Help Understanding
Gentlemen of the tank, I humbly ask for your perspective on this issue. I am hesitant to apply labels but I feel that I must admit to myself that my husband has many of the tendencies of a workaholic. Until recently, he was working seven days a week, and he has not had a day off since Memorial Day. I finally begged him to quit his weekend job, which he reluctantly did after many tears and many prayers to St. Joseph. 

My husband is always worried about money, and since he will be going to mechanics school in the fall, we will need money to pay for tuition and tools. I am 4 weeks away from having our second child and we have a 13-month old at home. I struggle greatly when he is away from home seven days a week for 14+ hours a day. I feel very alone, very lonely, and very much unable to talk to him about this issue. Whenever I bring it up, he always says that we desperately need the money and that we both need to make sacrifices, and that he is doing all of this for our family. I have told him many times that I would rather have more of him and less money than less of him and more money. I had to beg him to take a few hours off for the morning that my c-section is scheduled, but he did just start a new job, so I know he is afraid to ask too much of his new employer right away. 

He is a man of few words and does not complain, but it does seem that he seeks out work and long hours more than he seeks to spend time at home with us. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, if he doesn't seem to want to come home or spend time at home. I try to be cheerful and welcome him home with dinner when he gets in the door. I try not to complain if I've had a difficult day. We are intimate several times a week. Am I perhaps too clingy and dependent on him so that he feels smothered? Am I missing some key aspect of the male work ethic that I can't understand because I'm not a man? Thanks in advance. 

My husband knows that I post here occasionally, and I am aware that he may see this, so I tried to present things as fairly as possible. I want to get the perspective of other working men with families so I don't fall prey to the victim mentality that so many women take on. 

Also, as an aside...I don't have many friends, if you couldn't infer that already. I have never gotten along well with other women, and I usually end up being the therapist for the few female friends I do have. I am also one of the few women in my friend group that is married with small children. I am rather shy and awkward and don't make friends easily. If I were to, say, join a local mom's group I don't know how I would make any friends.
St. Joseph, Terror of Demons, Pillar of Families, Glory of Domestic Life, Pray for Us!

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
It might be difficult to get sounds advice on a forum which is why I would recommend a good priest. That being said I'll give you my 2 cents which are worth less than that.

You seem to be the type of personality which requires quality time to feel loved. You express love through spending time with those you love (which doesn't include watching a movie together but you'll take what you can get). Your husband sounds like an "acts of service" personality type. He expresses his love by doing something for those he loves. He also feels love when someone does something for him. Especially as the husband and father of your family, he has a great responsibility to provide for his family and with his personality traits he pushes to ensure you are taken care of. 

You can both help your relationship by working towards the other's needs. He could spend time with you and you could find things you could do for him. My wife is a "quality time" type and we've spent much of our 11 years of marriage working these things out. Most of what I've just said can be found in the book "The 5 Love Languages." It helped us quite a bit.

As far as your financial situation, I would recommend looking into Dave Ramsey's method of debt relief. I don't agree with everything he says but the principles behind his "debt snowball" is excellent even if you're not in debt and working toward some financial goal. It requires a lot of sacrifice but may enable you to reach your goals without him having to work so much. I don't know you financial situation (nor do I want to) but anything more complex would be better addressed with a financial advisor.

Hope this helped. God bless you both.
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