Family members with same sex attraction?
jack89 Wrote:
Iconodule Wrote:So I gather you're not an ally.

I'm a Catholic.

I was joking.  Do you know what an "ally" is?  It is a straight person who identifies with the gay community.  Kind of a wannabe.
"If you love me, keep my commandments."  John 14:15.

"For you have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin."  Hebrews 12:4.

Just because I let you have the last word does not mean that I concede your point.
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(05-15-2022, 08:04 PM)Filiolus Wrote:
(05-15-2022, 06:28 PM)jack89 Wrote: I think it's also a mistake to put someone on a pedestal because they have SSA, but their not having homosexual sex.  It's kind of like the alcoholic who gets praised as a hero because he's been dry for a year or two.  That's good, but let's not make too much of it, that's the way it should be. 

This is exactly right.

I agree, too -- but who's putting chaste homosexuals on pedestals?
T h e   D u d e t t e   A b i d e s
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I can hear crickets.  No one here has put chaste people with SSA on pedestals.

But Fr. John Hardon says the following, which I found encouraging when I reverted to the Faith as a teenager:

Quote:Homosexual attraction is for members of the same sex. This may be partly due to the peculiar make up of certain individuals. More often, however, it is the result of indiscretion or seduction and presents a greater problem. But, once again, this too is not by itself sinful. In fact, it may be an occasion for great supernatural merit
"If you love me, keep my commandments."  John 14:15.

"For you have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin."  Hebrews 12:4.

Just because I let you have the last word does not mean that I concede your point.
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Fr. John Hardon on supernatural merit:

Quote:But if the difficulties are intrinsic to the action, i.e. part of its very nature, or at least not culpable in the person here and now; they add to the meritorious value of good actions done under such trying circumstances. Thus if the work to be done is arduous or sublime in itself, if doing it means overcoming severe temptations and external or even internal trials arising from temperament or physical conditions, the merit in performing what God wants will gain greater reward.
"If you love me, keep my commandments."  John 14:15.

"For you have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin."  Hebrews 12:4.

Just because I let you have the last word does not mean that I concede your point.
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(05-16-2022, 08:13 AM)Iconodule Wrote: I can hear crickets.  No one here has put chaste people with SSA on pedestals.

But Fr. John Hardon says the following, which I found encouraging when I reverted to the Faith as a teenager:

Quote:Homosexual attraction is for members of the same sex. This may be partly due to the peculiar make up of certain individuals. More often, however, it is the result of indiscretion or seduction and presents a greater problem. But, once again, this too is not by itself sinful. In fact, it may be an occasion for great supernatural merit

(05-16-2022, 08:31 AM)Iconodule Wrote: Fr. John Hardon on supernatural merit:

Quote:But if the difficulties are intrinsic to the action, i.e. part of its very nature, or at least not culpable in the person here and now; they add to the meritorious value of good actions done under such trying circumstances. Thus if the work to be done is arduous or sublime in itself, if doing it means overcoming severe temptations and external or even internal trials arising from temperament or physical conditions, the merit in performing what God wants will gain greater reward.

Wow... you've got yourself up there on quite a, uh...

...what do they call those things again? ;-)
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(05-11-2022, 10:28 AM)Iconodule Wrote: Do you have family members with same sex attraction?  How do you deal with it?

I only have a distant cousin with Same-sex attraction whom I may have only met like once, so I really don't have any family members I see regularly who have it.

I really don't have experience with family members with this, but I would say we deal with it charitably. If they are trying to be chaste, then they are no different than any other Catholic. We all have struggles, someone with this struggle is not sinning by having it just like someone who is tempted to eat too much pie is not sinning if they resist that. If someone is living with a partner or pursuing this attraction, then I would still not be cruel towards them. If I had a child or other family member living with me and pursuing it, I would not make them leave. Charity and compassion are very important. Cruelty, even when someone is acting on same-sex desires, is never the answer. I would not, however endorse the choices, and, to the extent possible, I would speak with them about the beauty of chastity. I would charitably try to help them find ways to deal with Same-sex attraction in accord with Church teaching. Again, no matter what, I would not become cruel in any way.
 The Courage Apostolate can help those in these situations. Here is the website: https://couragerc.org/

They produced a documentary called Desire of the Everlasting Hills. A Catholic YouTube channel has it. Here's the link: 

We all have crosses to carry. The cross of having same-sex attraction is heavier than what most deal with. However, those who have this are not bad simply for having it. God, by His grace, can help those in this situation receive many great fruits from offering this trial up. Finally, I would recommend anyone dealing with this or trying to help family members with this speak with a priest.
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(05-16-2022, 09:24 AM)Billm1720 Wrote:
(05-11-2022, 10:28 AM)Iconodule Wrote: Do you have family members with same sex attraction?  How do you deal with it?

I only have a distant cousin with Same-sex attraction whom I may have only met like once, so I really don't have any family members I see regularly who have it.

I really don't have experience with family members with this, but I would say we deal with it charitably. If they are trying to be chaste, then they are no different than any other Catholic. We all have struggles, someone with this struggle is not sinning by having it just like someone who is tempted to eat too much pie is not sinning if they resist that. If someone is living with a partner or pursuing this attraction, then I would still not be cruel towards them. If I had a child or other family member living with me and pursuing it, I would not make them leave. Charity and compassion are very important. Cruelty, even when someone is acting on same-sex desires, is never the answer. I would not, however endorse the choices, and, to the extent possible, I would speak with them about the beauty of chastity. I would charitably try to help them find ways to deal with Same-sex attraction in accord with Church teaching. Again, no matter what, I would not become cruel in any way.
 The Courage Apostolate can help those in these situations. Here is the website: https://couragerc.org/

They produced a documentary called Desire of the Everlasting Hills. A Catholic YouTube channel has it. Here's the link: 

We all have crosses to carry. The cross of having same-sex attraction is heavier than what most deal with. However, those who have this are not bad simply for having it. God, by His grace, can help those in this situation receive many great fruits from offering this trial up. Finally, I would recommend anyone dealing with this or trying to help family members with this speak with a priest.
Great response! Yes, lets actually answer the question.

1) As someone who was initially disowned by my family over this my disownment did not empower me to return to my faith but to curse and blaspheme God. So, don't do that.


2) Get them support; there are a lot of groups for this. I have found great support in my community of choice Your Other Brothers. There is also Courage, Eden Invitation and the community of Spiritual Friendship that may be of help. In fact Courage has a group for families called Encourage. Now, sometimes I don't like Courage, I will be totally honest. Courage treats SSA almost too much like a disease IMO while the other groups focus on my fulfillment and flourishing amidst it. 

3) Encourage them for a vocation. While, SOME individuals with SSA do end up getting married to low libido spouses or in mixed orientation relationships, MOST do not. Most will end up living chaste single lives. It is so, so, so important that someone with a single life is encouraged to see their life as valuable. It is very easy to believe that due to SSA that one does not have any meaningful life either to a family or to service to the church. There are so many lay apostolates and ministries available. This is also all the more reason to encourage them to self gift to their family, community and friends. 

4) Again, encourage them to know that they are loved. For some, not being able to marry is crushing so always encourage them to find loving communiites, family ties and rich friendships.

5) Encourage them to do what they love. A single person, with no children, IMO should pursue a dream career. They should be fully encouraged to choose what will give them the least stress and the most fulfillment in this world. 

6) Carry their cross with them. Remain on the line for phone calls, visits to church, holidays, get togethers you name it. 

7) Encourage them once again to make friends. I think friendship is actually one of the most crucial vocations that people with SSA have. I have TONS of extremely loving friendships in my life. I know this sounds ungrateful but at times when I see my life as a consolation prize I recognize how many friends and how deeply rich and active my life is and I feel a bit better.

8) Encourage them to find a spiritual director, confessor and quality therapist.

I personally, and this is just me, think that just telling someone with SSA to carry their cross without telling them what they CAN have is cruel. I also think it is important that, for me, I don't like looking at this condition in terms of an entire lifetime but I also don't think not thinking about the future at all is practical. I think focusing on living for God day by day while being open to his will is better than a future of existential dread. I encourage people with SSA to focus on living out God's call for them one day at a time while taking practical measures to maintain a fruitful life in the present. I believe that it is best to be open to God's will and healing day by day rather than simply resiging to a life of struggle in existential dread. But, that is just me.
“Love is sweeter than life.” -St. Isaac of Syria
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Quote:I have stopped to follow this thread. Queens are just fighting here, nothing more.

Usually when people say this they're
begging to be dug back in. IOW cuntish behavior dude


Quote:Sometimes I wonder that my lack of interest and lack of urge to participate in such fights my signal that my internal essence is more ordered than I have thought. And I don't know yet how I am feeling about this discovery.

Ghey

Quote:I have heard that women can be pretty eloquent and fervent in similar discussions (e.g. what did some another women do and how bad it was etc.) but they are not doing this in the virtual world AFAK. In our local gay site there were similar fights among lesbians (the strength of discussions clustered around some points in time), but generally chats and forums have became outdated and that is why even lesbians are not fighting virtually in these days. Though I have no idea what is happening in IG, tik-tok etc. visual media.

No comment my mama didn't raise no fools


Quote:It is interesting that SSA fights in this forum are also clustered in time. There are lulls for some long periods and then fervent discussions arose. If men had periods I would have suggested that such arousal of discussions happen due to some strange synchronization of their periods, there are such processes in the complex systems theory (modern physics), but otherwise I have no idea why such bursts of activity. Maybe some astronomical intervention, who knows.

Could be the moon, or the ongoing Pink color Revolution, or both. I think it's mostly the Moon speaking from experience. I always thought it odd this guy I knew would show up, by himself, at my house, without fail, on the evening of every full Moon. When I really began to notice his pattern I though it was weird because I had interaction with him during the month but always in the daytime and with other people. I just couldn't lay my finger on why he was coming over once a month in the evening. Well maybe mama did raise one fool.
Oh, where are the snows of yesteryear!
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(05-20-2022, 12:17 PM)Blind Horus Wrote:
Quote:I have stopped to follow this thread. Queens are just fighting here, nothing more.

Usually when people say this they're
begging to be dug back in. IOW cuntish behavior dude
I know we're all adults here, chronologically at least, but is that kind of language necessary?  Really?
"I'm an old man now and have had a great many problems.  Most of them never happened."~ Mark Twain

"Compassion and justice in one soul are as a man adoring God and idols in one house." -St. Isaac of Syria

"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug."~Mark Knopfler (?)
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