Difficulty in Finding a Wife
#11
You should look into a book called No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. This book is not Catholic. It’s not anti Catholic or incompatible with Catholic teachings. It’s a book on how to turn off the “nice guy” attitude and make yourself more attractive. I don’t know what you look like but physical attraction goes a long way with finding a wife. Even if you are wanting a super orthodox trad wife. The quickest way to improve your physical appearance is diet and exercise. Even if you don’t have the best facial feature or you have a receding hairline, having a physically fit body goes a long way.

I was overweight most of college and high school. I had girlfriends but it didn’t last long. I was definitely a nice guy and always felt like the victim when relationships ended. After I graduated college I went on a strict diet and began lifting weights. Within a year I had so many women wanting to date me it got ridiculous. I ended up getting serious with a girlfriend and we eloped. 8 years later we are both traditional Catholics. I work and she stays at home with our two young children. If it can happen for me it can happen for you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply
#12
(12-19-2020, 04:35 PM)nightshade Wrote: It’s a book on how to turn off the “nice guy” attitude and make yourself more attractive.

Multiple women have remarked to me that I'm a "nice guy".  I'm sure that's a loaded remark, but I did always think it meant that I was doing something right.

Still, sounds interesting.  I'll try to get a copy.

(12-19-2020, 04:35 PM)nightshade Wrote: I don’t know what you look like but physical attraction goes a long way with finding a wife....Even if you don’t have the best facial feature or you have a receding hairline, having a physically fit body goes a long way. I was overweight most of college and high school... After I graduated college I went on a strict diet and began lifting weights. Within a year I had so many women wanting to date me it got ridiculous.

I have the opposite problem.  I'm so skinny, and have always been, that people have joked I'm anorexic.  Finding clothes that fit is such a huge challenge.  While I use to be a regular weightlifter, it gained me a bit more muscle tone but nothing enough to make any noticeable difference in my appearance.  Attempts I have made to gain weight have been fruitless, and really, I'm probably stuck with it by genetics.  My mother is pretty small, and my uncles are pretty lanky too.

As for the hair, I'll never have a problem there.  My grandfather still had a good head of hair until his death.  I have a hard time getting it to be styled in any fashion, though.

(12-19-2020, 04:35 PM)nightshade Wrote: Even if you are wanting a super orthodox trad wife.

Which I am, for the record.
Reply
#13
(12-19-2020, 12:47 PM)NSMSSS Wrote: One of my friends keeps pushing me to go to social events at the charismatic parish once they resume because there are always "so many beautiful single women there".  He insists I should not be concerned about differences in liturgical preferences, that such things will "sort themselves out", as if to say a woman would become so attached to me that she would abandon her liturgical attachments for traditional Catholicism, so radically different from her current environment.

You seem to be looking for what hiring managers call a "purple unicorn," in your case a deeply devout strictly Trad girl who is ready to marry in six months and agrees with you about everything.

Maybe you should take your friend up on his offer and reconsider.  You might find that you can compromise with liturgy.  As long as she follows the commandments and teachings of the Church and you think she'd be a good wife and mother, I wouldn't hinge an entire relationship on forecasting a lifelong commitment to going to Latin Mass together.  It's worth a shot, it's not like you have to marry her the second you see her.  The relative low population of single, young, traditional Catholics compared to the larger Catholic population is tiny.  However, that all being said, I do agree with you to avoid situations where you foresee such a difference in mindset and preference, that the relationship is not worth pursuing further.  But, you may wind up meeting a wonderful woman if you give it a shot.  

I am maybe a bit different than most Trads, but I don't turn myself off to the idea that I can learn from others who experience the faith differently.  Here I agree with Pope Francis that there should be joy in being a Catholic, and ultimately Christ gave us two great commandments to follow.  In the end, the greatest of all virtues is charity.  One's love for traditional Catholicism and the Latin Mass is best displayed through genuine charity and prayer.  You may inspire a young woman to follow you to Tradition if your manifestaion of it is rooted properly in virtue.  While there is always a time and place to discuss the evils of the world and the sad state of the Church, that can't be someone's entire faith life.  Romans 12:12, "Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer."
[-] The following 4 users Like LionHippo's post:
  • CatholicMamato5, Orthodox Andy, PilgrimMichelangelo, The Fairy
Reply
#14
(12-19-2020, 08:28 PM)LionHippo Wrote: You seem to be looking for what hiring managers call a "purple unicorn," in your case a deeply devout strictly Trad girl who is ready to marry in six months and agrees with you about everything.

No, I wouldn't say that.  In fact, such types I generally avoid because they have no sense of "ha-ha" (not that I wouldn't take such a woman if she displayed interest in me, though).

(12-19-2020, 08:28 PM)LionHippo Wrote: Maybe you should take your friend up on his offer and reconsider.  You might find that you can compromise with liturgy.

So, I did, what I would consider, a fair amount of compromise on the liturgy with my former girlfriend.  I attended the Novus Ordo at her parish once (and it was horrendous.  Add insult to injury that it was taking place in one of the most beautiful churches I have visited and was perfectly TLM-ready).  I attended Mass with Opus Dei and Opus Dei events, which always felt extremely uncomfortable given their high-pressure sales tactics they used trying to recruit members (this being done by her father as well.  Not exactly helping the situation.  I also think he didn't trust me because I am trad, but that's another story).  Attending the NO gets me crankier than a junkyard dog.  It's a long, separate discussion outside the scope of this thread, but it simply should never have been brought into existence, and I'm not going to settle for second-rate liturgy when the "mass of the ages" is at my disposal.

In addition, and this may be more personal experience than anything else, my mother joined up with a Protestant charismatic sect for the better part of twenty years (while still continuing to keep up with going to Mass weekly).  As I was poorly evangelized as so many others in the post-counciliar era, I followed her along for a while; and the bizarre and strange things I witnessed in the name of "worship" are too much to discuss here.  This "church" was founded by ex-Catholics who were into the "word of faith" and "prosperity gospel" (e.g. Kenneth Copeland, Creflo Dollar, Joyce Meyer, etc.), to add insult to injury.  I also once inadvertently signed up for a day-long charismatic Catholic event at my former parish, not knowing what was involved in this "day of recollection".  The same sort of bizarreness rendered itself, though at least on a bit more tame of a scale.

"Charismatic Catholicism" is a dangerous poison.

(12-19-2020, 08:28 PM)LionHippo Wrote: As long as she follows the commandments and teachings of the Church and you think she'd be a good wife and mother, I wouldn't hinge an entire relationship on forecasting a lifelong commitment to going to Latin Mass together.

I would, because as a priest and I have discussed at length together, the family liturgical life should be stable, should be in the context of one parish; and the children should not become confused by seeing wildly different liturgies, seeing such abuse as "liturgical dancing" in a Mass.  The Holy Sacrifice should not be abused in this way, and it would be a great scandal for one to not guard his children from such abuses.

On a slightly related note, my grandmother remarried a Protestant, who was known to do a bit of church-hopping during his life.  In my younger days, his "church" was the Nazarine church, and there were times I had joined them together there.  Wildly different from the Mass, I refused to go the "Sunday school" on future visits because I much didn't enjoy being made to do colouring sheets.  I also wondered why they didn't do communion every time I was there.  Much as I didn't take much to this kind of "church", it seemed to reenforce to me (along with no catechism teaching me otherwise) that all "churches" were equal.  All in all, children should not be shown what they don't need to see.

(12-19-2020, 08:28 PM)LionHippo Wrote: I am maybe a bit different than most Trads, but I don't turn myself off to the idea that I can learn from others who experience the faith differently.

That would you put different from myself, at least.  I want every Roman Catholic to abandon the NO and reclaim their heritage, their birthright, in the Tridentine Mass.  The NO should not exist.  I know realistically this isn't going to happen, but I am also not going to give implicit support to the NO by considering it OK to attend when a I have a TLM available (as a matter of full disclosure, yes, I would attend the NO if no other Mass was available to fulfil a Sunday obligation.  I also admit I would do so begrudgingly).

(12-19-2020, 08:28 PM)LionHippo Wrote: You may inspire a young woman to follow you to Tradition if your manifestaion of it is rooted properly in virtue.

It is possible, and this is what my friend seems to think; but as I explained earlier, I cannot think of anyone I have met who could be persuaded with a logical argument with regards to liturgy.  Case in point: There's another friend I know who I was tipped off would accept an invitation for a date if I asked her for one.  I hesitated because she's an adherent to the Ordinariate Mass (though she's not an Anglican convert but has always been a Roman.  I have no hostility towards the Ordinariate, though I've yet to attend their liturgy) and is very strong about not leaving her parish (she's also not much for "crazy rad trads".  Neither am I), and I know I'm not leaving the TLM.  We did meet up.  I tried to not make the encounter be considered a date, but as much as we got along well and had a good virtual conversation in the lead-up to it, it all fizzled right afterwards because we could both see the elephant in the room: irreconcilable liturgical differences.

Most people don't want to move on their fundamentals.
Reply
#15
NSMSSS - you’re doing the right thing by not compromising your fundamental position.  Don’t date pseudocatholics or saeculars.  No one knows what the future holds, but stick to what you can give an accounting for to your children at the general resurrection.  I hope you find what you seek.
[-] The following 2 users Like yablabo's post:
  • NSMSSS, The Fairy
Reply
#16
(12-19-2020, 09:34 PM)NSMSSS Wrote: Most people don't want to move on their fundamentals.

I see where you're coming from now that you discussed more of your experience growing up and with your former girlfriend and her family.  

Are you on twitter?  I go on occasionally, and once you start following some of the most popular Trads on there, you'll find a bunch of Trad people commenting.  Quite a few are younger single women.  Although, everyone is spread around geographically.  Wouldn't hurt to try.
Reply
#17
I don't know how much free time or money you have but i know SSPX has regular multi-day conferences. I would think some of the traditional orders do as well. 

An earlier poster suggested online forums such as twitter. This is a great way to strike up basic friendships with like minded people. I wouldn't limit these online friendships to marriageable women, I'd reach out and get to know anyone and everyone with whom I felt a rapport.

Then, when these conferences happen, and you are able to attend, you may find some of your online friends are going as well. This gives you an opportunity to deepen the friendship and perhaps meet that person's circle of friends.

When you have a network of friends, you just may find someone who is a possiibility. In my experience the more casual friendships you have, the more opportunity for closer friendships with a few, and the more opportunity to meet more and more likeminded people.

It helps a whole lot if you are free to attend larger trad gatherings.

I know someone who met a girlfriend this way. They had a 6 month long distance relationship. Then it just happened that he was offered a great promotion to relocate to where she lived. The relationship didn't last after he moved but he also made the move as a good career choice. He is one year out of college and makes $50k and is already moving up the ranks with a family owned business that is closed on Sundays. 

So just putting yourself out there can open many doors, not just ones for marriage.

I would say focus on making friends with good Trad Catholics your own age and all ages and you won't go wrong.
Reply
#18
(12-19-2020, 11:02 PM)LionHippo Wrote: Are you on twitter?

I am not.  I used to have an account for work-related purposes, but I could never get the hang of it, nor any other social media platform.  They're all so filled with so much misinformation these days concerning the "epidemic" as well, and ever since I got rid of my Facebook account and stopped reading the news, it has been doing wonders for not making me stark-raving mad or anxious.

Also, for the record, I don't own a smartphone, and my "dumb phone" does not have a data plan.  I know this is cutting me off the communications lines that most kids are using these days, but I wouldn't give up the technological isolation and all its benefits for more digital junk.

(12-20-2020, 12:48 AM)Ptochos Wrote: I don't know how much free time or money you have but i know SSPX has regular multi-day conferences. I would think some of the traditional orders do as well.

I am very leery of having any association with the SSPX as long as they remain canonically irregular.  Also, from what others have told me who know the SSPX better than I, I am probably not the type for SSPX women.  I wouldn't be considered "trad enough".

I know this and my statement above, as well as others in this thread, may prompt someone to say I am being too choosy on certain things and not "putting myself out there" or "doing what is necessary" to making myself known and available.  I recognize these can be drawbacks, but given that I did manage to gain a girlfriend and a lovely courtship though the channels I currently use, I can't say I'm in a hopeless spot.

(12-20-2020, 12:48 AM)Ptochos Wrote: An earlier poster suggested online forums such as twitter. This is a great way to strike up basic friendships with like minded people. I wouldn't limit these online friendships to marriageable women, I'd reach out and get to know anyone and everyone with whom I felt a rapport.

Well, that was my purpose in joining this forum...

(12-20-2020, 12:48 AM)Ptochos Wrote: When you have a network of friends, you just may find someone who is a possiibility. In my experience the more casual friendships you have, the more opportunity for closer friendships with a few, and the more opportunity to meet more and more likeminded people.

I agree with this approach, and it's one I intend to continue practicing.

(12-20-2020, 12:48 AM)Ptochos Wrote: It helps a whole lot if you are free to attend larger trad gatherings.

Well, when those resume, I'm all for that.

In the meantime, to demonstrate that I do "put my money where my mouth is", I have started hosting dinner parties with my friends at my apartment after my parish's Sunday high Mass because we're not allowed to use our hall right now as we used to after Mass; but we can legally gather in my bachelor pad.  Whatever works, I guess.  My friends are well aware that they should be inviting single women of the parish to these events.  Here's hoping they follow through on that at some point.
Reply
#19
I know your position about the SSPX and I'm not going to loose my time trying to convince you otherwise, but you can't put every SSPX faithfull in a single box. I've seen more "rad-trads" attending a licit Mass said by an Ecclesia Dei institute than attending the SSPX.
That being said, let's go back to your concerns about marriage.
From what I've seen in my SSPX priory, those young men who met women from the chapel were, and are, always those who happen to be "active" members; singing in the choir, helping in pilgrimages, assisting in all types of functions, serving as altar "boys"... always being "visible" and present.
Maybe you should try to do something like that, lending a hand and helping the priests and/or other parishioners to organize events and such, being an active member of your community.

As for your dinner parties, I'm not that supportive. Young men and women together, without supervision of elders and the presence of family members... it tends to be a recipy for disaster, or near occasions of sin.
Ite ad Ioseph
Reply
#20
(12-20-2020, 01:46 PM)Ioannes_L Wrote: From what I've seen in my SSPX priory, those young men who met women from the chapel were, and are, always those who happen to be "active" members; singing in the choir, helping in pilgrimages, assisting in all types of functions, serving as altar "boys"... always being "visible" and present.
Maybe you should try to do something like that, lending a hand and helping the priests and/or other parishioners to organize events and such, being an active member of your community.

I do this in the opportunities that present themselves. These days, it's checking in people since we're on the reservation system for Masses. I'm getting to know a lot of names this way!

(12-20-2020, 01:46 PM)Ioannes_L Wrote: As for your dinner parties, I'm not that supportive. Young men and women together, without supervision of elders and the presence of family members... it tends to be a recipy for disaster, or near occasions of sin.

More than half the people who show up are already married and one couple is even bringing their year-old daughter.

Plus, we're all adults here.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)