God's will, remember that God says those who does not love Me more than their parents, its unworthy of Me, you should be seeking what is God's will because i know for sure, its not to live all life with your parents
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