Prayer for Michael
#1
As you all may have gleaned from my brief time on FE I have been struggling greatly not only with Orthodoxy these last few years but also with discerning the Catholic Faith. Lately I have been sorely tempted to just walk away from any form of Christianity altogether or to be like the poet Milton and become a religion of one. 

Behind this interior warfare is also a series of seemingly incurable emotional and mental health issues (not the least of which is anxiety/depression) which I have tried treating with many different methods, from supplements to counseling to ascetism to lifestyle change to changing my environment to changing my will and perspective.  I have now reached the point where even my therapist has said that perhaps this is just my Cross to bear and the deep wounds and sinful passions have been given to me for my salvation. 

Winter has historically been a trying season for me and this winter is testing me to my limits. I may have to move soon and can only afford minimal rent on my apprentice wage which raises my stress level to maximum.  

Please pray for me as everything feels overwhelming and Our Lord feels so far away.

O Jesus Crucified and Risen for our salvation, have mercy upon me.
"Orthodoxy is not so much a matter of the head. It is something living, and it's of the heart." --Bl. Seraphim of Platina

"Beauty will save the world." --Fyodor Dostoevsky

"You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd." --Flannery O'Connor
[-] The following 1 user Likes PilgrimMichelangelo's post:
  • ActusFidei313
Reply
#2
I apologize in advance if I'm sounding  selfish, projecting, and/or assuming too much about your situation.

You say you have anxiety and depression.  May I ask if you have the tendency to go to extremes when trying to change your perspectives, lifestyle, and engagements with asceticism(anxiety and depression can often make you think you're not doing the bare minimum even if you are going to extremes)?  If so you might be burning yourself out.  

Trying to discern whether the Orthodox or Catholic Church is the True Church is not an easy task and is easy to obsess over.  The position where you question if you're in the right communion can be heart breaking(especially if you're the type who hops to thinking your action comes from either you being of bad will or of being abandoned by God).

Whether you are discerning your communion or trying to fight off sin realize this, both the Orthodox and Catholic churches say the God is a loving and merciful God.  He knows your life situation, He knows whatever physical or mental problems you have, and He loves you and desires to be with you in eternity.  If you continuously and sincerely ask Him for your salvation God will not abandon you no matter how many times you fall.

Don't over burden yourself while you're already having to deal with the stressful process of moving(you can only have so much energy).  That's enough to deal with for the moment.
[-] The following 1 user Likes MacPasquale's post:
  • PilgrimMichelangelo
Reply
#3
(02-23-2021, 11:50 PM)MacPasquale Wrote: I apologize in advance if I'm sounding  selfish, projecting, and/or assuming too much about your situation.

You say you have anxiety and depression.  May I ask if you have the tendency to go to extremes when trying to change your perspectives, lifestyle, and engagements with asceticism(anxiety and depression can often make you think you're not doing the bare minimum even if you are going to extremes)?  If so you might be burning yourself out.  

Trying to discern whether the Orthodox or Catholic Church is the True Church is not an easy task and is easy to obsess over.  The position where you question if you're in the right communion can be heart breaking(especially if you're the type who hops to thinking your action comes from either you being of bad will or of being abandoned by God).

Whether you are discerning your communion or trying to fight off sin realize this, both the Orthodox and Catholic churches say the God is a loving and merciful God.  He knows your life situation, He knows whatever physical or mental problems you have, and He loves you and desires to be with you in eternity.  If you continuously and sincerely ask Him for your salvation God will not abandon you no matter how many times you fall.

Don't over burden yourself while you're already having to deal with the stressful process of moving(you can only have so much energy).  That's enough to deal with for the moment.

You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you for putting things back into perspective. 

Yes, I do have a tendency to go to extremes with most things. Immoderation in everything being a principle vice in my soul which I have trying to gently curtail into moderation which is no small matter. 

My heart has been breaking for a very long time with fresh temptations seemingly daily over the matter of Orthodoxy vs Catholicism. Sometimes my heart feels like a veritable St. Sebastian (minus the holiness) and feels like it can no longer bear another arrow piercing to its core. That is when prayer to the Christ comes and I recall His Crucifixion and suffering humanity, either that or I try and numb my pain with various substances or experiences and then sink deeper into my own personal well of misery. 

God bless you for reminding me of His merciful love.
"Orthodoxy is not so much a matter of the head. It is something living, and it's of the heart." --Bl. Seraphim of Platina

"Beauty will save the world." --Fyodor Dostoevsky

"You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd." --Flannery O'Connor
[-] The following 1 user Likes PilgrimMichelangelo's post:
  • MacPasquale
Reply
#4
I am sorry that you are suffering so much.  I will offer my rosary for you this evening.
The Gospel is traditional.
[-] The following 1 user Likes Evangelium's post:
  • PilgrimMichelangelo
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)