Living as a recluse?
#1
Question 
I do not live a very interesting life. Except for work and Church I spend my days on the computer and in my room. It is not that I like the computer. I simply do not want to twiddle my thumbs all day. I try to do mental prayer, I try to read scripture (reading ability has recovered very much fortunately, used to be in the tank) I try to pray for others. Am I boasting? IDK  

Nothing in life really interests me, really. Except for military stuff, which I only pursue, just to not be to idle. I could sit in my room all day and lay in my bed. I have no passion in life. Everything is superficial and dull. I have thought about picking up writing again, but...once I write something, I will immediately dissatisfied. I only want Jesus. I do not anything really in the world. But I feel that must do things just because. I do not think I live the faith well. Maybe I do maybe I do not. I do not know. I have no one to compare to or to correct. I am unable to...what is the word for teaching others the faith? Not polemics. I know that Can't remember. I have remembered that I have never been really good at remembering things I read, but I do. By that I mean if you asked me a question about something, I would remember what book and page it would be on. but I could never remember the answer directly. Only where to find them. I had a debate with Tax over Russia Ukraine war and he was right about asymmetric warfare being between disproportionate forces. I just cannot compose my thoughts most times. I just can't. If someone asked me a question of Catholic doctrine, I would be unable to ask them. I fear I have little to offer the Church except prayers and some penances, and money. That is it I think. I am afraid it is not enough to get me home to heaven.

Am I better off living life as a recluse doing what prayers and penances he can, or what?
"If we do not supply the chains, who will chain the supplies?"

Karl Marx I PROMISE it will work this time Vol 3


"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

A German...possibly
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#2
(04-27-2022, 06:31 PM)Anon777 Wrote: I do not live a very interesting life. Except for work and Church I spend my days on the computer and in my room. It is not that I like the computer. I simply do not want to twiddle my thumbs all day. I try to do mental prayer, I try to read scripture (reading ability has recovered very much fortunately, used to be in the tank) I try to pray for others. Am I boasting? IDK  

Nothing in life really interests me, really. Except for military stuff, which I only pursue, just to not be to idle. I could sit in my room all day and lay in my bed. I have no passion in life. Everything is superficial and dull. I have thought about picking up writing again, but...once I write something, I will immediately dissatisfied. I only want Jesus. I do not anything really in the world. But I feel that must do things just because. I do not think I live the faith well. Maybe I do maybe I do not. I do not know. I have no one to compare to or to correct. I am unable to...what is the word for teaching others the faith? Not polemics. I know that Can't remember. I have remembered that I have never been really good at remembering things I read, but I do. By that I mean if you asked me a question about something, I would remember what book and page it would be on. but I could never remember the answer directly. Only where to find them. I had a debate with Tax over Russia Ukraine war and he was right about asymmetric warfare being between disproportionate forces. I just cannot compose my thoughts most times. I just can't. If someone asked me a question of Catholic doctrine, I would be unable to ask them. I fear I have little to offer the Church except prayers and some penances, and money. That is it I think. I am afraid it is not enough to get me home to heaven.

Am I better off living life as a recluse doing what prayers and penances he can, or what?

No one here can say for certain whether or not you're "better off living life as a recluse." However, if you think our Lord is calling you to such a life then I strongly encourage you to find a solid, traditional, and orthodox priest (or even a non-priest, provided they're qualified) and discern this with them. They'll be able to help you discern the voice of the Holy Spirit and help you see whether or not this desire comes from God and is good for you. God's will is known through our good desires, but we can also be easily mistaken or want good things for the wrong reasons. I recommend, if you don't already, to cultivate a strong devotion to our Lady. 

Ex: I discerned religious life until I released I was doing so because I feared intimacy with another person. So now I'm working through those psychological issues to help me see whether or not religious life is my  vocation or if marriage is. 

God bless you!
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#3
(04-27-2022, 07:51 PM)HiberniaeFilius937 Wrote:
(04-27-2022, 06:31 PM)Anon777 Wrote: I do not live a very interesting life. Except for work and Church I spend my days on the computer and in my room. It is not that I like the computer. I simply do not want to twiddle my thumbs all day. I try to do mental prayer, I try to read scripture (reading ability has recovered very much fortunately, used to be in the tank) I try to pray for others. Am I boasting? IDK  

Nothing in life really interests me, really. Except for military stuff, which I only pursue, just to not be to idle. I could sit in my room all day and lay in my bed. I have no passion in life. Everything is superficial and dull. I have thought about picking up writing again, but...once I write something, I will immediately dissatisfied. I only want Jesus. I do not anything really in the world. But I feel that must do things just because. I do not think I live the faith well. Maybe I do maybe I do not. I do not know. I have no one to compare to or to correct. I am unable to...what is the word for teaching others the faith? Not polemics. I know that Can't remember. I have remembered that I have never been really good at remembering things I read, but I do. By that I mean if you asked me a question about something, I would remember what book and page it would be on. but I could never remember the answer directly. Only where to find them. I had a debate with Tax over Russia Ukraine war and he was right about asymmetric warfare being between disproportionate forces. I just cannot compose my thoughts most times. I just can't. If someone asked me a question of Catholic doctrine, I would be unable to ask them. I fear I have little to offer the Church except prayers and some penances, and money. That is it I think. I am afraid it is not enough to get me home to heaven.

Am I better off living life as a recluse doing what prayers and penances he can, or what?

No one here can say for certain whether or not you're "better off living life as a recluse." However, if you think our Lord is calling you to such a life then I strongly encourage you to find a solid, traditional, and orthodox priest (or even a non-priest, provided they're qualified) and discern this with them. They'll be able to help you discern the voice of the Holy Spirit and help you see whether or not this desire comes from God and is good for you. God's will is known through our good desires, but we can also be easily mistaken or want good things for the wrong reasons. I recommend, if you don't already, to cultivate a strong devotion to our Lady. 

Ex: I discerned religious life until I released I was doing so because I feared intimacy with another person. So now I'm working through those psychological issues to help me see whether or not religious life is my  vocation or if marriage is. 

God bless you!
There is none my area. I asked my priest and he knew of none in town. I can't go far, because I need someone to drive me. I have been drinking more than usual. Not to drunkenness or buzzed, but enough to take the edge off my disillusionment with life. My dad drives me to mass twice every weekend and no matter what I do, I feel like the faith asks too much...in his eyes. And I do not think I make a good enough impression on others. I am strongly considering isolating myself from others and praying for them...because I can't spread the gospel by mouth...because I fail to understand other's points of views. One said there is no Hell at my work place. Just...how?! HOW DO YOU REACH THEM? I cannot. I can only pray and weep for their blindness. Oh how I weep for them! And there is little I can do, except pray. I go to Church for Mass then leave. There is no community of people my age. I am the youngest there. A couple weeks back a priest from Boston came because Father was sick and the mass was the best I had ever been to. But I also noticed that our normal mass seem to omit certain parts, like a reading from the OT and periods of silence. it has made me question how disordered our normal mass is. I lost count of how many shots of French brand with benedctine I have had today. But enough to be more brutally honest with myself. I vent on this forum because...I have no one IRL TO vent to. No priest...no friend or family...no one. So this forum is the only place I can turn to. This only increases my misanthropy as I see everyone IRL as a stranger and possible threat to my salvation. So many liars. I am a kid lost on the London Tube, with no friendly hands to guide me/. Oh how I wish for a guide!


😟
"If we do not supply the chains, who will chain the supplies?"

Karl Marx I PROMISE it will work this time Vol 3


"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

A German...possibly
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#4
Last night I had an epiphany: I have been desperately wishing for control over the world. Much of my angst has been that I cannot reach other people. I cannot stop people from error all on my own. I...can only do so much. Other than prayer, penance and by example perhaps I can move someone perhaps. God is in total control. I am merely a peon. I have come to accept...that I have little control. 


I am strongly considering religious life. I simply need someone to help me discern.


"If we do not supply the chains, who will chain the supplies?"

Karl Marx I PROMISE it will work this time Vol 3


"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

A German...possibly
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#5
I am 85 years old now, still live alone with two of my children and their families living nearby. My dear daughter takes me to all my doctor appointments, and visits me about once or twice a week.

My life is described by myself as semi-eremitical as I pray Morning, Evening and Night prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours - a rosary or two a day, and other meditations.

I learn about the outside world from the internet and like to listen to solid Catholic people doing important interviews.

I pray a lot for the world and people that I know - and I do know there is more to prayer than intercessory prayer.

Our lives are a journey, and our Good Lord knows what to do with our prayers! Be assured that good things are happening because of your prayers.
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#6
To add to what I wrote:

I used to go to daily Mass, but it has been about a year that I can only make it on Sunday to the late Mass, and to confession monthly.

Morning Mass on EWTN and the wonderful homilies I hear are very helpful.
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#7
(05-14-2022, 05:40 PM)Grandma Wrote: To add to what I wrote:

I used to go to daily Mass, but it has been about a year that I can only make it on Sunday to the late Mass, and to confession monthly.

Morning Mass on EWTN and the wonderful homilies I hear are very helpful.
That is beautiful. My grandpa is 90 and has a similar schedule. He prays, especially the Liturgy of the Hours, and the Rosary. He goes out and goes to Mass when he can.
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#8
One of the things that has driven me towards this direction is my ability to spread the faith...or the lack thereof. I will admit that I am not very learned, but my ability to explain basic things of the faith like the trinity is virtually nonexistent. I just...do not have the words. Explaining things for me is a big freaking knot made of knots: I do not where to even start. Someone told me that there is no Hell. I do not know where to begin. I would be for donating food and baby formula to local support groups in my area. I can only  (possibly, maybe) explain things as if the other party was already familiar and could correct me if I am in error.
"If we do not supply the chains, who will chain the supplies?"

Karl Marx I PROMISE it will work this time Vol 3


"Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

A German...possibly
Reply
#9
I'm a house wife and since I converted all my prodistant friends treated me like I have the plague, and there for I do not make friends easy do to trust issues now. So I spend most of my days when I'm not doing house wife jobs I say job because I hear we have it easy. Or I am reading Biblical books...
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