Enjoying life again
#1
Lately, I have lost interest in the world. I no longer enjoy doing things anymore and life has become like a waiting room. Life has lost its savor. I mostly spend my days on the computer, even THAT has lost its savor, and I may very well reside to spending my days in my room. 

I came to the conclusion a couple years ago that all that you do in life is vain, that the world would not be enough, and I concluded that there was no difference between sitting in your room and exploring the world, because in the grand scheme of things, it means nothing. I was an atheist at the time, but I still hold that conviction. Now life has become dull and uninviting
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#2
Can you please describe an average day for me, mate?
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#3
Have you considered donating some of your time to your fellow man? You might be feeling like life has lost its savor and means nothing because you're focusing too closely on yourself. Maybe volunteer somewhere?
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#4
(05-03-2021, 07:55 PM)Macksbeard Wrote: Can you please describe an average day for me, mate?
I wake up around 6, and spend much of my day on the computer, broken by prayer and eating and house chores. The only thing that has kept me entertained, military, and I am forced to watch cat videos. The fact is, it is not Him. I COULD go outside, but nature is not Him, only likenesses. All of creation, bores me, because it is not Him. I don't enjoy food like I used, though I do like a bit. The world is passing and I hate the world because of it. If someone offered me a million dollars, I would either donate it or throw it away. I used to like writing, it no longer interests. I used to like painting, no more. I used to like puzzles, no more. Painting is vain. Writing is vain. Puzzles are vain. Vain. Vain. Vain. I used to to be interested in girls even, with lust. But I find even the idea of sex and romance....boring. I have been trying to watch videos on military games, yet that is failing. Soon I will just be in my room, sleeping. I have no real friends in the faith, this board is a big reason why I even STILL use the computer. If I when I get a job, I would likely be working say a grocery store or something, working for money. I would rather be paid in wisdom or knowledge instead of scrip. I see no difference. Am I wrong?
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#5
(05-03-2021, 08:08 PM)Tambourine Wrote: Have you considered donating some of your time to your fellow man? You might be feeling like life has lost its savor and means nothing because you're focusing too closely on yourself. Maybe volunteer somewhere?
I am not able to do as much as I like, because I do not know how to drive, and depend on people driving me to places. I might as well be a hermit at this point.
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#6
You are to know, love and serve God with all your being.

Know Him. Raise yourself to an elevated plane of existence: make your life a prayer. Do everything EVERYTHING for Him and to please Him. Close your eyes. He's there. In you. Around you. He fills me. he fills you. He fills everyone. He fills the world.

Love Him. Reach out to Him. Feel Him. Smile. He loves you.

Serve Him. He is poor, He is the people at the soup kitchen: feed Him, clothe Him, give Him drink! He is alone, He is the imprisoned. Visit Him. Hug Him. He is afraid, He is the elderly who are in social isolation. Unite yourself to Him in prayer. Unite yourself to Him with your life.

God is in you, and right this moment He is breathing into you the breath of life. Feel Him in the blood rushing through your veins. Know Him through the knowledge passed down through His Church, in the beauty you find in Nature, in the goodness evidenced throughout the world. Take a deep breath. Lord, your servant is listening. Lord, I will go where you lead me.
:monstrance:Deo Gratias et Ave Maria! :monstrance:
Pray the Rosary

A Dieu mon ame,
Mon arme au roi,
Mon Coeur a la dame,
Mon honneur a moi!
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#7
You don’t have to just sit inside or need to have wanderlust to explore the world. Go outside for a walk, take a jog or something. Take the dog for a walk. Go for a bike ride. Don’t sit inside 24/7 and rot. I’m not saying you do “rot” but you need to take the confidence to “step outside yourself.” When I was going through medication adjustments and mental suffering of waiting to be properly diagnosed, I had to learn that not only was it okay to take time off for myself-but that I also had to learn to step outside myself in order to make improvements in my life. 

Every day is still a constant struggle with me, with the extreme stress from work, looking for a new job, the ups and downs of my bipolar II disorder, my waves of confidence, my absolute struggle with being stuck in-between agnosticism and Catholicism, all the “noise” in my brain, being unable to focus at liturgy, seeing my physical appearance as ugly, low self-esteem. The struggle with myself won’t end until I die. I really want to see my boyfriend more but he is even more quiet and reserved than I am, and works 12 hour shifts. I want time for myself and time to spend with him.

I don’t feel like I can relate to anyone. I know people with Aspergers and others that are somewhere “on the spectrum.” They’ve told me that they “see” Aspergers or some sort of adult autism. Aspergers is under-diagnosed in girls; pretty much all Aspergers studies and research is done in boys. Not too much has been talked about with girls. I’ve talked to both my psychiatrist and therapist about whether I show symptoms of some sort of autism, but it’s almost impossible to diagnose as an adult. All the Aspergers men that get to know me very well swear I’m “on the spectrum.” But who knows.
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#8
(05-03-2021, 08:11 PM)Anon777 Wrote:
(05-03-2021, 07:55 PM)Macksbeard Wrote: Can you please describe an average day for me, mate?
I wake up around 6, and spend much of my day on the computer, broken by prayer and eating and house chores. The only thing that has kept me entertained, military, and I am forced to watch cat videos. The fact is, it is not Him. I COULD go outside, but nature is not Him, only likenesses. All of creation, bores me, because it is not Him. I don't enjoy food like I used, though I do like a bit. The world is passing and I hate the world because of it. If someone offered me a million dollars, I would either donate it or throw it away. I used to like writing, it no longer interests. I used to like painting, no more. I used to like puzzles, no more. Painting is vain. Writing is vain. Puzzles are vain. Vain. Vain. Vain. I used to to be interested in girls even, with lust. But I find even the idea of sex and romance....boring. I have been trying to watch videos on military games, yet that is failing. Soon I will just be in my room, sleeping. I have no real friends in the faith, this board is a big reason why I even STILL use the computer. If I when I get a job, I would likely be working say a grocery store or something, working for money. I would rather be paid in wisdom or knowledge instead of scrip. I see no difference. Am I wrong?

OK.  This gives me a better idea.  Whilst you losing your taste for the world resembles detachment and aspects of the Dark Night of the Senses - I've also noted you can't use your imagination - the fact that you can't see Him behind through his Creation makes me think depression could be at play.  This needs to be properly discerned so you can be guided forward.

This is not something to be done on an online forum.

I prayed both the Stations of the Cross for you and went in and out of Contemplation.  I received two 'Words' for you.

The first is I'd recommend YouCat for you.  Check out their website.  They have a daily app, and sell a simplified Bible and Catechism, where the ideas are explained in a simpler language for younger people, as well as tasks and illustrations to help grasp the more confusing concepts.  The books are available on Amazon.

https://www.youcat.org/

The second Word is that I want you to spend a few days praying to God for a Spiritual Director.  I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the intention of finding the right person for you.  You need 'hands on' help, rather than asking the opinion of various people online, particularly for discerning the possibility - and yes, it would be unusual but i'm not ruling it out - that God understands your cognitive issues and is leading you by an extraordinary way.  The right director can tell you if you're dealing with depression.  I'd ask anyone reading to please also pray for this intention for Anon.

When you feel read, phone or email your Diocese and honestly state your issues with autism, and ask if the Priests could ask around for a Priest or Director who is experienced with working with people who need simpler forms of direction.

Because you are asking God to intervene for you, you will need to cooperate with his action, and accept whomever Divine Providence provides for you, without giving into fears that they're 'Satanic' or 'Freemasons' or not holy enough.  Go into direction humbly, not looking for how the Priests might be in error, but ready to listen with the spirit of charity.  It's also possible you might be sent to a religious brother or sister in your area.  They should be able to correctly suggest how to advance through the darkness you currently find yourself in.  Understand that Darkness isn't always negative in the spiritual life - it can be a sign of the purification of the intellect by God.
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#9
(05-03-2021, 09:49 PM)Macksbeard Wrote:
(05-03-2021, 08:11 PM)Anon777 Wrote:
(05-03-2021, 07:55 PM)Macksbeard Wrote: Can you please describe an average day for me, mate?
I wake up around 6, and spend much of my day on the computer, broken by prayer and eating and house chores. The only thing that has kept me entertained, military, and I am forced to watch cat videos. The fact is, it is not Him. I COULD go outside, but nature is not Him, only likenesses. All of creation, bores me, because it is not Him. I don't enjoy food like I used, though I do like a bit. The world is passing and I hate the world because of it. If someone offered me a million dollars, I would either donate it or throw it away. I used to like writing, it no longer interests. I used to like painting, no more. I used to like puzzles, no more. Painting is vain. Writing is vain. Puzzles are vain. Vain. Vain. Vain. I used to to be interested in girls even, with lust. But I find even the idea of sex and romance....boring. I have been trying to watch videos on military games, yet that is failing. Soon I will just be in my room, sleeping. I have no real friends in the faith, this board is a big reason why I even STILL use the computer. If I when I get a job, I would likely be working say a grocery store or something, working for money. I would rather be paid in wisdom or knowledge instead of scrip. I see no difference. Am I wrong?

OK.  This gives me a better idea.  Whilst you losing your taste for the world resembles detachment and aspects of the Dark Night of the Senses - I've also noted you can't use your imagination - the fact that you can't see Him behind through his Creation makes me think depression could be at play.  This needs to be properly discerned so you can be guided forward.

This is not something to be done on an online forum.

I prayed both the Stations of the Cross for you and went in and out of Contemplation.  I received two 'Words' for you.

The first is I'd recommend YouCat for you.  Check out their website.  They have a daily app, and sell a simplified Bible and Catechism, where the ideas are explained in a simpler language for younger people, as well as tasks and illustrations to help grasp the more confusing concepts.  The books are available on Amazon.

https://www.youcat.org/

The second Word is that I want you to spend a few days praying to God for a Spiritual Director.  I prayed the Divine Mercy Chaplet for the intention of finding the right person for you.  You need 'hands on' help, rather than asking the opinion of various people online, particularly for discerning the possibility - and yes, it would be unusual but i'm not ruling it out - that God understands your cognitive issues and is leading you by an extraordinary way.  The right director can tell you if you're dealing with depression.  I'd ask anyone reading to please also pray for this intention for Anon.

When you feel read, phone or email your Diocese and honestly state your issues with autism, and ask if the Priests could ask around for a Priest or Director who is experienced with working with people who need simpler forms of direction.

Because you are asking God to intervene for you, you will need to cooperate with his action, and accept whomever Divine Providence provides for you, without giving into fears that they're 'Satanic' or 'Freemasons' or not holy enough.  Go into direction humbly, not looking for how the Priests might be in error, but ready to listen with the spirit of charity.  It's also possible you might be sent to a religious brother or sister in your area.  They should be able to correctly suggest how to advance through the darkness you currently find yourself in.  Understand that Darkness isn't always negative in the spiritual life - it can be a sign of the purification of the intellect by God.
I have never been good with my imagination to be fair. Although it can be good but ONLY when I am getting up and going to sleep
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#10
I would suggest to you that you think on the agony of the garden. It was this agony of the garden that Jesus suffered the worst part of his passion and death. I would suggest to you that you untie your angst to that agony that Jesus felt when he was in the garden before he was arrested.
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