I Need Advice for Dealing with Despair
#1
Hello,

I’ve recently turned Trad and thought I was making real progress in my spiritual life but recently I feel like I’m back to square one. 

I’m a cradle Catholic from a lukewarm Novus Ordo family and wasn’t properly catechized. I lived a very worldly existence (meaning I’ve racked up innumerable mortal sins) before deep depression led me back to Holy Mother Church and recently to Traditionalism. I am praying more, studying more, and living out the Faith more than ever before. 

But recently it’s come to my attention that I did not properly confess all of my mortal sins before jumping back into Catholicism. Meaning that I’ve been in a state of mortal sin this entire time. This makes me incredibly upset because all of the graces I thought I was receiving feel “fake” now. All those warm feelings of peace and comfort from the mass, Eucharist, praying, and spiritual reading was just my imagination. How can I ever know what it truly feels like to be in a state of grace and recognize God working in my life if I was so convinced that I already was this whole time? Why didn’t He let me know that I was making Him so angry by receiving Eucharist in a state of mortal sin? Depressing.

Additionally, I’ve recently read a sermon by St. Leonard of Port Maurice called The Little Number of Those Who Are Saved (which was posted on RTF’s Twitter page recently.) It states that only about 5 out of every 33,000 Catholic adults are saved. There was also another sermon by him (I think, it’s also on RTF’s Twitter) saying that most Catholic priests are damned. How could someone read this stuff and not despair? I’m still begging God to help me stop habitually committing mortal sins of impurity and here I read that most priests are damned. Great. Feels hopeless. How could I not feel as though God is “out to get me”?

So it seems as though I am in despair (another mortal sin, right?) What is the remedy? The only thing I can think of is setting up a private confession ASAP to go over all the mortal sins of my whole life. Hopefully then I will be in a state of grace. 

Any input you have would be appreciated. Apologies if this post is too angsty, but that’s just where I’m at emotionally right now. 

Please pray for me, thank you.
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#2
(04-07-2021, 05:57 PM)AdmiresAquinas Wrote: Hello,

I’ve recently turned Trad and thought I was making real progress in my spiritual life but recently I feel like I’m back to square one. 

Please pray for me, thank you.

Keep in mind the three conditions necessary to make something an actual mortal sin.  If you did not meet all of those conditions all those years, the forgiveness you have already received should be sufficient.  But, it is probably still a good idea to see a priest if something is weighing on your conscience.

Also, try not to put complete stock in estimates of the numbers saved, even if opined by a saint.  Engage in the battle of prayer as spelled out in the catechism.  Find a good prayer rule for yourself but don't over-complicate things.  Stay close to the sacraments.  Follow the commandments, live the beatitudes, and always remember the two greatest commands of Christ.  I will keep you in my prayers.
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#3
Ask a traditional priest to schedule a time to make a general confession, in which you will confess every mortal sin you've committed since you were baptized (or since your last general confession). Ask the priest how you should prepare. Pray a novena to the Holy Spirit to help enlighten your examinations of conscience. Ask Our Lady and St. Joseph to give you courage and wisdom. Then make your general confession.

Then do your penance, thank God, and eat some mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Also, don't worry about how many people will be saved; they're not your responsibility. Pray to St. Joseph for the grace of a happy death, do spiritual reading and mental prayer every day. Take specific actions to remove occasions of sin, and beg for the strength to persevere in grace. 

It's good to see how broken we are, but don't let that turn into despair. Read something lighter like St. Therese of Lisieux if you need a change of pace.
Dissolve frigus ligna super foco
large reponens atque benignius
     deprome quadrimum Sabina,
          O Thaliarche, merum diota.

Permitte divis cetera...
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#4
When you went to Confession and received Holy Communion previously, were you deliberately holding back information you knew to be mortal sin? If you weren’t holding anything back, then your sins were forgiven. If you’re “not sure”: would you feel comfortable placing your hand upon the Holy Scriptures and saying, “Yes, I deliberately withheld mortal sins in Confession, and then, knowing that I’d done so, received Holy Communion anyway”? I have a hard time believing the latter to be the case. 

Also, keep in mind that the spiritual life takes time and hard work. Yes, if you ever sin mortally (viz. a grave sin committed with full knowledge, and full consent of the will) you need to endeavour to make a perfect act of contrition, and get to Confession as soon as possible.

On that topic, seek to make acts of perfect contrition constantly. A humble and contrite heart, asking God for mercy is a good place to be. Be assured of my prayers, and welcome home!
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#5
I offered my rosary for you this evening.
The Gospel is traditional.
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#6
I'm beginning to think a guide is needed for this kind of situation, it seems to crop up often. Heaven knows I've been there.

Firstly, if you did a valid confession before returning to the sacraments it doesn't matter how many sins you forgot you are still in a state of grace. Try to remember as many as you can and if any mortal ones come up in your mind later just make a mental note to confess them the next time you go. If you try to account for every single thing you did in the past you'll go insane, trust me on that. I repeat, do NOT harp on the past.

Secondly, those feelings weren't fake at all. Even before I came back to the fold I started seeing signs that I should return. Nothing brings greater joy to God than to see more of His children be saved, and even those outside may find certain things leading them to His Church. It's difficult to describe but you'll know the feeling of grace when it comes. It might depart for a time but it will come back after prayer and meditation.

Thirdly, be careful not to put too much in store with any one particular saint. No one can definitively say who is in heaven or even exactly how many go and depending on the saints you'll find the numbers being higher or lower. There have been saints in the same era who believed different people were popes at the same time, and even Aquinas was wrong about Mary's Immaculate Conception. Saints were still human.

Fourthly, do not be so quick to despair simply because you see traditionalist sources preach a lot of fire. These days the majority of priests focus so much on God's love to the point that His Justice and hell are forgotten, so naturally you'll see a lot of trads try to make up for it. Unfortunately that can sometimes come at the price of failing to present His Mercy which will make the scrupulous a bit fearful. Continue to do your best and improve in prayer and meditation and I promise you He will not leave you to the flames even if you should find yourself in the worst situations.
With no king to rule me I owe my fealty only to God.
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#7
go to your gp and tell him/her this
get a prescription
old priest
i suffer from all seasonal affected disabilities but if you are feeling desperate tell your doctor
pills are not bad
the Lord GOD Almighty has given us reason
your doctor has been given power over you
pills are good
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#8
(04-07-2021, 05:57 PM)AdmiresAquinas Wrote: Hello,

I’ve recently turned Trad and thought I was making real progress in my spiritual life but recently I feel like I’m back to square one. 

I’m a cradle Catholic from a lukewarm Novus Ordo family and wasn’t properly catechized. I lived a very worldly existence (meaning I’ve racked up innumerable mortal sins) before deep depression led me back to Holy Mother Church and recently to Traditionalism. I am praying more, studying more, and living out the Faith more than ever before. 

But recently it’s come to my attention that I did not properly confess all of my mortal sins before jumping back into Catholicism. Meaning that I’ve been in a state of mortal sin this entire time. This makes me incredibly upset because all of the graces I thought I was receiving feel “fake” now. All those warm feelings of peace and comfort from the mass, Eucharist, praying, and spiritual reading was just my imagination. How can I ever know what it truly feels like to be in a state of grace and recognize God working in my life if I was so convinced that I already was this whole time? Why didn’t He let me know that I was making Him so angry by receiving Eucharist in a state of mortal sin? Depressing.

Additionally, I’ve recently read a sermon by St. Leonard of Port Maurice called The Little Number of Those Who Are Saved (which was posted on RTF’s Twitter page recently.) It states that only about 5 out of every 33,000 Catholic adults are saved. There was also another sermon by him (I think, it’s also on RTF’s Twitter) saying that most Catholic priests are damned. How could someone read this stuff and not despair? I’m still begging God to help me stop habitually committing mortal sins of impurity and here I read that most priests are damned. Great. Feels hopeless. How could I not feel as though God is “out to get me”?

So it seems as though I am in despair (another mortal sin, right?) What is the remedy? The only thing I can think of is setting up a private confession ASAP to go over all the mortal sins of my whole life. Hopefully then I will be in a state of grace. 

Any input you have would be appreciated. Apologies if this post is too angsty, but that’s just where I’m at emotionally right now. 

Please pray for me, thank you.


You have already gotten sage advice.  I will only add my prayers.  God bless you.
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#9
I mean, the solution seems incredibly obvious from an outside perspective: get thee to confession.
"O Charles the Great, we beseech you to make that day arrive soon when society, re-established at its foundations, will cease asking liberty and order from the revolutions."
Prayer to Charlemagne the Great (de confirmatione cultus), by Dom Prosper Guéranger
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#10
I'll add that it might do you some good to inject some levity into your life. Read something that makes you laugh, like Evelyn Waugh or P.G. Wodehouse. Go on a hike with friends, or hang out at a bonfire. Take care of your soul by use of prayer and the sacraments, but lighten up a little bit. Trust me, you'll be happier.
Dissolve frigus ligna super foco
large reponens atque benignius
     deprome quadrimum Sabina,
          O Thaliarche, merum diota.

Permitte divis cetera...
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