My wife apologized, yet it still really hurts
#11
Well...everything IS always the husband's fault, even when it isn't. :-)

The more I dwell on fault and whose it is, the less well things tend to go.

This has helped me enormously in my marriage, among other things:


Litany of Humility

Author: Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val y Zulueta



O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,



Hear me.



From the desire of being esteemed,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being loved,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being extolled,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being honored,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being praised,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being preferred to others,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being consulted,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the desire of being approved,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being humiliated,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being despised,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of suffering rebukes,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being calumniated,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being forgotten,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being ridiculed,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being wronged,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



From the fear of being suspected,



Deliver me, O Jesus.



That others may be loved more than I,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That others may be esteemed more than I,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That others may be chosen and I set aside,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That others may be preferred to me in everything,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.



That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,



Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Charity



Charity is patient, is kind; charity does not envy, is not pretentious, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, is not self-seeking, is not provoked; thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth, bears with all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13:4-7).



To have Charity is to love God above all things for Himself and be ready to renounce all created things rather than offend Him by serious sin. ( Matt. 22:36-40)



Cardinal Merry del Val was the Secretary of State to Pope Saint Pius X (1903-1914)
“But all will be well, and all will be well, and every kind of thing will be well.” ~Julian of Norwich

"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug."~Mark Knopfler (?)

"No matter who you are somebody thinks you're a heretic. Wear it like a badge of honor........... :LOL:"~Silouan
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#12
(03-01-2021, 10:00 AM)VoxClamantis Wrote: This page might help you out some. I hope so, anyway: https://www.fisheaters.com/nontradfamily.html

thanks for sharing this, I will absorb all of this when I get home tonight!
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#13
(03-01-2021, 10:56 AM)Julia Augusta Wrote:
(02-28-2021, 11:50 PM)Machabeus Wrote: All my life I’ve felt close to the Blessed Virgin Mary, feeling a special love for her throughout my life. Recently I discovered the *Scapular* and discovered how satisfying it was getting enrolled and how complimentary pleasing it is to my rosary obsession wearing it, it’s as if I was meant for it. My wife is Protestant., the morning after my enrolment (Not really paying attention much to what I say) came downstairs while I was working out and said...

‘You went to bed with that?, so now you're going to wear that ugly square thing for the rest of your life?' 

It is extremely exhausting being married to an insensitive person. I feel like turning the other cheek achieves nothing. I confronted her later on and she acted like she hasn’t said anything that wrong. Ugh!
It’s like way to go and attach a sad memory to it.
You should keep praying. Pray until your teeth fall out, especially for your wife, not just for yourself. You have said that she’s insensitive and that you’re suffering. Think of her suffering forever in eternity in hell. That’s way worse than what you’re feeling right now. I know it’s difficult to imagine. I’m married to a Jewish guy (I came back to the church in 2017 after 40 yrs away) and my husband doesn’t even believe in God as in the God of Jacob and Moses and Elias. Fortunately he does love going to beautiful Catholic churches and he loves Assisi and the cell of St. Thomas Aquinas in Naples. I pray for him every single day because I know hell is so terrible that you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy. Miracles happen all the time. This month pray to Saint Joseph. He’s a totally amazing Saint. He really delivers.

Thank you for sharing!
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#14
There was a time when my wife was no particular religion (but kinda sorta protestant) and I was a Catholic father trying to raise his children in the Catholic faith. My wife acquiesced to my wishes but did nothing to support them. She gave me a hard time sometimes. Imagine having your child tell you that "mommy told me that you use the same hand to cross your self as the one you wipe your xxx with." I kept praying and went out of my way not to proselytize her; only asking her to tone it down when her anti-Catholic horns came out. To my surprise, one day the wife announced wanting to convert and eventually did. God Bless you.
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#15
(03-01-2021, 11:18 AM)SacraCor714 Wrote: It hurts me to hear this. I’m very sorry that your wife is so insensitive. I’m not trying to jump to her defense, but I will say that sometimes we women speak our minds without realizing how much it hurts our husbands. I had a similar problem. I used to just speak aloud whatever was on my mind, filtered or not, and didn’t realize how deeply it hurt my husband. I only came around because my husband was honest with me and telling me how much it hurt him. If your wife truly loves you, she will understand how much her insensitive words hurt you, and she will stop, or at least make a serious effort to change her behavior.

I don’t know how long you have been married, but it is also sadly possible that your wife is just an insensitive person in general, and no matter what you say, she will hold it against you, deny any wrongdoing, and refuse to change. Sadly, I know a lot of women like this, and they sabotage their own marriages and destroy the very man they have pledged to love for the rest of their lives. The poison of feminism runs deep in nearly every woman’s heart. It takes time, patience, and humility for the woman to realize and accept  that her behavior is wrong and change it. Very sadly, many women never get to this point. It is only by the grace of God and I was able to realize how selfish I was being in my marriage, and correct it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems from the limited information you gave in your post that it is possible your wife has an alpha personality. If you also have an alpha personality, it can cause great conflict in your marriage. They properly ordered way of course, is to have an alpha male and a beta female. However, feminism and our modern culture have conditioned women to become alphas, to be combative and controlling, and never take no for an answer. Alpha women are extremely difficult to be married to, so if this is indeed the case with your wife, you have my deepest sympathy and prayers.

I wish I had more advice to give you, but as a woman, I know how stubborn women can be and how resistant we are to change, especially when it comes to our behavior in our marriage. We have been conditioned by the culture to believe that women can do no wrong, and that everything  is always the husband’s fault. It is truly a severe form of penance to be married to a woman like this. However, there is a bright side to this, even though it may not be necessarily pleasant. This is a great opportunity for you to purify your love for Christ through suffering. Furthermore, think of it this way; God is giving you an opportunity to live out your Purgatory on Earth, a gift that He only gives to His most beloved sons.

You have my prayers, and of course this forum will always be here to support you. I wish I could help you more. God bless.

...you nailed it 100%! Lol, thank you so much I appreciate your reply.
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#16
I grew up in a home where there was a great deal of religious tension.  My mother professed to be Catholic but it was more moral theraputic deism mixed with a good dose of hippy crap.  My dad recently commented that he has been struggling to save both his marriage and his soul for many years.  It was a weird place to be: watching it all unfold, keenly aware of the tension between my parents, and seeing the sort of disparaging remarks you have experienced from your wife.  Here's what I would say: as long as there is life, there is hope of conversion.  Never Stop Praying.  Never.  Pray for your wife and sacrifice for her.  Also, know you are not alone in experiencing that kind of hostility to your faith.  Offer your sufferings to Christ in reparation for your wife's sins.  Offer your love, constancy and dedication: it is a beautiful sacrifice to give.   

FYI - My parents are still fighting about religion and they are almost 50 years married.  I have come to believe that if the nuns that educated my mother taught her any of the garbage she spouts on a regular basis, they are in serious trouble with Our Lord.  I suspect it came from her own family though; I hear my grandmother's voice in her comments quite regularly.  And so I pray - a lot.  I hope that ignorance counts for something, though how she can not know so much about her supposed faith is quite beyond me.
Adoption, Home School, and Catholic Family Life:  StolenPears.com
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#17
(03-01-2021, 10:00 AM)VoxClamantis Wrote: This page might help you out some. I hope so, anyway: https://www.fisheaters.com/nontradfamily.html

Thank you so much for sharing this!, Excellent read; puts a great smile on my face :))
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#18
I know this might sound like strange advice, but don’t try to “convince” your wife. Trying to convince people of something is almost never successful. You’d be far better off praying and fasting for her enlightenment and conversion. Your wife (and others) will be inspired by you when they see you living a joyful and holy life, free from the worries of this world as you place your trust entirely in Christ. It’s hard work. It requires that you always maintain a constant, prayerful awareness of God’s Presence. 

Yes, there’s a time to correct someone who sins. But, let’s be honest: how often do we really “correct others” with the sole intention of loving God perfectly, and truly wanting the sinner to be converted and healed? I know my past has been filled with moments of “warning” sinners, when, in fact, it was likely just a prideful desire to be right.
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