Blasphemous Thoughts That Stop Once I Sin & Return Right As I'm Absolved

[anthonyagony]

I'm struggling with intrusive blasphemous thoughts all the time, thoughts that take almost everything I think out of context, twisting it so it becomes blasphemous, and it's driving me neurotic to the point that I have a breakdown and turn against God and sin out of distress and frustration and guilt; which completely stops the thoughts, even after I repent. Until I actually confess... then the moment the priest starts to absolve me BAM they fire up again.

Not to mention, these thoughts intensify the closer I get to the Eucharist and become more aversive (sic?) and intense and sometimes sacrilegious.

[SacraCor714]

Sometimes, what we think is beyond our control. Thoughts pop into out heads all the time and we really can't do anything about it. As long as you do not PURPOSELY dwell on these thoughts, they are not sinful. You may be running with some bad thought for five minutes before you make a conscious realization that you do not wish to think these bad thoughts. Say aloud, "Lord, I reject these bad thoughts in the most powerful name of Jesus Christ" and go about your day. It is difficult, I know, especially if you struggle with scrupulosity, which it appears you do (as do I). We wonder "did I really consent to that bad thought?!" and then torture ourselves for hours and days and weeks trying to figure out if we're in mortal sin or not. 

Seek out a good confessor and go to confession whenever you feel you need to.  I struggle with sins of impurity, and I know at least for me there is a tendency for me to rush to confession immediately after sinning because "I'm in a state of mortal sin and I have to go immediately or I will be damned to hell forever." I ended up going to confession 5-6 times per week, sometimes twice in a day. It drove me nuts, and it really didn't help me stop sinning, either, ironically, because I would just say to myself "whatever, I can just go to confession tomorrow" and then sin anyway. 

If the above situation I described applies to you, I would recommend only going to confession every 2-3 weeks or whatever your confessor recommends. Sometimes, not being able to get to confession is a good motivator to keep away from sin, but even if that doesn't work, it is a good reminder of how dependent we are on God and how much He loves us, for He continues to care for us even when we have sinned. In this case, make a good act of contrition and continue on as if you have never sinned, as is described in this gem of a book that I highly recommend you purchase. It really helped me. 

Above all, remember this: Satan loves to cause anxiety, shame, and lack of peace. Do whatever you can to remain peaceful and trust in God, because that is the best weapon you have against Satan, and will allow you to be more open to the great graces that God wants to give you. God loves you so much, and He does not want His son to suffer anxiety and be afraid of Him. Even St. Paul had a thorn in his side (who knows what kind of sin this may have stood for, but knowing Paul's tumultuous and murderous past, it's not unreasonable to think it was related somehow to sins against the flesh. 


Also, I remember you mentioning in previous posts that you struggle with health and mental issues. If you feel desperate enough, might I suggest the carnivore diet? I was on it for three months (then got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness so I stopped), and felt a drastic reduction if not complete elimination of a host of metabolism and mental health concerns. My close friend who struggled with bipolar disorder was able to stop taking her medication after being on carnivore for five months. She is almost completely normal now, and no doctor can understand it. 

You are in our prayers, and this forum is always here to help you. 

[newenglandsun]

I'm struggling with intrusive blasphemous thoughts all the time, thoughts that take almost everything I think out of context, twisting it so it becomes blasphemous, and it's driving me neurotic to the point that I have a breakdown and turn against God and sin out of distress and frustration and guilt; which completely stops the thoughts, even after I repent. Until I actually confess... then the moment the priest starts to absolve me BAM they fire up again.

Not to mention, these thoughts intensify the closer I get to the Eucharist and become more aversive (sic?) and intense and sometimes sacrilegious.

It should be noted that any time you turn away from God or think not on God, you are sinning. Realistically, you are sinning all the time. These thoughts trouble you so this is good. I would recommend confessing them.

[Gondothlim 2]

I'm struggling with intrusive blasphemous thoughts all the time, thoughts that take almost everything I think out of context, twisting it so it becomes blasphemous, and it's driving me neurotic to the point that I have a breakdown and turn against God and sin out of distress and frustration and guilt; which completely stops the thoughts, even after I repent. Until I actually confess... then the moment the priest starts to absolve me BAM they fire up again.

Not to mention, these thoughts intensify the closer I get to the Eucharist and become more aversive (sic?) and intense and sometimes sacrilegious.

It should be noted that any time you turn away from God or think not on God, you are sinning. Realistically, you are sinning all the time. These thoughts trouble you so this is good. I would recommend confessing them.

Wait what?

[Mr. Cowboy]

Well, you're not alone. That's all I can say.

[Roamin]

I found your post to be quite helpful and I ordered the Father's book.

[Evangelium]

It should be noted that any time you turn away from God or think not on God, you are sinning. Realistically, you are sinning all the time. These thoughts trouble you so this is good. I would recommend confessing them.

I'm sorry, but I think this advice is way off base, except possibly the advice to confess blasphemous thoughts.  He is not "sinning all the time" if he's not thinking about God. And he should not even confess the blasphemous thoughts if they are not willed by him.

Anthony, I recommend the book How to Resist Temptation, by Fr. Francis Remler.  It will help you to distinguish temptations and sins.  (Temptations are not sins.) He discusses intrusive thoughts.  I think the book will give you some peace.

[TruthWhichIsChrist]

I like Fr Quadrupani, Light and Peace. Pre-1923 on archive.org. There is a chapter about scruples, and one about interior peace. And one about confession.