I miss my husband

My husband and I don’t have a lot of friends. We are introverted and much prefer spending time with each other. However, my husband works very long days. He has no control over his hours and will often be gone for 12-14 hours a day. He’s getting paid well and he likes the work so he’s not going to look for another job, but I feel like I barely get to see him except on the weekend. Our son is almost a year old and our next is due in three months, so I am not able to go out of the house very much and it’s only going to get harder. 

Taking care of the baby and our home leaves me very little opportunity to pursue any of my old hobbies. I pretty much have an hour and a half in the morning when my son naps to do my housework that I can’t do with him in tow. So I spend a lot of time just waiting for my husband to get home, and then when he does finally get home he falls asleep in the recliner and I go to bed alone. I know he is exhausted and I don’t want to bother him, but I hate not getting to see him or even sleep with him next to me most nights. And I am dreading how much harder this will get once baby number two gets here. 

I’ve talked to him about it and he said he is sorry that he falls asleep in the chair but he hasn’t changed any of his behavior and I don’t want to bug him. 

Perhaps I am being too reliant on my husband for my happiness? I dread him leaving every morning and the day crawls until he gets back. I have plenty of time to kill but very little opportunity (try sewing or painting while a toddler is constantly pulling at your leg crying for attention). 
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
[-] The following 1 user Likes SacraCor714's post:
  • ActusFidei313
Quote:Perhaps I am being too reliant on my husband for my happiness?

I get how you feel, but think it's a huge mistake to rely on a husband for too much of your emotional needs. Most men aren't equipped for it, and it sounds as if your husband just doesn't have the time, poor guy. If you expect too much from him, even unconsciously, you can easily come to resent him, and that's no good.

IMO, you need to find a group of women to hang out with, come over for coffee, share chores with, share babysitting with, etc. Maybe start a group at your parish by putting a notice in your parish bulletin letting women know you're looking for women, esp. fellow full time mothers, to get a group going. Just lay it out: "I'm lonely at home during the day, and am looking for other stay-at-home women for coffee klatches (with kids around!), support, play dates for our children, and, hopefully, some fun for us. Contact me at _________ if you're in the same boat! And invite your friends!." I'd use my email address for the contact, and would then invite them to an email group for exchanges, introductions, and invites and whatever. Once you have, say, four interested women, invite them over, have coffee and cake ready, and some ice-breakers to get things going. You don't have to be all fancy; they'd probably like it better if it weren't. Anyway, if you meet even just once every couple of weeks, it'd give you something to look forward to, and if you all really click, your get-togethers can be more often than that. There are probably a number of women who are going through the same sort of thing...

I relatively recently tweeted about a woman who set up such a group through her parish and who got a nice group going. I can't for the life of me find that article, though. Sorry!
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[-] The following 5 users Like VoxClamantis's post:
  • ActusFidei313, Marmot, Memories_in_Rain, PilgrimMichelangelo, ServusDei
I'm so sorry and I've been there. Before corona virus he had a 1 and 1/2 hour commute. One way. So he negotiated to work from home 1 day a week. Now. He is here all the time,but still working.

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