Feeling bad because I sinned again
#1

Yes, it’s me again! 


My husband and I recently had a baby and we are practicing NFP until we feel we can safely have another baby. I had an emergency C-section and a lot of complications with pregnancy, so we are going to wait a little bit.

This results in us having about two weeks out of each month where we have to abstain. My cycles are still irregular, and my charts are all over the place, so we have to be extra careful. I will admit, we did not practice any forms of Chasity or self control while I was pregnant. We had sex wherever and whenever we could! And now that we have to abstain for two straight weeks out of the month (which doesn’t seem like much but it is for us) we have yet to have a cycle where we don’t end up being “naughty.“ 

My husband, like most men, really loves sex, and it is his primary love language. It’s also my primary love language, and I love being intimate just as much as he does. When we try to cuddle or do anything even remotely sexual while we are trying to abstain, it always ends up leading to illicit climax. So it’s really a case of all or nothing for us. If we want to be pure, we pretty much have to live like brother and sister or else we end up taking things too far and falling into mortal sin. But then my husband and I both feel hollow and empty, especially my husband since his primary love language is physical touch.

All the NFP books say to cuddle and play board games during your time of abstinence, but that really doesn’t work for us. Expressing our love in “non-sexual ways“ is also a dead end. Its just not the same as real, good, holy sex, and it feels forced and even artificial. 

We had four more days of abstaining to go in this cycle, but my husband has been so glum and distant all weekend, and I needed him so badly and felt so sorry for him, that I “took care of him” this morning...Now I feel horrible because I led both of us into sin. 
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!
Reply
#2
I'm sorry to hear that you continue to experience difficulties.  I don't really have any advice to offer.  I'm perpetually single and have only struggled with self-abuse, not the kind of marital issues you're describing here.  Hopefully, our married members can give you some insight and suggestions.  I'll keep you and your husband in my prayers.
"For the true friends of the people are neither revolutionaries nor innovators, but traditionalists."
- Pope St. Pius X

"For there shall be a time, when they will not endure sound doctrine; but, according to their own desires, they will heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears: And will indeed turn away their hearing from the truth, but will be turned unto fables."
- 2 Timothy 4:3-4

"Therefore God shall send them the operation of error, to believe lying: That all may be judged who have not believed the truth, but have consented to iniquity."
- 2 Thessalonians 2:11-12
[-] The following 2 users Like SeekerofChrist's post:
  • Orthodox Andy, ServusDei
Reply
#3
Being a man, I can relate to your husband insofar as having a desire for physical relations with my wife. However, as head of the family, and as difficult as it can be, he should certainly strive to have more self-control and not try to "guilt trip" you (if that's what it is) into performing sinful acts by being distant, glum, whatever the emotional response of his may be to convey the notion that he is unhappy because he can't have sex. Because as you admitted, you were both dragged into sin because four days was too long to wait. So the fleeting moments of pleasure are a distant and quaint memory compared to the awful feeling of now having to bear your sins until confession.

I'll be honest - he should be lucky to have a wife who is just as, if not more eager than most men to have sex. I'm just saying this based on your previous posts where you have explained your relations with him. So not to sound inappropriate, but it sounds like he enjoys relations with you quite a bit when your cycle permits. In my opinion, he should be extremely grateful that his desires are satisfied quite frequently. His appreciation for that should be to support you in your desire to fulfill the Church's teachings on sexual relations in marriage, and to refrain from any thoughts that may lead you both into sin and the terrible feeling you both have afterwards.

A priest in high school once told us that there are 1,000 way to love somebody, and sex is just one of those ways. I know it's an "easier said than done" situation, but you will both probably feel much better about meeting the challenge to stay abstinent than you do when you both fall. My prayers are with you.
[-] The following 2 users Like LionHippo's post:
  • ServusDei, The Fairy
Reply
#4
Due to the intimate nature, of your post, I didn't read the specifics. I'm unmarried and can't offer any advice there. However, if you're in a state of mortal sin, a perfect act of contrition can put you back in a state of grace. This short tract explains contrition and how to obtain it. God bless! =^)

https://www.ecatholic2000.com/cts/untitled-110.shtml
Reply
#5
I'm in my 40s and just now encountering a situation where Pilgrim and I need to abstain in order to protect my health.  It is hard. 

As much as you feel artificial abstaining and trying to express love in other ways, it is also perhaps a good thing to learn to do.  There are seasons in life where this is both necessary and healthy.  I would suggest increasing your physical activity to help exhaust your bodies.  The fact that you are relatively recently married makes this even harder to do... but spend some time on old fashioned dates of a sort.  Cook together, read a book together, have a movie night.  Try to find activities that you both enjoy and that don't lead you toward sin.  Think about those dates as something special.  Dress up, set the table nicely, make it special in other ways than sex.

Your husband, as head of the family, needs to learn to accept this too.  He might want to visit with your pastor and work on things himself.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)